Advise on boyfriend

Some of this isn't about ocd. But it causes a lot of ocd problems. And what I'm asking you for is your opinion and what you would do in this situation. So my boyfriend chooses porn over me a lot. He's a hurt teenager and he's went through a lot. Child abuse. Cocsa. Drunk parents. Split parents. He has about 10 siblings and generally has went through so much. But he has a serious porn problem. Which is concerning especially the fact we are teenagers, and he's dating me. In no way whatsoever am I leaving him. Although I need people's opinions. I've communicated about the problem. I've told him how it makes me feel so shit and hurt. And I feel insecure. But what he does is he just stops telling me if he watches is, but then I can tell from his change of behavior and the lying hurts more. And everytime he tells me he's going home (we are long distancced) I INSTANTLY panick, I beg to call him. I try to distract him. I beg him not to watch porn. And it's so damaging me. And I hate it so much but I love him so much and I know he doesn't want to hurt me. And. Sometimes it feels like when he says "I love you" and stuff, it feels like it's not coming from the heart. For example if you where in school and your fellow classmate got forced by a teacher to apologize to you. You would obviously know the class mate doesn't mean it. But there just saying it. That's how I feel with my boyfriend. It feels like I'm forcing him to say he loves me. Like I'm forcing him to talk to me. It's been half a year now we have been together. He crys if I ever bring up leaving him, and I don't wanna leave him. I feel like I've done EVERYTHING to fix this. Yet I'm STUCK. so please. If anyone has any ideas I can try I will. Or any opinions, or even harsh truths. You can be mean. Anything. Thank you so much.

Recently my bf wanted to confess to a comment he made to his friends that always bothered him that he said this and it was literally within the first week we had met. (It’s sweet that he wanted to apologize for it, he even teared up bc he knew it would hurt my feelings) He told his friends that I was “super pretty but that he also thinks these girls on tiktok are hot” (girls with piercings and dark makeup, basically alt/ goth looking). Then he said “I just think that look is attractive.” He said the only reason he brought it up was bc he was on tiktok when he was talking to his friends (on discord) and a girl popped up on his FYP and made him think what he finds more attractive. Then his friends wanted to see pictures of me and everyone agreed I was pretty. Then like 3 days later he was talking to his friends again (they only ever talk through discord bc they don’t live in the same city) and was basically just raving about me and how pretty I am. Then his friends said “what about the tiktok girls and what you said” and then my bf said “I was trippin”. This is making my ocd so bad bc I kept ruminating if I should add it to the list of reasons why we need to break up or if this was my “sign” to end it. But then I also get reminded of the positive, like when he told me the first time he saw me he thought I was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen, and has even reassured me by showing me messages of him talking to his best friend about me (also the same week of us first talking) and told him that I was “actually perfect” and “INSANELY pretty”. I try not to be upset at him since this was when we barely knew each other and his type back then was more emo/alt girls at the time and I look different. But I have spiraled so much about it bc I don’t want him to settle for me. He’s tried reassuring me so many times that he was always very attracted to me and never thought anyone was prettier than me, he said just in that brief moment that look still caught his eye but that it went away super fast. He also tried explaining to me that “hot” doesn’t mean “better” or even “prettier” just that the look itself is what he used to describe as hot. He said “hot” is also a casual thing to say, especially to guy friends. Whereas to me, hot means the BEST looking. Sometimes I want him to admit that he was just not that attracted to me in the beginning/more attracted to tiktok girls in the beginning bc it makes more sense to me LOL but that’s just me being annoying and I get very bothered when someone tries to sugar coat things rather than telling me the harsh truth. I think this may be another common thing in ocd, like just WANTING him to tell me the worst case scenario bc it’s more logical to me that way. He ends up crying with me bc of how sad he feels that I have such low self esteem from it and also is so frustrated that I won’t believe him, even though he was honest enough to want to share this with me. Sometimes I think he is playing two truths and a lie to make his explanations more believable. Am I making him out to be a villain who always wants to manipulate me or is this just an instinct I have when I feel that someone is not telling me the truth. We’ve had other problems with him not wanting to be brutally honest bc of how I react so it always scares me that he is always telling me a fabricated story. I also am starting to feel embarrassed for myself and for him being with me. I wish someone could just tell me if the things he’s done or said are deal beakers

So I have POCD & now ROCD because I’m in my first relationship. My boyfriend is a few years older than me and was born and raised in Turkey before he came to the U.S. in his early 20s. I’ve read that Turkish culture takes pride in their children, with holidays such as Children’s Day, too. So they are used to bonding with children in a non-creepy way lol (I’ve seen it before, it is a *slight* cultural difference between my culture and his but it’s very sweet) I grew up SA’d as a child and I told my boyfriend, so he knows. Yet he’s said a few things that have caught me off guard. - When I told him there was a chance I was mleafed as a child, we were cuddling and he readjusted himself in a funny way before saying “sorry, I mlested you.” I let it go because English is not his first language and he was probably just trying to be funny to lighten the mood because I was crying and he might have thought that I interpreted him re-adjusting himself as him hitting on me. (Right?) Even when we have daily conversations, he doesn’t understand about 25% of what I say, and I don’t think he’s been learning English when it comes to any of these kinds of topics that I’m speaking about. Sometimes he says stuff just to say it. But still, he understood the context we were speaking in and still tried to make a “joke.” - When I talk to him about my nieces (who I loved and adore and whose mother refers to me as their second mother) he once said that they’ll love him because he s good with kids. Okay sure. Then he said “they’re gonna be like ouuuh, he’s so handsome!” and I was like?? Why are you thinking about that I’m so deeply upset. He’s my first everything. I grew up with my mom defending the monster that abused me & my sister and I always swore I was never going to be that. And I won’t. Sometimes I just can’t tell if I’m overthinking because of my OCD. Because it’s also very extreme to assume someone is a monster like this! But OCD is extreme! And so it’s so hard for me to understand. I’m heartbroken because I feel so vulnerable. He was all I had. Now I feel like I’m gonna f*ck him up if he’s any type of weird like I think he might be. I hate everything sm. All I wanted was someone who loved me, someone I could love, and I’m terrified that I might be with someone who’s sick in the head, just like my father. I feel like throwing up and raging.