So I don’t feel that physically attracted to my boyfriend but I love him! I wanna be with him I love his heart and who he is. Can this still work you think? Anyone? I already obsess over his looks but I’m afraid about this bc I wanna value who he is over looks period!
absolutely! Attraction is more than physical. I would even venture to say that you ARE physically attracted to him, but OCD is making you think you are not. Loving someones soul makes them beautiful. I have had relationships where the person had good looks but their behavior and treatment of me was so bad it literally made them ugly. Iv also dated guys that were not very attractive but they treated me so well that it made them BECOME attractive. I think the most important thing is if he treats you right, and you want to be with him. Thats all that REALLY matters, physical attraction is a bonus but its not required. It sounds to me tho that you actually do think he is attractive but your ROCD is making you doubt that. so tell it to F off, because looks don't matter to you. Love is a choice. you choose to love someone. its not magic, its choose every day to be with someone despite reasons saying you shouldn't ( in your case, non logical reasons, OCD stupid irrelevant reasons). Choose to be with him. don't worry about his look. sounds like your happy regardless.
@TexasOCD41 Right! For me I see it biblically I see it as God looks at the heart, people get ugly! I fell for him even tho I didn’t find him physically attractive at all! I still fell for him. And I love him
@EmmaGrace27 I think I am but I wish he had better muscles and was a bit more fashionable or dressed better but that’s men. I obsess over it and think he’s not this my ideal type so I should go find him and break o but I’m like no that’s wrong!
@EmmaGrace27 - hahah OCD is such a trip. When you are in it, it makes ant hills into mountains. When i first started dating this one guy. I all the sudden developed ROCD ( i didn't even know what ROCD was so THAT in itself made it SO MUCH WORSE) but its like all the sudden i started caring about STUPID things. he didn't put his napkin in his lap or take his hat off at the dinner table CLUTCH THE PEARLS! he was a bit fluffy and i had always dated skinnyer guys, he didn't use perfect grammar. Well... fast forward to now. iv been married to him for almost 3 years. Also, he takes his hat off and puts his napkin in his lap ;) and we started going to the gym together and he's a total beef cake haha. the things your obsessed over are SO TRIVAL AND, they can be "enhanced". Never have the hope of CHANGING someone but understand the you have the ability to bring out the best in him. My now husband used to dress pretty basic too, i encouged him to try new things and now he's quit a sharp dresser. "idea type" is something cosmopolitan and vogue made up so women would buy their garbage and base their lives on something some single crazy cat lady ( i am a cat lady too so i can use that term) wrote at her cubicle to boost sales. no one has an IDEA type. my husband is NOTHING like any of the guys i used to date and that is his BIGGEST FLEX ( i dated losers) haha.
@TexasOCD41 Aw that gives me hope! I’m going to stay with him! And just lightly encourage a different style when we go out and help him with what he likes, and we are going to go to gym together a couple times a week to start !
@EmmaGrace27 - sounds like a wonderful plan :)
@TexasOCD41 It has made me question my feelings bc I feel numb like I feel nothing sometimes and idk why but I look for a feeling when I listen to love songs or look at him or even when I’m away I subconsciously look to see if I feel something towards him and it sucks
@TexasOCD41 Awwww i love this comment so much
@EmmaGrace27 The only thing i will say is the comments about muscles and fashionable are definitely fixable and I agree with texasocd that those things can be enhanced. But I noticed you DID say even from the beginning you didn’t find him physically attractive. That is something to keep in ur back pocket when it comes to this. Is it really ROCD (regarding the attraction)? Or have you just never found him physically attractive? Moreover, those answers don’t have to make or break your relationship if like you said you view relationships like G*d and love for who they are inside
@Anonymous I don’t find him un attractive. I don’t find him THAT attractive physically but I don’t want it to keep bothering me and jt does and I deme the need to fix his loons
@Anonymous Like I don’t want to try and fix him I enana love his looks I wanna see him for who he is
@Anonymous Like it’s just not a lot I think it’s real un attraction by a bit but the ocd part comes in andi I’m like should I be with him? Is that ok? lol
@Anonymous I feel like I’m being unfair to him since it’s real partially that I’m not that physically attracted but he is totally to me. I love him the same he’s the only guy I have eyes for. Even tho I see other attractive men. But I wanna value who he is not what he looks like I don’t want someone else
@Anonymous I’m attracted t him! And I believe I am physically to an extent but I’m not crazy about it
@EmmaGrace27 Mmmmhh this sounds like total ROCD to me now. Hang in there for sure. This is EXACTLY how i felt with my bf in our earlier years. We just hit year 4 today🥹. I felt I was being unfair and he should find someone who loved him the way he loved me and wasn’t hard him. Verbatim. My boyfriend DID, after explaining these things to him, understand me and made changes. There is the OCD aspect, but then there is just a relationship standard aspect. If you want your boyfriend in shape, that doesn’t have to mean OCD. My bf had gained weight and I carefully said something. It took time & didn’t happen overnight but recently he has been so consistent with the gym and wants to get a 6 pack for me😆🤍. All that’s to say is some of this can be ROCD especially those aspects that are physically unchangeable. But I would help him work on those things that can be changed or , back to texasocd - enhanced. Start there and see if you feel any different. Don’t kick yourself in the shins for having standards.
@Anonymous Well he hated working out but he’s willing to work out for me! He doesn’t want to but he’s willing to for me. I don’t think that should break the relationship tho bc I want a man who’s muscular like I don’t wanna leave him for that. What do you think? In realistic terms
@EmmaGrace27 I think based on reading your rapid replies and the way you’re asking for reassurance it’s 10000% ocd. You made your plan. Stick to it. This can be a done deal. No more need to analyze ( that’s also compulsive)
@TexasOCD41 Sticking to it!
@TexasOCD41 I try to encourage him gently to try new things he wants to pick it out I think with my advice and buy it himself tho. He just doesn’t think he needs anything but he does lol so idk how to go abt that. However did you ever struggle analyzing if you felt something about him all the time? It makes me get numb towards him. I also am basically forcing myself not to analyze my feelings and just feel in life
@TexasOCD41 I don’t want him to feel bad but I pick and fee the need to say change your clothes I don’t like that shirt and it makes me feel unattravted to you. Also what I find attractive in him comes and goes and changes, I figure it out often. Bc it’s momentary usually so I try to notate it
@EmmaGrace27 - Yes when i had ROCD i hyper focused on really stupid things about him. If i heard a cringe story about him from one of his friends or if he himself did something cringe i would HYPER focus on it and ask if can picture myself with someone like that. If all eventually went away. The important thing to note... is he is not perfect, neither am i. I don't think he is some flawless human. He does things that DRIVE-ME-IN-SANE! He works at the fire department so he is home 48 hours and away 24 hours and sometimes i literally cannot WAIT for him to go to work so i can have 24 hours to myself. Thats just normal relationship stuff. You're not supposed to love EVERYTHING about them ALL the time. that would be weird. The clothing thing didn't happen over night either. We would argue about it until he would go out places with me AFTER i won the battle to dress him up and he would see everyone else was dressed nice too and id say " see? I'm not neurotic, i just wanted you to look nice like everyone else". Dont tell him your not attracted to him. Truth is, you WONT be attracted to him all the time. I'm not attracted to my husband all the time.
@TexasOCD41 Gotcha that reassure me in a GOOD way. I think well I want a man who has muscles or who works in construction or can do stuff outside, can I deal with a man who doesn’t do those things and gets super dirty. He can just not in that way, at the farm sometimes yes but he works at home on the computer for his job. I’m like setting standard for myself to meet something I won’t meet ever probably. Just because I see it as manly and I’m like get over yourself lol
@TexasOCD41 Like I wish he was more manly but in my ocd brain I think he doesn’t have a couple things I really do wish he had that are attractive to me, I must go find someone else whe I don’t really want to I want to be with him because I know I’ve been given all I asked for. I don’t like everything about him and maybe that’s ok
@EmmaGrace27 - At the end of the day its just a decision you have to make. If you break up with him and try to find everything you are looking for in someone else, ROCD will likely show up then to and find things in him you don't like. You have to live the life YOU want, not the one OCD is trying to force you to live.
@EmmaGrace27 - Also, if you break up with him, OCD will likely pull the " what if he WAS the one for me, and i broke with him for nothing and now iv lost the one i wanted to be with all along." There is never going to be anything that satifys OCD. you will spend forever, trying and nothing will do it. Thats why you have to beat it by making your own choices regardless of what OCD says.
@TexasOCD41 I think personally ocd is like he doesn’t have this he’s not right for you like I wish he had those things, but I don’t think that’s a reason to leave someone elll not a legit one anyways
@TexasOCD41 I can accept uncertainty that there may be a man that’s “better” or maybe not! I love him and I can accept that maybe he won’t ever do super manly things but the things about him that he does do makes him manly enough
@TexasOCD41 I want to not have to think a lack of something means he’s not the right person he’s a good mix of everything! He’s not lazy it’s just a preference lol that’s I can get over bc Josh isn’t lazy! He works so hard and at the farm too
@EmmaGrace27 Honestly it’s not even about him. This has nothing to do with how manly his or not this is simply your OCD. OCD picks things that are important to us because that’s how it tricks us into thinking our concerns are real. You actually should stop trying to find reasons to stay with him because for every reason you have, ocd will counter with a red against it. That’s what you have to just say “ maybe he’s totally wrong for me, maybe I’ll never be happy with him, maybe someone out there is better, I don’t care, I choose him. End of discussion “
@TexasOCD41 Yes ma’am! I appreciate you being real abt marriage too
@EmmaGrace27 Absolutely:)
@TexasOCD41 My compulsion is to reassure I wanna be with him constantly daily and that I have reasons too so I have to accept the uncertain grey area
@EmmaGrace27 Exactly. Because everyone’s relationship has grey areas. Is there someone out there better for me? I mean statistically speaking with 6 billion people on earth, probably. lol but I’m not going to divorce my husband to got date a few thousand people to find out. I’m happy with his flaws ( and he has plenty) and so do I. I love him. To ME he’s perfectly imperfect.
@TexasOCD41 Yes! That’s how I feel he is my dream man! I love him I love being with him he’s my best friends. My ocd can shove it with expecting him to have all my preferences
What is it when you are afraid you have no physical attraction. Yo your partner but you see a future, you want to have kids, you don’t wanna be with anyone else even tho that is a worry. And I can see myself making love
I’ve looked at my boyfriend’s looks for so long that I really hope I value him as a person like he values me. I’ve entered into a mature love, that’s beyond feelings. But I want that attraction back like how can I grow my feelings towards him? Why does it feel so bleh or not like when I first meet a guy and I’m getting to know him? Comfortable?
So I’m getting there I’m almost at recovery. I have to tell myself I don’t know if my boyfriend is attractive enough for me to marry. I have no idea. Maybe he’s not. I have every right reason tk be with him I can name off reasons why I like him and love him more than physical appearance and they outweigh any bad thing or flaw. I also can do this Joe without trying to feel something. Or have a right feeling. I always felt like if I wasn’t that physically attracted it meant I should be with someone else and I don’t wanna be, so I’m taking the reigns and I’m saying yes I care about it this I wanna be with him I know k am for th right reasons I also think the spirit wants me here. God doesn’t value looks over personality. I have a history of prideful ness, and I’m going to take them captive and reflect on his heart in those moments. I’m not hopeless I have faith that God will come through for me. Even if he isn’t God will show me he is in control here even of my heart , he is in control and he will lead me .
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