Rant...

I just feel like therapy isn’t working… like I get to talk about myself and understand myself… but I’m already incredibly self aware. My therapist thought I was like 5 years older than I am… and she gives me such basic strategies that do absolutely nothing for me. And a psychiatrist prescribed me with Zoloft… but I don’t know if T want to take medication. I’m scared of side effects… and I’m scared of getting better… I’m scared of letting my guard down. I know it will make me less cautious which makes me less likely to push myself to perfection like I currently do, which I can’t have happen. Every time I talk to my mom about it, she’s always like “Let’s talk about this some other time, I’m busy with other things”, and then never remembers. But in the rare moments we do talk about it, she treats it like I’m signing up to be a drug addict. I also feel very guilty for spending so much of my parents’ money- therapy… medication… etc… and also the idea of my being unlovable is so deeply engraved in my brain… I genuinely, truly believe it. No therapy or medication can fix it. I can’t change my mind. My therapist tells me my misophonia is not a “deal-breaker” and that someone would be lucky to have me as a partner… but then why hasn’t anyone ever liked me? My own FAMILY can’t stand me. How do I believe something I know isn’t true? That’s even harder to accept than me being unlovable. I can’t see someone loving me. And it is so incredibly exhausting to seek love,e I know I cannot have. My sister says, “It will get better with age…” It has only ever gotten worse. To the point I don’t want to get better. It has reached the severity where I feel more safe and successful with anxiety. My past 3 birthdays have been me wishing for therapy. And now I have therpay- and medication, the potential key… and I refuse? Am I too deep in? I cant get out, it’s too late. How did absolutely no one notice how much I had and have been hurting? Why did no one listen to my cries or worries? I feel really depressed and hopeless right now. It takes so much effort to get up every day… I’m so tired.

Amara

Date posted: 16h ago

Thank you for being so open. What you're feeling is incredibly heavy, and the fact that you’re still here, still expressing it, still seeking understanding—that matters. It shows strength, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. You’re not alone in feeling like therapy isn’t helping, especially when you're already so self-aware. Therapy isn’t always a magical fix—it can be frustrating when it doesn’t meet your depth. Maybe what you need is a different approach, like a therapist trained in perfectionism and shame. Sometimes the match matters more than the method. The fear of medication and its impact on your identity is valid too. A lot of people feel that—especially if perfectionism feels like the only thing holding everything together. It’s okay to take time to decide. You mentioned something really painful—feeling unlovable. I hear how deeply rooted that is. When no one seems to hear you or show up in the ways you needed, it’s hard to believe you're worthy of love. But the fact is: being unloved is not the same as being unlovable. You were worthy of love all along, even if people didn’t show it. You’re not too far gone. It’s not too late. The exhaustion and loneliness are very real, but they’re not permanent. Please don’t face it alone. If your therapist doesn’t feel like the right fit, it’s okay to try someone new. You deserve a space that meets you where you are. You deserve care, even if your mind is trying to convince you otherwise.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16h ago

Hi! I understand how debilitating and tiring ocd is. What helped me slowly make progress is to be in a mindset where I know things will get better. Being in a negative mindset and telling yourself that nothing will work is only making it worse for your self. Nothing changes over night, please just give it time. You will be okay!

weregonnabeokay

Date posted: 16h ago

I tried being optimistic about it for 2 years and I just ended up feeling stupid 😭 I understand what you mean, and you're right... but I am tired of hoping for something that never seems to happen...

Anonymous

Date posted: 16h ago

@weregonnabeokay I understand. Maybe try switching things up. Like your therapist or psychiatrist. Try to tell yourself that things will get better and keep repeating it until you believe it

JediMJ

Date posted: 10h ago

You expressed yourself so well and I think many of us can relate. A+ for this rant. 🙂 I agree with other responders in thinking that you might want to consider a different therapist. You can learn something from anyone, but when you find a therapist who you really click with, it’s the best. It doesn’t sound like you’re getting enough out of it. Which must be disappointing since you waited a long time to start therapy. I’m curious about your relationship with yourself. It took me a long, long time to love myself and give myself the care and consideration I had given to everyone else. That has been key to my healing. Medication—you could try it and see how it goes. If the side effects are intolerable, you can stop taking it and/or try something else. It’s okay to feel scared and uncertain. I’m sure it was a rhetorical question, but maybe people didn’t know how much you were hurting because you were good at hiding it. Still, I wish someone had noticed or asked or something. There were times when I’ve been so depressed and no one really knew. It was a really lonely time…but I am on the other side of it. And I hope you will be too, eventually. Thank you for sharing.

Defcollin

Date posted: 21w ago

Need help

Everyday just gets worse and worse and there’s no way to escape the cycle. This constant feeling of dread and guilt I can’t stand it. I have no one to talk to about any of this because I have a fear of them thinking of me different and I don’t like putting my problems on people it just makes me feel like I want attention or something like even when I’m writing this paragraph. I’m stuck in a constant loop. Constant aggressive thoughts and compulsions. I’m 18 and I don’t know about any of my insurance or anything so I can’t get a therapist on here and I really don’t wanna talk to my mom about any of this. I dread having to wake up everyone morning and continue with this shit all day every day. I hate complaining but I just can’t stand this. I don’t know what to do. I’m slowly losing every inch of my mind.

tlousluvr

Date posted: 21w ago

advice 🧸

hi. so one big factor of my OCD is rumination. i met a guy who i have a crush on the idea of (idea bc there are red flags). my biggest fear is not finding true love, my ex told me no one else would deal with what i have (my ocd, specifically reassurance seeking and getting overstimulated after intimacy). a few weeks ago, my friends and family all gathered and tried to give me advice that sounded like “you’re shy and you’ll never find someone.” after that, i’ve felt off. i’ve been using an unhealthy coping skill, daydreaming, and i’ve just felt unbalanced. my ocd makes everything feel different sometimes, i can’t explain it. life, myself, almost like being in a dissociated state. has anyone else experienced that? i don’t know how to remain balanced during my off times and i know pms exasperates it all. i take ashwaghanda and omega 3s in a multi vitamin daily. i take them all together in the evening but i’ve missed three days recently and also messed with my rocky sleep schedule because of fun times with friends. i hope these supplements work, because i don’t know if i’d be brave enough for medication. i had a bad reaction on prozac and often am forgetful. i just have been battling my OCD consciously for almost ten years now and unconsciously for longer. i am so tired, as my mental health extends beyond my OCD. i’m in talk therapy with some cbt aspects but i only see her twice a month. i’ve broken down so many times and promised myself id get on track or that certain things would work, but it’s like i am stuck in a circle that gets smaller when i’m able to help myself. i just want to be normal. i want to be able to mess up my sleep schedule to enjoy good times and not suffer horrible consequences or fear that i will be entirely thrown off balance. i don’t want to worry or doubt or feel so dissociative that i squint my eyes for a moment and wonder why i feel so unreal. i will never understand why god has allowed me to go through this. i cannot let it be for nothing but i don’t know how much more to bend and contort my body and brain to get somewhere stable but how lovely it would be if i could. i don’t have much of a schedule right now, i get apathetic and give in with things from time to time. one thing can trigger me and i am back to square one wether in a week or month. any advice, any and all is so helpful. your stories, your thoughts. maybe feeling less alone and knowing what has helped you is exactly what i need right now. thank you 💗

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 12w ago

i want to give up

I’ve been going through this rough patch for the last four months, and I can already feel an even worse one coming. I just feel scared. And on top of that, I’m going to stop therapy. After everything with my current therapist, I just don’t have the strength to keep trying anymore. I feel hopeless. My head hurts so much, and it’s hard to keep going when everything feels this bad. I just want to cry, hope this feeling passes, and maybe try again if it ever lets up. But right now, it feels like nothing will ever get better. I don’t feel like I can ask for help. I hate that it took me so long to realize this wasn’t the therapist for me. I was too scared of being dramatic, so I let it go on for far too long, and now I feel like I’ve just become a burden-like. I hate that I let it get to that point, especially when I was paying for this. I just want to give up. I feel broken down, and I don’t even want to be okay anymore.

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