Anyone else have a problem with this?

I can be way too hard on myself and beat myself up over the smallest slip up in regards to OCD. Sometimes it can feel like I'm gaslighting myself on what was "so blatantly and obviously a moral atrocity in thought and intent", when 95% of the time I'm not even sure what my own intent with dealing with these thoughts is or why I do what I do. It makes me feel like some shameless beast for "daring to even entertain the thought of something so VILE!!!" When I just get so confused and scared on moral issues, like my mind is pulled down a rabbit hole I can't escape until the tricks are done on me and it's too late, i've accepted such ideas I hate until that hate and trying to not give in convince me "it might not be that bad". It feels like anything, even the most mundane things can trigger this. This cycle happens mainly because I feel like there's "no way to escape committing more 'attrocities' in thought or compulsion anyway"...and these cycles become the basis for more of these incidents. there a way to stop this? There have been multiple times where I called myself the R word, and even knowing it's a slur I still called myself that because "I'm nothing if not deserving of such scorn". Any attempt to stop the madness makes it worse and it's like all this I talked about is so convincing I dare not question it until after the fact. Please help.

nae nae

Date posted: 31w

I'm a bit confused, but I'd really like to help if I can. What is the main issue?

Jabre7

Date posted: 31w

My main themes are moral/religious OCD and POCD(I know intellectually I have no desire for that but my brain is like it's trying to gaslight me into thinking I'm a creep for how I think of things or for even having an opinion on the questions the theme brings up, even when I try not to answer the questions). It's like I'm sucked into a rabbit hole of it, then shame and self loathing comes. Then religious OCD of "why don't you trust God on this!?" Sometimes I can get so burnt out with it all I can basically throw a tantrum in my head over it all or how "unfair it all is" that I'm "not offered escape when God promises there's escape for sin"(Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I have PTSD over even my own OCD issues at this point, which is why the "hands of the thoughts dragging me into the rabbit hole" happens like the post describes, and the "tantrums" too.)

nae nae

Date posted: 31w

@Jabre7 Oooh, I see what you're saying. I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. I can relate to the first part, although I don't struggle with religious OCD, which is an extra weight :( Arguing against those thoughts or trying to disprove them can be mental compulsions. When intrusive thoughts arise, it's best to use non-engagement responses against them, such as "Maybe, maybe not" or just a simple, "I don't have an answer to that right now," and then shifting focus back to whatever it was you were doing before. It takes practice, but sitting with the uncertainty and starving the thoughts of any attention is what takes away their power. As for religious OCD, I don't have a lot of advice since I'm not religious or don't struggle with it. I assume it can be dealt with similarly, though: Exposures and acceptance.

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