Death Anxiety Advice

Okay so for context to assist anyone who wants to give advice to me, I am religious (catholic) but I also believe in science, the reason I believe in both in simple terms is the math don’t math for me. Yes we know the big bang theory happened, but the theory is it started from a singularity kind of like what you would find in the center of a black hole, no one knows what happens if you go through it. So out of this point and singularity, there sprung an explosion that created the universe and in that universe out of all odds a planet was created (the only one we know of right now, though I think it’s highly likely there are other life forms out there) that just so happened to have to develop the exact right conditions for life to develop. And how did that life even develop, primordial soup, the earth’s bodies of waters just so happened to get the exact chemical compounds in the exact amount needed to create organic compounds such as amino acids. So my point in this science brief is that everything we experience and exist in is a statistical anomaly, to many anomalies to make sense for me. Maybe the way I understand religion ends up being correct or not, I hopefully won’t know for a really really really long while, I go with what makes sense to me, but I do know that there has to be some sort of higher power that I don’t understand that in my opinion must be at work within the universe. Despite all I know about science and all I know about religion (my own and others) I cannot shake my existential dread, I can’t shake the awful fear of death. I can’t even enjoy basic milestones in life like birthdays or weddings for people because it always creeps in. It even doesn’t help if I try to think about the concept of heaven and just radically accept that as my answer for what happens after, because then I feel so much fear and dread of seeing the people who traumatized me when I get there. My adopted mom once asked me when I would stop being scared of my abuser ever finding me or interacting me and I told her when the woman is dead, now that’s not even true. I can’t even feel of safety in religion because then I become terrified I’ll be in eternity with that woman, and I’m not even going to start on my religious OCD themes right now. It’s affecting my OCD horribly and I’ve had multiple panic attacks at this point and so so many compulsions, it’s like they never end. For those with death anxiety, what are things you’ve tried that I could try to help? Are there any specific therapies for death anxiety that I could try? I want to be able to take control of my life and be able to enjoy things without always having this creep up in the back of my mind, so I’ll gladly hear any suggestions or things others have tried that could help. Thank you!

JediMJ

Date posted: 13w

Your post reminded me of a song by David Wilcox called, “Big Mistake.” It’s a very science-y love song and it made me smile to be reminded of it, so thanks. Do you have death anxiety or existential OCD? I suppose you can have both, but OCD has those pesky compulsions. Do you have intrusive thoughts about death that you can try to be neutral about? Sometimes I just worry that I’m going to die before I do all the things I’d like to do. But, we are all going to die and sometimes I think it’s other people who are strange for *not* thinking about death, you know? I don’t know if this will work for you, but sometimes when I start panicking about life/death/what does it all mean?!, I say EXISTENTIAL CRISIS and pretend to hit my existential crisis button. (I only do this around my closest people, LOL.) And that just helps me reset—like a literal reset button. Not sure that my ramblings are helpful, but know that you’re not alone. 🙂

#Lexiriri

Date posted: 13w

@JediMJ I have both death anxiety and existential OCD along with a few other OCD themes, I’ve been diagnosed since I was 4. It’s a weird thing because I know that it will happen at sometime because we all have to go at sometime, I’m not sure if it’s the when it happens that scares me as much as the not knowing for sure. I mean I know what religion tells me, but it doesn’t give me comfort like it should. The idea of heaven is such an abstract concept, and then I start to think about but how would I even experience life after death what would that be like and then it just kind of spirals from there. It also can lead to me having really depressive symptoms when the OCD gets really bad because then I wonder what the point of everything is, if it’s all going to end eventually what’s the point of it now. But then I have to pose the philosophical idea that maybe death helps give meaning to life, because if it will all end someday doesn’t that make every moment all the more precious and give it all the more meaning. You can see how I end up in thought spirals with this. The only thing I’ve found that helps sometimes is this old clip from I love Lucy and Ricky tells Lucy oh honey we all have to go sometime and Lucy says we do and Ricky tells unless you know something the rest of us don’t. I don’t know why but it’s mildly comforting for some reason, but it’s short lived comfort.

JediMJ

Date posted: 13w

@#Lexiriri I ❤️ I Love Lucy. Humans have been contemplating life and death for centuries. I suppose there’s some comfort in that. My grandpa told my grandmother and me that he’d try to let us know if anything was beyond and I said, I DON’T WANNA KNOW! DO NOT HAUNT ME!” 😆 I figure I’ll find out when I get there. I guess the trick is to not get stuck in a downward doom spiral, to recognize the rumination and derail it. I was hoping some other people would add their thoughts, but maybe they’re all obsessing about other things. 🙃

Draykewampler

Date posted: 18w

fear of death and ocd

so i have ocd but this is the main theme ive been dealing with for the last few months, im obsessed with my mortality and i feel trapped by the reality of death. i dont really believe in an afterlife which makes it scarier, not that i dont wanna my brain literally just wont let me. but i have daily panic attacks thinking about death all day, its honestly the toughest thing ive ever dealt with. does anybody have any tips on how they manage this if they have ever dealt with it? not looking for reassurance, just some non compulsive ways to kind of lessen the grip of the fear.

oopiedoop

Date posted: 17w

tw for talk abt death

the concept of death & existence is ruining my life rn 😭 im losing so much sleep. i try to close my eyes & all my brain wants to do is try to wrap itself around the idea of what not existing feels like & i get this sinking feeling that grows & grows until my eyes snap open & i have to go back on my phone to distract myself until im literally too exhausted to keep my head up & my body forces me to sleep. it makes having the motivation to do anything hard because all i can think is "it wont matter when i die". it sucks because i know that having MORE in my life might actually improve this, im 21 unemployed still living at home with ASD & i know once i have a job that will definitely give me more to focus on & other stresses to have lol, but i feel like im stuck in the endless cycle of "not having a life makes me worried im wasting my life & itll all be over so fast" & then "being so stressed about my life & time passing is exhausting & makes it too hard to find the motivation to do anything other than sit here" & repeat. spirituality is hard because i like thinking that way, like afterlife & shit, but i worry that im just "in denial" & using it as an unhealthy coping mechanism that leads to magical thinking thoughts. then its like i have some sort of meta ocd spiral obsessing over if what im doing is bad & unhealthy for my ocd or not. i LIKE being spiritual but im worrying im hurting myself & doing a compulsion thinking that way. it also doesnt help that religious spaces have hurt & traumatized so many people & im terrified of being apart of a "delusional" community that spreads a false narrative & attacks anyone that doesnt agree with them. i know i am not like that but i worry im still apart of the problem even thinking this way. at the end of the day no one knows the truth, no one knows what happens after death. im just struggling to sit with the uncertainty. it is so late rn idk of any of my words make sense lol

mariahlexie

Date posted: 16w

Thoughts about what comes after death taking over

At first, it just started as harmless questions, curiously exploring the universe and what life and death mean as a human. Then it became an obsession about death and the afterlife. I’m a Catholic-turned-agnostic who recently took an interest in religion again, trying to redevelop a relationship with God without letting the fear of not being good enough and possibly going to Hell taking over me. Instead, my brain latched onto the possibility that there is no God, that there’s eternal nothingness after the short time we have here on earth and that everything means nothing. My love for my friends and family. My desire to achieve my goals, and to be happy for the people I love achieving theirs. I’m haunted by the feeling that it will all be for nothing, that I will never be reunited with those that I love, that the people I love who have passed on have ceased to exist and one day, so will I and everyone else. I can’t function now. I’ve made myself physically ill over this. I’ve lost my appetite. As someone who once took pride in how much love I have for my job as a daycare teacher, I come into work and feel numb. I go home and feel numb. I’ve obsessively started telling the people in my life how much I love and appreciate them because for the past three days, I’ve been sick thinking about how one day, either I’ll leave them or they’ll leave me. It feels like nothing matters. It feels like everything is in vain. I’ve tried so hard to reframe my mindset, to rewire my brain to not think that way. I’ve tried ERP techniques of allowing myself to sit with the discomfort that the fear brings. To try and desensitize myself to this fear. Nothing seems to work. I’m so lost. I’ve been this way for three days, with yesterday and today being worse than the day it started. It’s like the obsession is morphing into depression in a way. I’m scared I’ll never feel enjoyment in any form again. I don’t know what to do anymore.

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Death Anxiety Advice

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