fear of losing control??

I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I relate so much to what people here are going through. I used to think it was just anxiety, and I felt like I could handle that. But lately I’ve been spiraling—constantly afraid that what I’m feeling is something worse, like psychosis or losing control of my mind. I feel so detached and scared, and I just want peace again. I have anxiety doing the smallest things, like the thought of waking up everyday and even eating give me straight up panic. I am afraid all the time, it’s paralyzing. And a lot of people say someone with psychosis wouldn’t worry that they’re in it, but then I convince myself I’ve been in it this whole time, and haven’t known, and that maybe I’ve been doing weird stuff. Idk. I also get really scared of labels. Even the idea of OCD makes me feel like I’ll never get better or like I’ll be stuck like this forever. I just want to be okay. If anyone has felt this way—confused, overwhelmed, or scared of what’s happening in their mind—I’d really appreciate any support or encouragement.

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5d ago

I think most of us have felt this way at one time or another, particularly in the the pre-therapy stage. What you're going through is not uncommon, so you're not alone. You really should consider therapy with an trained OCD therapist who uses ERP therapy. You can contact NOCD for a free consultation. They can hook you up with a good one. It's what I did and it changed my life.

kenzieisfound

Date posted: 5d ago

@Steven55! Okay, thanks for the advice. I just am always iffy about therapy because I feel like they tend to always push medication on people, and I would really like to try and overcome some of this without any medication, if that’s even possible. Maybe having a therapist that specializes in OCD would be a lot different than one that doesn’t though.

Misstama65

Date posted: 5d ago

I've been there but it does get better. If it helps, I've never used medication. I think at least forme it's doable

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5d ago

I understand your concern. I know that in my journey my OCD therapist didn't try to push meds on me. We discussed it at one time, but I was the one who brought it up. I chose to go through therapy without meds, but my therapist did say quite a few of her clients did do meds, along with her talk therapy. She said, in tandem with talk therapy with a trained OCD therapist who uses ERP therapy, meds can be helpful but not on their own. I see a lot of people on this site who are given meds from a psychiatrist with no specialized therapy. Doesn't work well. OCD is a peculiar disorder. It doesn't respond well to general therapy offered by middle of the road psychiatrists or psychologists. It needs a trained OCD specialist. Hope this helps.

Xavier225

Date posted: 5d ago

Hey there! So sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s not advised to provide/seek reassurance too often (in the case of OCD) but it sounds like you may need some right now. I’ve been exactly where you are now - I had a panic attack about an existential question, and it felt like my entire life changed in 30 seconds. The panic lasted for weeks (this does not have to be true for you); everything made me panic. The anxiety was perpetual and so intense that I began to believe I was going crazy, or developing some sort of mental illness. These thoughts brought on major depression - I was convinced I would never return to my normal self.

kenzieisfound

Date posted: 5d ago

@Xavier225 I’m sorry you went through that. That’s exactly what I’m going through. What helped you?

Xavier225

Date posted: 5d ago

@kenzieisfound It’s been a gradual process for me. The first 2-3 weeks were by far the worst. I got back on my SSRI (I take fluvoxamine) and began ERP therapy. Not resisting the thoughts and allowing them to be present has been big for me. It sounds counterintuitive and can feel like it makes things worse at first, but allowing yourself to be anxious, not trying to resist it, and continuing on with your daily activities has been key. It may feel impossible at first, but I promise you will feel better eventually

kenzieisfound

Date posted: 5d ago

@Xavier225 Thank you. It’s so hard because the thoughts are so loud, and the fear seems so real. It’s like I’m waiting for it to happen to me. It’s paralyzing. But I’ll try my best to keep up on daily tasks and not fight the thoughts.

Xavier225

Date posted: 5d ago

@kenzieisfound OCD, anxiety, and depression are the best liars in the world. I have felt absolutely convinced that I was experiencing psychosis even though I did not have any symptoms. Also, please don’t research psychosis, schizophrenia, existential topics, etc. Best to wait until the anxiety settles and you can tackle exposures under the supervision of a therapist

Xavier225

Date posted: 5d ago

@kenzieisfound You’ve felt normal before - you will feel normal again, even if it seems impossible at the moment

kenzieisfound

Date posted: 5d ago

@Xavier225 Thank you so much, this made me feel seen and understood, so I really appreciate you taking the time to write this. And yeah, that’s one thing I won’t do, I do get tempted but ultimately I am to scared because I know that would make things 1000x worse. I am open to therapy, I just hope I can get better without needing medication, ( not that there’s anything wrong with medication ), I just have a lot of anxiety taking pills so I don’t think that’d help me.

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w ago

I'm fearing myself and I hate it

I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but when I learned more about it, I never related to anything more. A little back story: when I was younger, there were a couple of youth suicides in my area and the schools felt the need to have someone come in and talk about suicide. Well the person they had come in did a horrible job teaching it and basically made it seem like the smallest negative emotion or feeling or change in behavior made you suicidal. This ended up scaring me so much that I got horrid anxiety. Fast forward to now, Everytime I feel anxiety and panic, I fear I'm going to kill myself. Everytime I feel down and depressed, I fear I'll end it all. I'm scared to be around anything sharp because the "What if" I hurt myself comes into my mind. There are always intrusive thoughts at almost every point of the day. And it's not only for me. Everytime I hear someone being negative, I fear they will be suicidal. I know in my heart that none of this is true but it's terrifying me that it's stuck around so much that it makes me scared that maybe it is true. I've had a lot of death in my family in the past year and a half and a lot of other family drama that I'd never had before that is now also bringing up existential intrusive thoughts. And I'd never questioned anything about life before but now I get the "why is life like this?" and "does anything we do matter?" and I hate it. I don't want to think like that. I just want to go through life being able to handle things normally again. It terrifies me even right now going "what if you give up?"

cows12465

Date posted: 20w ago

please advice please!!!!

I feel like there’s no way out of this. everyday i’m anxious and depressed from these thoughts. i feel like i have to constantly question if it’s OCD or not. the panic attacks are insane and i freak out. and a compulsion i have is looking eveything up on the internet when im stressing to know that it’s just my OCD and im not in danger. but looking things up add on to my thoughts and i start thinking “what if” actual suidcal people think. do others with this theme whenever they do something like if im taking a picture it’ll be like “yeah you look happy people will wonder what happened when your gone” LIKE i DO NOT want to end my life. or even as simple as cleaning my room, “yup keep it clean so when your family goes through your stuff” then i panic and can’t even do anything. those thoughts distress me so bad. i’ll sit there and think how good my life is or when im having a good day my thoughts will be like “NOPEEE what if your just saying that to convince yourself” it never shuts up and genuinely makes me think i have SI or something. i hope this reaches the right people just to know im not alone. Even when i do get better in the back of my mind it’s always “people who want to are the same a day before too” im genuinely scared and im scared one day im going to just snap and do it because its “too much” do i need to go to a mental hospital! i feel insane.

frannyb

Date posted: 13w ago

I can't do this anymore

I can't live with OCD anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm being constantly bullied in my own mind all day everyday. I don't know if what I think and feel is ever real or normal or okay, what is me and what is the OCD thoughts. I don't know if any of my experiences are normal. I'm exhausted from picking apart every single conversation I ever have with anyone until I'm strung out by a vague and ambiguous feeling of guilt. I'm tired of feeling like I'm a bad person and feeling scared all the time and not knowing why and having my brain spin me out on an endless spiralling train of thoughts that never goes anywhere and just makes me feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I don't know what I feel and if what I feel is normal or if anything I am doing is real and actually me or if I'm 'losing my mind.' I don't even know if this makes any sense. I get into these states of mind where every thought in my head and everything I feel and perceive makes me question my own sanity. I don't know if anyone likes me because I have absolutely no concept of what I am actually like. I feel completely lost and confused CONSTANTLY.

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fear of losing control??

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