i need help please

@anonanon5 do you have experience with pocd or incest thoughts? i’m scared and feel sick to my stomach and need help. i’d talk to my partner about these things but i’m afraid of what they might think

@helpmeeee_ - I don't currently, but I have had both of those themes in the past (like 2-3 years ago). So I understand and I won't judge you!

@anonanon5 last year some time i was scrolling on facebook and someone had their baby as their profile picture. i got scared and wondered if i had any groinal responses so i started to recheck if i did by forcing groinal responses. i kind of zoned out while checking and then i got thoughts like “why am i still checking? this feels intentional. am i doing this because of the baby?” and i immediately freaked out because i guess it felt like i had done something very inappropriate. i ended up moving on but i had hours and hours worth of panicking. well, recently it’s resurfacing and i’m scared i had bad intentions and i’m wondering why i kept checking over and over and wondering why i didn’t stop. recently i have been getting uncomfortable inappropriate thoughts about a family member and earlier i heard them say something and i was worried that what they said was attractive to me and i got a thought like “what if i tense up? (force groinal response)” then i felt my anxiety disappear and i tensed up. immediately after i wondered why i did that and felt scared and confused. idk what to do and i feel very trapped. also just now the family member walked by and as i was standing up to avoid them i got a groinal response from standing up and im worried i did it on purpose. it feels like i purposely made the sensation happen. im trying to make it happen again and it wont. when standing up ive been trying to “push” so i dont experience any sensations down there but it doesnt work all the time and some sensations feel intentional like just now

@helpmeeee_ - So these are definitely checking compulsions, which are some of the most nefarious compulsions in my opinion. This is because checking often involves actions. Like you described: looking at something on purpose, tensing up, etc. Because you do an action to check, the anxiety that comes back on you later is so much worse and more powerful, since you have that "evidence" of you doing an action. You are dedicating a lot of energy and thought to trying to figure out your thoughts, actions, responses, emotions, and also how your anxiety reacts to them. When you spend this much time thinking and analyzing your own mind, you lose touch of your true desires and values. How you can get out of this is by promising yourself that you will stop engaging with the thoughts and feelings. For example, you said that you changed the way you stood up to avoid the groinal responses. What that does is give more power and meaning to the feeling. Instead, live your life as you normally would and RESIST going back to things to check, changing the way you move, etc. If you are able to resist those things, you take away their power and slowly go back to the peace you once knew. Plus, you avoid the extra anxiety and guilt that follow a checking compulsion. Currently, you're engaging with the OCD -- which isn't unethical or wrong -- but it will make it worse. And it will give you anxiety.

@anonanon5 thank you so much, i’ll try it’ll just be difficult to stop everything i’m tired of over analyzing everything. tomorrow i have an appointment to get medication so i’m hoping things can calm down soon after i get my medication

@helpmeeee_ - It is super hard. I tell myself that either I have to deal with the anxiety now from not compulsing, or the anxiety later that comes after the compulsion with is always worse. So you gotta pick the less bad anxiety option! Getting on lexapro changed the game for me. It helped with my OCD a lot. I hope it works out for you!