Real event / sexual themed / guilt

TW: Sexual content I posted my story before but deleted it because I was too ashamed but I really need to talk it off me and hopefully get some advise from you. In my early twenties I did something terrible and it haunts me every now and then sooo bad. And it makes me want to confess so much. So here it is: I was having a sleepover with my mom in her bed (same bed, different matresses) and I couldnt sleep. She was sleeping already with her face away from me. At that time when I couldnt sleep I would normally touch myself/masturbate because it relaxes me and helps me fall asleep. And at that moment I did that... on top of my clothes and now extreme or anything just a bit of touching. She didnt notice anything since she was sleeping (clearly) and it is a long time ago but the memory. of this event haunts me. Ofcourse I didnt have sexual intentions and I will never do it again but the guilt is beating me up. Im struggling so much to confess to her what a horrible thing I did and that I am a bad daughter :( I know it is really gross and nasty of me that I did it and I really really regret it. Does anyone has some advise? Please?

Oh Dear

Date posted: 30w

I share a room with my mom because we live in a city where apartments with multiple rooms are extremely expensive and I did the same thing multiple times between the ages of like 16-19. Although this isn’t my main ocd theme, my brain will sometimes return to it and I’ll feel extremely ashamed and grossed out.

lavender1010

Date posted: 14d

@Oh Dear How are you doing now ? I have done similar things and my brain was completely compulsive after going through trauma and did similar . It’s the shame cycle that makes it feel worse than it rid . When you’re a teenager you make dumb mistakes and it comes back as a theme of OCD . I hope you are doing well and you deserve peace from your past you are a good person .

Oh Dear

Date posted: Yesterday

@lavender1010 Youre so kind, I just try to remind myself that what happened is in the past and that no matter how many times I try to mentally review it, I can’t go back and change it. I also have to keep telling myself that rummination makes the compulsion worse. The thing that I really struggle with though is getting triggered by stuff I see online, I was doing so well these last few weeks for example but recently got triggered by something from social media. I do hope you get better as well and stop feeling so much shame from your past. I also don’t have a therapist so I think when I do finally have the courage to get one I will be able handle triggers like this better.

Anony1314

Date posted: 1y

Friend. You are okay. This is OCD. Trust me friend, you have nothing to confess. I'm here for you!

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