Anonynmous19

Date posted: 12w

What if thought

I was watching porn years ago and i have intrusive associative thoughts. Ocd says the person in the videi resembles my relative or my wifes. I had this intrysive thoughts and then ocd says since it reminded me of her relatives what if i was arousing over them. Im nit attracted to them and its ego dystonic. Ocd says if i dud thats betrayal to my spouse. Ive confessed about this so many times and did last night. Then this morning ocd says i didbt confess last night when i did ir kt wasnt good enough or thus detail means i couldve or i need to confess this detail. I was doing fibe this year snd this intrusive memiry and what if just hit me yesterday and ive been ruminating abd feeling guikt and unworthy of my spouse. Please help

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 12w

Okay, there are two main parts of ERP for you to apply here. The first is regarding how you HANDLE the thoughts. When the thoughts come to you about attraction, you do NOTHING. It doesn’t matter if it’s the worst thought you can imagine. Just go on with your life. Don’t respond. Don’t do anything to fix the thought. Don’t do any compulsions. Practice moving on with lifez. Just allow the yucky thoughts to flow freely through your mind. Just let the thoughts rattle around in your brain all they want. Don’t try to fight them off. Don’t try to fix them. Just let the thoughts be in your head. If you can learn to do this, your life will be so much easier!! ————- The second thing is to resist the compulsions. So when OCD says you have to confess, DON’T DO IT. This will make you feel anxious inside, but you have to ride out that anxiety. It will be scary, but keep saying NO to the compulsions. Like to said, the OCD will never be satisfied, so you have to say No to the compulsions the whole time. ——————————————— If you can do these two things, you can conquer this stuff!!! That is how you apply ERP: You allow the thoughts to run freely through your head (and don’t try to stop them). And then stop doing the compulsions. Do you think you can do this?

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 12w

@Tea and Honey Im going to try. I feel sick to my stomach. Gut wrenching. And intense anxiety. Ocd tries to say since i had an affair in my teen years with my exs mom than i aroused over my spouses mom while watching porn and the intrusive thought that the porn stat resembled her but im not attracted to my spouses mom. Im commited to my spouse. And its trying to associate my past sin and mistake from teen years to adult relationship ocd. I cant even watch porn without having intrusive ideations like this person looks like my grandma or her mom. And the symptom of guilt is what keeps me ruminating and confessing. I know its OCD though because for the last year this didnt bother me. Until yesterday when tbe intrjsive what if thought came in and the ocd feelings of uncertainty and doubt. I recognize its ocd. Yet i feel anxious and doubt and guilt

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 12w

@Tea and Honey How do i cope wjth the ocd feelings of guilt, gut wrenching, fever like symptoms ocd makes me sick. I feel sick

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 12w

I know its OCD andni confessed before when it happened but i know said it was an intrusive thought that entered when i was watching porn. And i said what if it means i arousednover them but i dont think it meant that i think it was just an intrusive association. I went years without thinking this and talking with our relatives and my wife and I being happy and now all of sudden at random i remembered the porn video and the intrusive thought and the what if thought yestersay got me anxious and doubting and now ive been ruminating for a day. I know its ocd. I feel anxiety and guilt which i know are symtloms and the compulsive urge to confess is a compulsion. I confessed last night again. And now this morning ocd says i need to confess again and doubting did i confess last night but i didnt. Andni know the more i confess the worse the urge to confess again is an for ocd its never enough

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 12w

I know the trigger was the intrusive memory of the time i watched porn and had the intrusive ideations and the second trigger was the “what if i aroused over relatives thought”

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 12w

It’s time for ERP therapy. Have you heard of it? It will really help with all of this!!!!

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 12w

@Tea and Honey How can i do ERP for this? Would it be to watch the videos that trigger this?

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 12w

@Anonynmous19 The porn videos that ocd latches intrusive associations too? And then disprove it in real tkme thats what my therapist said

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 12w

Isnt the fact it randomly intrudes with what if and the symptoms follow after two years a sign its ocd.

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 12w

@Anonynmous19 Yes, that it’s a sign it’s OCD. It is totally OCD. Don’t worry about it. Yes!!!! You are going to feel sick to your stomach. But you have to go forward anyway and live your life. Let me give you an example. I have religious OCD. And my OCD says I said something wrong last week and now must be doomed to hell. I feel guilty and sick inside too. I feel a lot of internal pain inside. But I have to learn to go forward anyway. I have to treat OCD the way it needs to be treated EVEN THOUGH I feel sick inside. Feeling sick inside is normal when you are recovering from OCD. Your OCD wants you to follow its compulsions to make you feel better. And if you do them, you will feel better for a little while. But then the OCD comes back worse. The only way to defeat the OCD is to ignore the OCD, even though it makes us feel miserable inside. It is the path to getting better!! So this is how you deal with the guilt and the gut wrenching feelings… You do nothing about them. You let the feelings be there. But you do GO ON WITH LIFE, even though you feel miserable inside. It’s really hard. I know it is. But if you stop feeding the OCD, it will get smaller and smaller. Eventually, all the bad feelings will go away on their own.

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 12w

@Tea and Honey Thank you for your time and explaining. I felt the temporary relief in the past snd last night when confessing this and similar false memory what ifs and then the bext moring like today or yearslater it comes right back like you said. Its hard because i feel unworthy of my wife and our family. Im sure your ocd makes you feel unworthy of God and heaven. I understand i have to not react to ocd and see it as ocd and disregard

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 12w

@Anonynmous19 Yes, you are right!! Yes, don’t react to it. See it as OCD and disregard it. Yes:( The OCD makes me feel unworthy of heaven. It’s so hard! But I am learning to ignore and keep doing other things. Even though I don’t want to :):)

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 12w

@Tea and Honey Ocd is putting in intrusive details and saying maybe that proves the what if though and i need to confess. I confess again this morning but didnt say those details and ocd cays i need to confess again. I know its all ocd and i need to disregard the details and content. It is ruining my family and inner peace. I feel like a failure

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 12w

@Anonynmous19 It’s okay. We are not perfect. We are going to give in to the compulsions every once in a while. So give yourself grace. It’s okay. Just get up tomorrow and try again!! When OCD says you have to confess, DON’T do it. You don’t have to listen to OCD. Your OCD will always tell you to do things that are harmful to you. So stop listening to OCD. When OCD tells you to confess, just don’t do it:);) When you refuse to do the OCD compulsions, you will experience great anxiety. You will feel very bad inside. Expect this to happen. You have to ride out the bad feelings that come. Just remember that OCD will pitch a fit when you do not obey its rules. But you need to keep practicing disobeying the OCD. Things will get easier over time:):):)

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 17w

18+ Intrusive thoughts during s3x

I was having intimacy. Watching p0rn. And during climax i got intrusive thoughts a d anxious. I hate when this happens. As a compulsion whenever i get intrusive ocd thoughts i usually think of my wife or therapist (whose a man) and say their name. For my wife its because shes the love of my life. My comfort. And during intimacy of course to arouse over her. When i think of my therapist its not anything sexual its just like a comforting thought since hes the one that is helping me thru ocd. But now ocd is saying why did i think lf him during climax. And in my head i heard my voicr saying his name but this was my way of distracting myself from the intrusive thoughts. It wasnt to arouse myself over him it was tk distract myself and it wasnt a compulsion. Ocd tries associating it with my sexual experience and its making me feel very guilty and anxious. Then i worry was i saying his name. I did in my head but it wasnt again a compulsion tk distract from ocd. Then that made me anxious so i said my wifes name and thougjt kf her. I just had intrusive thought so i panicked and out of compulsive habit i usual say thr name of my wifr and therapist

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 17w

Sexual ocd

I was watching a porn videi a whike back and intent was to look at the woman. I clicked on the video and tbe camera was up close so i couldnt distinguish who as the man and woman up close because it wasnt their faces but their butt. Once the camera adjusted and i realized it was the mans butt not the womans i felt sick to my stomach and anxios. It happened a long time ago so i dont recall every detail but i rememwbr the anxiety, stress, guilt and anger i felt. Im sure j was upset and changed the video. Ocd tries rk make me doubt this and sats im gay because of this and then tries to attack me with not only hocd but rocd saying i was unfaithful for eatching porn and worse tbat i was watchibg n doing tge deed to the guys butt. I thought it was the womans n when i realized it wasnt i was anxious and mad. It happened long sgo i dont recall the details sk ocd is making me diubt. Im not gay and i know my intention was ti see the woman and fantasize of my wife. Then ocd says i lije thr guys beard so it neans i was arousing over him. Or thoughts that he’s handsome so it means i was arousing over him. U cant control my thoughts but i kniw im not gay. And my intentions were to see and arouse over the woman and fantasize over my wife. I know ocd wants me tk diubt the memory but i know who i am and i dont arouse over men. Im pretty sure when i realized jt was the man butt not the woman i was angrg embarrased felt anxiety and changed the video to one where it was the womans body part and that i can better distinguish between the man and female so it wkukdnt hallen again because i dont want to arouse over a mans butt only a womans. I was driving and had the memory kf this and then the ocd made me doubt and question the memory and said im gay and unfaithful ti my wife and all the intrusive thoughts. I think i recall telling my theralist sbout this after it happened. I recalk vyt icd is making me doubt this too. I know who i am and i know the fact this was an random intrusive thought turning into a real event false memory with doubts anxiety snd guilt shows its ocd. And the anxiety around the thought of arousing to the man makes me sick to my stomach and like ny therapist said i know im not gay and im not living two lives. I just thought it was a womans butt and ciuldnt tell that close up and when i realized it wasnt i was anxious.

User17annon

Date posted: 16w

Please help 😞

I have false memory real event ocd, I’ve been married 13 years and I used to constantly bring up past mistakes from when we were dating and it RUINED our marriage, but I got medication and therapy and things got better untill a few weeks ago where everything crumbled. I have a memory that is 13 years ago of me being intimate with my husband (than boyfriend) while being intimate I have a memory of sending a text to a male who obviously liked me but I didi not while my husband was under the covers . And I keep thinking over and over how disgusting and inappropriate it was to do that especially doing it in the middle of being intimate 😞. I have confessed this to my husband last year and he didint believe me saying it’s probably a made up memory and would are not a slut and wouldn’t do that. Now i have guilt all over again for weeks and it’s taking such a toll on me it’s all I think about and try to remember every detail I’ve thought about it so much I don’t even know if it’s 100 percent true. But I can vividly see it when I close my eyes. How do I get over this guilt without confessing? Confessing would absolutely destroy my husband.

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