Im new here and I'm really scared. Rn I'm dealing with the fear that I'm sexually attracted to harming others. I've always been disgusted by anything harmful or violent and it's scaring me to death. I'm constantly checking my genitals to see if I've been aroused by these thoughts. and when i feel any movement at all there I try to scroll remember what thought did that and assume it was a bad one. Earlier this year I went through the same thing thinking I was attracted to kids. and now I'm wondering if it was true, not OCD and now my mind is just even more warped and twisted so I'm attracted to physical violence. I was having barbeque with my family a bit ago and couldn't get through the meal bc I had a thought about eating people and I thought "what if the meat triggers something in me and I start eating people?". it's a nightmare and I don't know what to do. I even know that I'm sexually attracted to my wife in a completely normal way, and I really enjoy sex with her when my head is clear. but as these thoughts get rampant I feel less and less like I want to have sex with her (which only makes the fear that these awful things are what I r e a l l y want all the worse) what on Earth can I do about this. I can't go near knifes or play videogames or watch anything with even a hint of violence or I flip out by checking myself and spiraling. Is any of this normal? if so how do I fix it? how can I expose myself to this when I feel so sure and so scared that it will arouse me. is this ocd? or am I a psychopath

I had this for a long time and it does pass!

You’re not a psychopath, but you’re very likely someone with OCD. And for someone with OCD, everything you described is normal. Can you work with an OCD specialist? Practicing exposures for the first time can be quite confusing for a newbie. And it’s super helpful to have an expert help you construct a proper hierarchy and select explosures you can actually handle while coaching you through how to resist compulsions in response.

I'm SO sorry this is what you're experiencing. I'm no professional by any means, but based on all my experience living with OCD & hearing about others' experiences I feel pretty comfortable saying I do NOT think you're a psychopath; I think you're struggling with OCD, and I'm so sorry because that's awful and you don't deserve it. You're feeling all this guilt and fear, which you would not be experiencing at all if you were actually a dangerous person. Someone who's actually going to go out and cause harm will not be freaking out about it, won't be bent out of shape about it, won't be joining online communities and asking other people for their input. I can all but promise that. Now, because I'm not a professional I really can't advise you on how best to cope with and treat your deeply distressing symptoms, but as a fellow sufferer I can tell you I SO believe in your ability to ask for the help you need, accept the help that comes your way, and work your way out of this scary place. You don't deserve to live with such torment. Trust me on this one. The fact that you're agonizing over these thoughts speaks volumes. The thoughts are a symptom of a treatable problem; they are not an indication that you are a bad person in any way.