Can’t remember being normal

Have you ever done ERP therapy? I see you've been here since 2021 so you're not new to this

Ight, this is gonna be a novel so bare with me. I can’t tell you how familiar this is. The exact thing you’re thinking/feeling so have I. Anytime you see people together, you start spiraling, thinking, “how tf are they not harming eachother?” “What makes them not want to?” “How is there so many people in the world and the ones that do commit acts are few to the many?”. This turns into questioning your morals and shit you know “what is harm/killing?”, “why am I like this?“. Then you might go to “why cant I “FEEL” how horrible it is?”, “I must want to do it”. I know this cycle all too well. I’m no therapist, but as someone who knows EXACTLY how you feel, I can tell you this. 1. You’re absolutely not alone. While it feels impossible that anyone else on the planet could be experiencing what you are, they are. At this very moment even, I am. You don’t have to believe that, and if your OCD is anything like mine, it will tell you “there is no way this rando is telling the truth because I’m the worst, no one has ever had it this bad”, but it’s completely wrong, myself and many others have felt the way you are feeling and much worse. 2. You have OCD homie, accepting that and understanding that you’re going to go through this, it’s going to happen and coming to peace with that is powerful. 3. ERP. Even if you don’t believe in it, even if your OCD tells you it won’t work, even if forces you to spiral at times, force yourself to do it. I feel and think all of these things everyday. Finding motivation feels impossible. Even leaving the house or being around people can feel like the most horrifying thing on the planet. It’s a vicious cycle of being afraid to be around people, then when you build up the courage to be around them, feeling horrible about yourself because you are thinking these things whilst they have no idea. I get it. If that’s something you also feel, the answer is simple, do it. Go be around people, sit with the feelings don’t combat them. Will you be healed after 1 go? Hell no. It’ll take time and I won’t lie, it’s difficult. 4. It is possible to beat this. Just saying that phrase, my OCD tells me that because I said that, now I won’t, but that’s the nature of it in real time. I’ve never commented on anything like this before, but I know exactly how you feel. Never alone, you got this.

I’m in the trenches just like you! You can’t give up! You can fail, stumble, have a setback. That’s inevitable! You just can’t quit. OCD is a bitch (mind my language). Thought it’s possible to conquer. I want to share a quote with you. Out of the night that covers me,       Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be       For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance       I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance       My head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears       Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years       Finds and shall find me unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate,       How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate,       I am the captain of my soul. Invictus- William Ernest Henley (1875)

You’re normal. It feels super real because it’s in your head. Nothing you think makes you who you are or increases the chances of it coming true. Thoughts are just thoughts. No matter how terrifying or scary they are. You can say so much scary things in your head, it doesn’t make it who you are

I just asked if you're ok on your other post. I see you're stuck in the OCD spiral pretty badly.

When people used to ask me what im doing this weekend my brain would answer “kill people” it was so distressing but now i laugh at it. How fucking stupud 😂😂 honestly you need to have the same reaction by laughing and not careing about it. I promise you it works wonders