what do i do? do i tell him? their marriage has been loveless for years and she hates him, it makes us miserable, and i just found messages of her and a past relationship that shes been talking to since march (but im betting its been since before that) do i tell him? it would cause a lot of chaos, my mom wouldn’t trust me anymore, im not sure what to do help please
i came on NOCD because i have no other adult (im only 18) to talk to about it
update im talking to one of my dad’s friends i hope this wasn’t a mistake
Maybe tell a trusted adult or a counselor? Do you have a friend you can talk to? How do you know they are romantically involved and she is not just talking to an old friend? (Just asking there were no details given)
@Anonymous they’re sending tiktoks calling eachother wife and husband, sending videos that talk about explicit things, etc. this guy is also an ex of hers, and she cheated on her ex husband with this same guy. so here she marries husband1, cheats on husband1 with this guy, divorces husband1 meets my step dad who i call dad, gets married, then cheats on my step dad with the same guy that she cheated on husband1 with theres more to the story but the messages i found were not platonic i talked to my dad’s friend and she told me to tell him tomorrow so that is the plan
@helpmeeee_ I agree with telling your step dad as the truth will eventually show somewhere and since you already happen to know, choosing silence is still being an accomplice to the person who made bad choices. Not to mix up if you need a momentary silence to figure and gather information, but there's a difference between gathering a short time versus waiting too long for the right time because there's never really a best time to talk about sad news. I hope whatever happens still goes smoothly for you and I'm sorry to hear someone that's suppose to care for family has made immature choices. You were very mature to get help and choosing to be part of the truth. There can be temporary pain for the possible upcoming changes of everyone's relationship but it would be more suffering in silence and the inevitable.
@Anonymous i told him, but he believes my mom (even though there is blatant evidence) and now my mom is trying to butter up with buying me things
@helpmeeee_ I'm sorry I can't be of more help and I'm sorry this is happening to you. ❤️ I hope you find peace.
@helpmeeee_ Hi helpmeeee, then you have done your minimum necessary to value your honesty and integrity. The rest is for the adults involved in how they react and handle of such affairs. Sometimes relationships get better oddly enough because it's now out in the open and they are okay with such arrangements even if it's not a common practice. It's rare so that's why there's been debates of how it's ill advised to keep things unsaid or keep trying to fight for the truth of either sides because humans have their own autonomy, complexities, and values. It's up to you if you want to enjoy the things your mom buys because irregardless of the reason the items are separate objects. Otherwise without worrying what others think and more about if your values doesn't like such attachment to the gifts you can politely decline the gifts. I personally have done both ways as some items were practical in my life or to help if anything were to go down and have decline bribery because I felt with this particular person was going to get the wrong message from me and keep treating me worse because of the gift. I also know firsthand there will be pleading/gifting and claims of obligations even if I don't get gifts so I chose cautiously what and even I accept gifts. I learned when someone pulls up "but i got you this gift years ago so you have to be on my side" I responded "I thought you got it for my early birthday present! Was that your intention to give me things so I have to do what your say and you didn't gift it out of love?" 99% of the time they are speechless. The one time they agreed shamelessly to yes, I respond with "well then you can have it back. It's not a gift or proper contract" which makes them shut up and even if they want it back I end up never giving them back. Should have put it in a contract if they want such demands which is already silly. Let your step dad, friend, mom handle the rest. Your step dad may need time or something else as a deal breaker or change. Parents can be resilient that way, it does suck if it's about tolerating bad behavior rather than having a goal to be resilient to become a person they respect. Not all evidence are treated equally to each person. Hopefully you have good friends to support you in this time and just live your life respectfully to yourself even if you're around questionable flawed people. You got a good head on you to recognize and take action which is better than most adults I've come across. Those adults didn't want to grow to accept any evidence, good or bad. They only changed when they were finally done struggling with their current method to finally want to try to do something else.
my spouse cheated on me on our wedding night and i haven't gotten over it. they never told their parents and i was resentful their parents didn't know. so i called them and told them today. it felt good in the moment to have that extra support from my in-laws but im freaking out now that i have to confess to my partner and they will feel betrayed by me and leave me. is this confession OCD or a real fear? i'm really freaking out.
there’s currently tension between the members of my family and it’s not only making me stressed, but it’s giving me really bad anxiety. the situation that’s happening is the byproduct of feelings being held in for years on end finally coming out. the situation doesn’t really have to do with me directly but more indirectly. it’s more so between my brother and my mom. and i’m really close with both. i also am home when i’m not at college. anyways, the issue is my harm ocd is latching onto it. lately, if i don’t like someone’s personality or they do something wrong, my harm ocd will latch onto that. this situation it happens to be my mom. but it’s also been my mom for a little bit now because she has faults that she refuses to acknowledge. my ocd is making me believe i hate my mom and so on. and i don’t hate my mom, but there are times where i really dislike her and how she handles situations, like this one. but i hate being at college more than i would hate to go home and i always love being home. it’s just this situation is making my harm ocd not great, making me not want to go home. furthermore, my contamination ocd gets triggered because of my harm ocd as i get nauseous so then i spiral. anyways, i apologize for rambling but i just need either some words of advice or support if anyone wouldn’t mind :)
Basically, I've kept a secret from my family, specifically parents, for a couple of years now. This isn't something I'm proud of. It just sort of happened, and then I stupidly kept digging a deeper hole, fearing how they'd react. But tonight, my mom and I were talking, and she brought up how a few years back, she'd stopped talking to my aunt (for about a year) after they got into a disagreement/argument. Long story short, my aunt lied about a decision she'd made due to the fear of how her parents would react. The only person who knew the truth was my mom. My mom said she didn't like how my aunt was hiding this from the rest of the family because it felt like "manipulating their reactions," in a way. My aunt's since told the rest of the family, and everything ended up okay. They talk all the time now. But this conversation with my mom really hit me. It's embarrassing to admit, but there were these online courses I was supposed to be taking. But I fell behind due to no motivation and probably no self-discipline. And initially, the lie I told was small. I planned to catch up, so I didn't see the issue. But then I could never get through the lessons. I couldn't pay attention, I'd space out, go on my phone, get distracted, or fall asleep. I don't know if it's just laziness or lack of motivation. I'd been really depressed back then. But still, I've barely gotten through any of it. Out of guilt, fear, or shame, I kept building onto this lie that I was getting through the coursework. But I wasn't. I've carried all this guilt, yet I've never worked up the courage to be honest because I feel like I'd lose their trust forever, or they'd use it against me. And part of me thinks they'd have a right to react that way. I feel selfish for keeping this to myself. For lying and building onto the lie continuously over the last couple of years. I'm so ashamed, but I kept telling myself that I'd bounce back, but I just never did. I needed help, but I was too afraid to reach out for it. I just really need advice, I guess. Despite all of this, I really hate lying. It feels icky, and it only ever exacerbates things. I've been so open with my parents about everything except this. And I don't want that. I know I need to be honest with them, but I don't know how. I'm still afraid, but continuing to hide this is worse. I love my parents. I'm just terrified of disappointing them, or them losing all trust in me. I think my mom using the word, "manipulating," while describing my aunts situation and the reason for keeping her secret really sent my mind spiraling with all these terrible "what ifs" on how my parents might react. I feel terrible, and I've felt guilty for a long time, but... Yeah, I don't know. I'd appreciate advice, or just... thoughts. I don't know at this point. I'll take anything 😭🙏🏻 I'm thinking about telling my psychiatrist about all of this when I next see her, if anything.
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