I’m trying to let them pass not engage nothing , trying to compusle but the thoughts won’t leave. My brain keeps telling me I should stab my dad for not asking if I’m okay after the death of my ex …
I send my condolences for your ex, please take time to care for yourself in this period of grieving. The best thing to do in situations like this is to not just "let the thoughts pass" as they'll continue to linger if you try to ignore them. Try leaning into Exposure Response Prevention, actively lean into this distressing thoughts, try to accept the possibility and uncertainty that "maybe I could try stabbing my dad later, only time will tell." The more you lean into these thoughts, the less you'll want to act out on your compulsions, and the less you'll try to figure things out.
Have you tried using non-engagement responses? The more I practiced using them, the easier it got to not engage. Examples like you could agree with the thought, "maybe I should stab my dad. Maybe I will." And after agreeing just sitting with that uncertainty. Or saying something like "I am choosing not to engage with this thought. I will redirect my attention to something else" and do something you enjoy or something productive. There are so many non-engagement responses you can try, you can look some up on Google. I hope this helps <3 it won't help immediately but if you practice over time, it will improve ❤️
I’ve been in the same boat before. We just have to accept the fact that they’ll always be there and by learning to recognize them but not engage with them, soon they just blend in the background. I promise it gets better 🩵
It's okay to be angry about that too. The ocd is any compulsion you do to try and rid the thought, and the thought itself may have warped over time (like maybe it didn't start out that way) but just because you have ocd doesn't mean you can't also feel. You get to be angry about it, please do, and can do so in a way that feels better to you (like telling him youre mad or just getting to be angry as much as you want on your own) when youre not dealing with the fears or obsessions of stabbing him (that's where ERP comes in).
I’m sorry for your loss. I also deal with harm ocd but about my husband. The thoughts are constant but it’s the acts we take to not engage in them are what matters. Sometimes I find myself tripped up when the thoughts appear but I remind myself of my true intentions and exposures that have been beneficial for me. Are you doing exposures? One that really helped me and may be extreme if you’re not ready for it or have a willing partner is holding a knife up to the other person, confronting the fear head on. This again is extreme and distressing but can be reached within the hierarchy.
@dslite I did this to my dog before a year ago and haven’t tried since. I’ve held knives before and it kinda helped but right now I’m spiraling and feel I can snap
these days im feeling so bad, I can’t take it anymore, I have thoughts and images I don’t like that just won’t leave me, I feel so heavy, I want to bump my head into a wall until I pass out so I can have a break, I want my brain ti stop working and leave me alone, I can’t exist like this, I’m constantly thinking about this stuff and feeling disturbed, it just won’t leave, what do I do? sorry if this is written so badly but I really need to vent
I’m tired of thinking about the same OCD thought to “kill mom” it just doesn’t leave. I try to break the cycle but when it’s broken it just sits there and waits to be interacted with. Idk what to do im tired of it. And it makes me feel like a psycho path and I’m tired of not feeling like myself.
I cant get over this thought that is messing my recovery up so much. it was “if you dont act on your thoughts this will never go away” which led to thoughts like if i even wanted to get better, if i even want my life back, if i even WANTED this to go away, etc. im scared. im confused. is this normal? am i gonna have to act on this stuff now? im mainly concerned about my family. i dont wanna hurt them. this disease is horrible. this subtype is horrible. i love my family. why would i want to hurt them? im so afraid this is it for me. i try to do what everyone tells me. ignore the thought, let it sit, sit with the uncertainty/discomfort but the anxiety doesn’t go away. this thought keeps coming back with a vengeance. i thought i was making great progress but im back where i was. i ruminate about this 24/7 and i dont know how to stop. we tried sitting on the couch together last night and it felt like i was RESISTING hurting them. im in constant awareness that i can act on these anytime and it hinders my daily life and work so much. everytime i talk to anyone in my family i feel things like i shouldnt be talking to them if im gonna hurt them and i dont deserve to be around them. i feel like i dont deserve to be alive, i dont deserve to be happy, and i dont deserve to be comfortable. i feel like a psycho whos never gonna get to live life with a husband and family. i feel like i don’t deserve my sweet boyfriend. i dont want my thoughts to latch onto him. this is my mind when i wake up, when i try to go about my day, and when i go to sleep. it feels like it just wont dissipate regardless of what i do. the cycle never ends. its been 4 MONTHS. what the fuck do i do anymore
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