How can I recover and starve the HOCD. It feels so real since it uses sensations, gronials, urges, past memories etc. it’s so frickin difficult. I just want to recover and be the person I was.
Allow yourself to believe the OCD could be right and stop trying to disprove it! That’s the best way to starve it
When you focus on the past, it makes you question more because ocd will always come with a what if. Embrace today! Embrace your values!
I have focused on the past a lot. My mom named me after Laura Ingalls Wilder, who made a name for herself writing about her past.
@krelia It’s so hard not to think about the past :(( My ocd uses it against me
@ocdsurviver It’s very hard. We want so badly to find answers to prove why we are not our thoughts but ocd will use everything to keep the feeling of doubt going. You know the term skeletons in the closet? Everybody has regrets or things they’ve done that they aren’t sure about. The person you are now and your actions define you. It’s so hard to not try to search for answers through the past because we want that certainty. But nothing is ever certain and that’s okay. Keep being you
@krelia Also how many times have you analyzed the past and are still questioning? That’s ocd. It doesn’t matter who you were in the past. It matters who you are now. You got this
@krelia Thank you so much for your reply sis 🥺 It helps a lot. I hope I’ll return to normal and fall in love with a man like I’ve always wanted to💔
@krelia The thing that keeps the thoughts going is also because of how the rainbow community promotes that if children do/feel something in an early age then that is an indicator. I have absolutely NOTHING against the rainbow community at all, but information like that makes my life living hell when I’m dealing with this subtype. And saying maybe or maybe not is not helping my case at all 💔
@ocdsurviver I’m happy to help! I have faith in you! Look my philosophy with that is kids do all kinds of things and grow up to be completely different people. Embrace the moment now because that’s who you are. I’ve been around gay people being a former actress my entire life and never once questioned myself. I trust the person I am now. I could have all kinds of “evidence” but at the end of the day everyone has different experiences. Some have struggled with this theme a lot longer than I have. I don’t have anything against my friends and who they want to love but I also know who I want to love. Give yourself time and know that this is a part of the journey and you are going to have days where the feelings and the doubts are overwhelming. And that’s okay.
Going through ERP and recovery is painful but what feels even worse is being stuck in the horrible OCD cycle. “Choose your hard,” they say 💪 You got this 🫶 Response prevention is key
Who were u?
@lemart Huh?
Indifference. Work at being indifferent to the thought, etc., and it should dissipate. My therapist taught me that it's not the content, but how we react to it, that matters.
so right now my HOCD feels EXTREMELY LOUD AND STRONG, ive been trying nonstop today stating how im allowing to feel all the thoughts and feelings and let them be here for as long as they want and not figure it out, engage with it, just allowing it to be here all day long if it wants, and it has, but the EXTREME hyperfocus is there and it feels so real and feels so loud and strong that im focusing on it and trying to move on to others but cant. Ive been trying say only once that"Its just my OCD, these thoguths feelings, sensations and doubts are not me, im going to allow it to stay here as long as it can" but that doesnt work, its like as if im full of shit and i know it. ive been trying to just saying"oh well" or "cool" not caring, but im still hyperfocus on it, wtf?
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
Hey everyone, just wanted to post an honest update on where I’m at in my HOCD recovery. Right now, I'm stuck in what feels like a 24/7 spike — nonstop thoughts, intrusive sensations, identity doubts, and hyperfocus. The worst part? It feels real. Like I’ve “lost,” like I’ve accepted it, like I am gay. The thoughts don't feel like anxiety anymore — they feel like truth. I’ve been trying to do ERP, but the spike has been so constant I don’t even have to “do exposures” — the thoughts, feelings, and sensations are just there all day long. It’s like living inside an exposure. And it’s exhausting. BUT — here’s what I’ve been doing (and what I’m sticking to now): I say once: “These thoughts and feelings are welcome to stay for as long as they want.” I let the doubt, the feelings, the hyperfocus exist. I don’t check, test, or analyze — even when it screams at me. I live my life anyway — folding clothes, watching TV, eating, walking — with the storm in my head. Even when it feels 100% real. Even when I’m fully focused on it. I’ve stopped trying to feel better. I’m letting it all burn — and just not fixing it. It doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel like progress.
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