I. Was so afraid to have sex with my husband. This is making me so afraid that im gay. I feel sexual attraction to men. I don’t know what’s going on. Has this happened to anyone?
Yes, this has happened to me and my girlfriend. Remember that OCD attacks the things you care about most. Obviously you care about your husband and OCD is pouncing on that relationship by tormenting you. From experience, this fear will subside if you don’t allow it to grow. It’s easier said than done, please talk with professional, however just know that it’s okay and you’re not your thoughts.
@Motionless You’re right. Thank you for helping me not feel alone
Yes, I relate so much, but for me it’s more POCD than “am I gay?” I’ve definitely had moments where I was scared to have sex with my boyfriend because of intrusive thoughts like, “what if I imagine him not being an adult?” or “what if I’m just faking being attracted to him?” It gets even more confusing because my ROCD also kicks in, and suddenly everything feels like one big anxiety spiral. I know the content of the thoughts might look different, but I feel like they come from the same fear, this terrifying “what if I’m secretly someone I don’t want to be?” And what makes it worse is that sex is so vulnerable for people like us. You’re letting your guard down, being super present, and OCD hates that. So it throws every disturbing or doubt-filled thought it can at you right in that moment. And honestly? You might be scared just because you’re anticipating that OCD is going to strike. Like… having sex with your husband is literally the straightest thing you could do lol, and because OCD is all about uncertainty and doubt, it targets that even harder. It’s like “wait, you’re doing something that should feel safe and aligned? Let me mess that up real quick.” You’re not alone in this. These thoughts feel so real, but they’re not a reflection of who you are, they’re just OCD doing what it does. Be gentle with yourself, sending so much love your way 🤍🫂
I’m curious behind why you’re afraid. For me I’m super scared to have sex with my boyfriend because of the pain but more so due to religious ocd and the fact that we aren’t married. I think figuring out why you’re scared to have sex will help you feel better about the situation
@cmax20 I have hocd… I have no idea why.
@Loveconquersall1 I don’t think there’s ever exactly an answer as to why we have ocd. But I do know that there’s a way to come out on the other side, at least I would hope
@Loveconquersall1 Sometimes there just is no reason. Sometimes things happen for no reason. Even if there was, it could be so deep and complicated of a reason, one that developed over years and years of thousands of little experiences that trying to figure it out would be pointless because at the end of the day the WHOLE THING is meaningless (the OCD).
Same /: it’s making me feel like im attracted to girls but i never felt this way before in my life. And it’s also mixing with tocd which absolutely sucks.
I don’t know if it’s SOOCD. I no longer feel anxious in the moment when I think about women, and it’s like my imagination wants me to think about it and get aroused. I don’t want to be gay, but maybe I am after all. In my life I haven’t been so sexually driven before (when I was living with a man, or when being single) but now all I can think about is having sex with a woman. I don’t want to, but somehow my body does and it feels like my mind have changed to accept it to.. feel so sad This all started around 4 weeks ago..
Hi everyone, I’ve been really anxious lately, and I just need to get this out of my head. Someone recently told me that maybe I’m bisexual — that I might be more sexually attracted to women, but more romantically attracted to men. That bisexuality is not 50/50. And ever since I heard that, I’ve been spiraling. The thing is: I don’t want this to be true. It scares me. I don’t feel romantic attraction to women, I’ve never wanted to be in a relationship with one. But yes, I get aroused by fantasies involving women — and that makes me feel broken or like I’ve been lying to myself. I love my boyfriend deeply, I don’t want to lose him. I want to feel fully connected to him, physically and emotionally. But now I’m stuck in this obsessive loop of questioning: “What if I’m just in denial?” “What if I’m not really straight?” “What if this is why my libido is low?” It’s exhausting, and I don’t know if this is OCD, anxiety, or if something is fundamentally wrong. Has anyone else felt this split — romantic feelings for one gender, sexual feelings for another? I feel so alone and scared. Thanks for listening.
Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
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