I hate how ocd targets everything I love to do. Walking, excercising, gym… I used to love those things. It was my therapy. It were the things I could escape my thinking. Now those are the things i get stuck in my head. Why? It makes me sad. Sorry not so positive today.
That's normal. Don't let OCD take those things away from you. Now your therapy is going to include ERP so that you can work on getting everything you love back in your life.
@Tea and Honey Had not looked at it that way. I felt like I still should keep doing the things, but dissapointed when I did not ‘enjoy’ myself. But seeing it as erp is a way to be proud again I still did it. Thank you ♡
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@yoooff I hope so. It’s hard to accept everything today. Thank you 🙏🏼
Going through same thing gym is everything I keep having thoughts I don't belong and don't deserve to do what I love
@Ragnarking18 I’m sorry you go trough it aswell
Don’t apologize. I’m glad you’re on here “ranting” (I would personally call it venting). Being sad is completely valid
@My OCD Academia Thanks ♡ how are you? Are you recovered?
@baukje Recovered, no. I’m a lot better than before. I don’t spiral as much, although right now with POCD really makes my chest tighten
@My OCD Academia Thank you for opening up. Glad to hear you are a lot better! Yes I understand, it’s hard. 😔
OCD targets things we care about. It typically goes after our values. I'm not surprised it would go after something you care about like a hobby.
@HopeForToday Hate it 🙁
@baukje Just keep going. Do NOT let OCD stop you from the things you love. I know that is NOT easy, but in order to move past this, you have to keep living the life you want no matter what OCD says.
Agreed, 100%. For me it was driving. I used to love going for long drives with no destination. Now it’s the source of my OCD lol. Can’t help but laugh about it. If you don’t mind me asking, what about exercise triggers your ocd?
@OCDxJosh Yeah, I have the same thing when driving too. Basically with everything that doesn’t really require much mental effort. Or at least the things I label as not mentally challenging. Grocery shopping, showering, going to the toilet — all those are moments where I end up ‘in my head’ again. I just really want to think normally, and that makes me focus on my thoughts even more. That’s the trigger. The trigger is that I just desperately want to do normal things with a normal train of thought.
@baukje Oh wouldn’t that be nice. OCD really does suck. It’s okay to admit that and sit with that feeling. I probably tell myself that at-least 2 or 3 times daily lol. I think sometimes social media/phones/TV/etc… have really contributed to the amount of OCD we experience. They make it so we are always stimulated.. so when our minds finally have that moment to kind of “shut off” or work on “low power mode”, our subconscious tries to catch up by flooding out those intrusive thoughts all at once. This is where meditation can be super beneficial/an ERP technique. I have a few to share if you’re open to that sort of thing! :)
@OCDxJosh Yes please tell me everything haha 🤗
@baukje Gosh where do I start hahah I’ve had so many tools thrown at me over the years. The biggest one I flock to is called “leaves on a stream”. It provides comfort without caving into the compulsions for reassurance. It’s a nice balance in the OCD world for me. 4-7-8 breathing, journaling (reasonable journaling), and body scanning are really helpful. If you want to connect I’d be happy to share more!
@OCDxJosh I’ve been doing the Leaves on a stream too. ☺️ I would love to. I saw an @ in your bio. Is that Instagram?
@baukje I’m so glad I’m not the only one haha. And yes, it is :)
venting cause im tired of this: sorry for yelling it’s for emphasis, HAVE ANY OF MY FREAKOUTS CAUSED BY OCD ACTUALLY HELPED ME?? PROBABLY NOT? (no seriously they havnt this is exposure therapy now I ain’t reassuring myself) HAVE THEY MADE ME SLEEP DEPRIVED? YES HAVE THEY MADE MY HANDS CRACK AND BLEED FOR YEARS? YES (ouch currently can’t even move my hands without them cracking open) HAVE THEY MADE ME TAKE WAY TO MANY SHOWERS TO THE POINT MY HAIR IS LIKE STRAW? YES HAVE THEY MADE ME LOST WITHIN MY SELF AND RUIN RELATIONSHIPS? YES :( HAVE THEY MADE ME AVOID AREAS OF MY NICE HOME? YES (double sucks cause i only moved late last year) legit in the last couple of months i thought i had could have tetanus, insecticide poisoning, mould in my hair and bed, that somehow bleach and alcohol or ammonia got mixed and i made a toxic gas (I don’t even own bleach etc) thrown out towels and clothes and so so much more. just wtf is ocd, why? Why does it do this?? Surely people without ocd are just wondering what they’ll have for lunch or something?? NOT OMG ITS GOT MOULD ITS SPREAD EVERYWHERE. I’m so tired, just want to live life without being terrified all the time. Please join in with what you’re over with when it comes to OCD, it’s good to vent sometimes.
The things that used to make me happy? The things that used to make me sad? I don't know how to connect with those anymore. I used to be happy just looking at the sunset and nature, I loved being present in the moment but now being present in the moment is scary because now I'm faced with my thoughts and new potential ones so I'd rather distract myself. I love kballads and I used to listen to them and just cry and be happy because they sound so beautiful but now I can't embrace these things that feel like beauty because I feel like the exact opposite. The only things I can enjoy are K-drama's! But I can't watch things with kids in it. So yah that's tricky! And the things that make me sad?! Well I used to be sad and terrified about loosing my loved ones but now it's a different kind of sad. I used to be sad because of miss them and all that but now I'm scared of facing now messed up my emotions have become. I'm scared of loosing someone I love and then not being able to feel sad because I'm just numb, or even worse...if it becomes something I'm okay with or what if OCD convinces me that I'm happy about it because honestly it would be weird moving around the world with such emotions. So not only has OCD made it hard for me to enjoy the good things but also hard for me to feel sad about the sad things or just to put it short...to experience emotions normally.
I have no idea to what extent the new medication I am on is affecting me positively or negatively. The past two days and Monday have been awful. I feel close to walking around in a daze in the mornings. For whatever reason Tuesday was actually like a 3 on a 5 star scale whereas average had been below 2.5. I know the OCD is pissed off but it’s so bad and interfering with my life so much. It just hammers at me basically nonstop. I know I can watch YouTube and read books/comics and sometimes play with Legos but exercise, video games, consistency, feeling like I have a choice when I want to do these things is so difficult. I’m starting to lash out with anger at things and am going back down the path of self harm and suicidal thoughts. I just despise all of these thoughts like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.
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