ERP Therapy

You might be going too fast if it’s causing you this much anxiety. ERP is usually done in a therapy setting with a specialist and you start really small and easy before working up to your big fears. If you just jump in the deep end it might be way too much, like you’re experiencing. ERP does work even though it seems like it would do the opposite. It is very hard and anxiety inducing even when you’re doing it right. I would definitely recommend doing it with a professional rather than trying it on your own.

i understand where you're coming from. it was very very hard for me to sit in that doubt, still is, but now i trust myself more than i did when i first started ERP. it's extremely hard to have a terrible intrusive thought, and then be like "well maybe i will do this terrible thing or maybe i won't do this terrible thing, but right in this present moment i choose not to do it." bc that's why ocd is so scary right? you don't want to actually do the horrific stuff that pops into your mind, that's why it's so upsetting. your intrusive thoughts go against your values. over this past year i have accepted that my intrusive thoughts don't make me a bad person. i used to feel like they make me a monster and that if anyone knew the things i was thinking they would hate me and think i'm disgusting and not a "good" person i'm not saying this next bit to reassure you, this is just what i've noticed since going on this journey to live in harmony with my ocd. ppl who actually want to harm others don't worry whether they are a good person or not, they just act on there thoughts bc they want to. it sounds like you don't want to and even the thought that you may eventually maybe in one circumstance someday with the right environment you might slip up for a millisecond and stab your dog or something else terrible, but you aren't gonna do it right at that moment. try and stay in the present and practice mindfulness. knowing your mind will help you distinguish between your thoughts and the intrusive thoughts hope this helps!

Mental compulsions can hide OCD - the need for proof, certainty, logic, mental reviewing. The goal is to build tolerance to not having 100% certainty and sometimes we have to take smaller steps to get to that tolerance. Maybe, maybe not can be a goal. Tolerance would be the big step to get to finally tolerating that anything is possible and anything is impossible.

I think the maybe makes it less important. So then your rationality can come into play next. And you’ll get that moment when it all becomes clear. At least that’s kinda what I’ve been experiencing. It’s definitely not easy.

I've been looking into I-CBT instead because I'm the same way really depressed and traumatized by my thoughts already that I can't just brush them off. They leave me paralyzed.