Trigger Warning: Harm OCD

Been struggling with Harm OCD for about 20+ years. Since working with NOCD I've been WAY better than I've ever been from exposure, not avoiding, not doing compulsions, etc. Randomly had a "flare up" of the old thought about 🤯🔫☠️ to myself even though I dont want to. Soooo... in the spirit of the very scary things that help OCD (at first scary, then less...), I decided to sit here like this while watching TV. Whatever "crazy" thought comes into my head, I just say "okay, sure. I could totally do that. Seems like it would be super easy, at least logistically.) Definitely uncomfortable and scary, but my point here is that's the "cure." I NEVER thought I'd be able to overcome this disorder. Again, been dealing with it for probably pushing 30 years. Cliff notes: DON'T avoid. DON'T try to figure it out. Whatever your theme or fear is, confront it and be okay that it's a possibility, but you know rationally that it's not real.

No surrender

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11w

What were you watching?

Dan Frijoles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11w

😅 I love the question. I was just watching music videos on YouTube lol

Date posted: 11w

Wow! Good for you. I have had that same exact theme and image pop in my head so many times throughout my life. For years, my brother, who is in the service, has been wanting to take me to the shooting range with him, but I have been too afraid to go because of this. I haven’t told him why. But now that I am on my healing journey, I will share it with him next time and join him at the range.

Dan Frijoles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11w

Yeah... that's my next journey. I have a bud that always goes to the range and my therapist told me to go. I'm not avoiding, just figuring out scheduling because I'm very busy. Just do it. That's how you'll get over it. I'm so sick of feeling this way that I'm at the point we're I just want to embrace the thoughts and not have to have them control me.

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11w

Hell yeah! You're awesome. This is one of the most badass exposures I've seen lol

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11w

Btw idk you but I'm still proud of you Dan because you are super brave for doing such a scary exposure. Most ppl couldn't imagine doing this while having such terrifying thoughts like that

Dan Frijoles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11w

@OneDayAtATimee Thank you! To be honest, I never really saw myself being okay with not avoiding either. It's been decades living with this and I'm just at an "eff it" point. I'm not going go let this disorder control me anymore. Relaxing and watching TV right now with wife now. Can easily grab it and shoot myself or anyone else. Very scared of that possibility (obviously), but hey... anything is possible and I need to be okay with that. 🤷‍♂️ I also have a weird thing with knives, so I was holding a knife at the same time. (Trigger warning) I held it near my eye and told myself it would be easy to just shove it in there. I got to a point where I honestly didn't give a 💩 and now I'm smooth sailing. I've learned that the more you confront these "scary" thoughts, the less they come. After a few days of torment, I'm feeling great. Definitely a paradoxical disorder, but I think deep down any sufferer somewhat knows that. They just need to dive in and face their fears.

NickT243

Date posted: 11w

This is crazy to see, I have carried every day since turning 18 & owned pew pews since 15, now after my girlfriends brother tragically taking his life my OCD brain has attached to the possibility of that & how easy it is and hasn’t let go of it for about 3 months. Every single day is relentless thoughts of the topic to the point where I’ve started questioning if I lm going crazy or if the world is even real… I suppose I need to expose myself and deal with the extreme uncomfort to get over it🤷🏼‍♀️

Dan Frijoles

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11w

Yeah. That's pretty much it. Exposure is the way to feel better. I had a few bad days so I forced myself to sit there for hours and feel uncomfortable. Very sorry to hear about your girlfriend's brother. 😪

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond