- Date posted
- 17w
Bpd
Can someone with bpd tell me how it feel like I think I might have that and I m trying to to get the right treatment if I do
Can someone with bpd tell me how it feel like I think I might have that and I m trying to to get the right treatment if I do
It’s different for everyone. And OCD and BPD have crossovers. But basically it’s extreme fearful avoidant attachment, sprinkled with psychosis, sprinkled with self harm/deep self loathing/ oscillating moods.. sometimes “borders” narcissism/ disassociative identity disorder. You are generously ruled by your ego parts and their whims. Harder to treat. Extreme black and white dualistic views or thoughts, always trying to convert the “self” to others, movements, different things sometimes rapidly.
@LiberaDancing I related to some symptoms but no others my symptoms are constantly negative thoughts about everything wave of sadness feeling feelings depressed and crying this feeling come together with the thoughts for example I get a thought that I m a bad mother I believe this thought and it make me cry and feel sad depressed if I don’t pay attention to the thought I m good but is super hard no to pay attention or to believe in it Sometimes I let the thoughts and emotions as sadness depress and anger pass but the cycle repeats through the day
@Monii This sounds like OCD causing distress and depression. BPD is pretty serious and hard to treat. It’s normal to feel like shit from Being mentally ill.
@LiberaDancing Yes could be OCD I just don’t know because when I get a worry thought I know is OCD anxiety but can the negative thoughts be also OCD for example when I get thought that my boyfriend is mad at me out of no where is this OCD or just negative mind I just thought I have bpd because my mood Change through the day and then I feel bad for being mean to people but what cause my mood to change is my negative thoughts that I get about everything never good thoughts
@Monii Right, anger and irritability and sadness can be a result of your CNS/ ans spirit being unwell. OCD and whatever other issues you are dealing with can cause mood swings. Borderline is very very different. How could you not be irritable or sad when your mind and heart feel damaged?
@LiberaDancing True Is impossible with OCD no to feel that way What’s CNS mean sorry I don’t know right now what making me depressed is how negative I m to myself and other and scared of if I can’t change this negativity I will Lose everything
I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. And I don’t think that’s borderline. Which is good, you don’t want it!
@LiberaDancing Yes I m trying my best to defeat this I m no on medicine And when I try to defeat the depression my OCd get worse and I relapse with OCD I m a super mean person but I don’t want to be which make me feel sad after
this is probably the most accurate way i can put into words my personal experience with bpd. more often than not, i exist in a state of emotional flatness—an affective baseline so muted it borders on dissociation. but in the rare instances when emotion does break through, it does so with such disproportionate intensity that it becomes all-consuming, leaving little room for measured response. my instinctive reaction to any form of psychological discomfort is immediate: a reflexive turn toward impulsive behaviors or fleeting sources of gratification that can, even momentarily, anesthetize the internal chaos. sustained emotional overstimulation often leads to the opposite extreme—an almost catatonic apathy, wherein the only viable coping strategy becomes complete emotional disengagement. the inevitable result is a persistent, gnawing void—a psychic hollowness that constantly demands to be filled with either significance or sedation. this dysregulation of affect, compounded by behavioral impulsivity, produces a chronic instability in self-concept. my subjectivity lacks continuity; who i am feels contingent upon the day, the hour, the context. my identity is less a cohesive structure and more a loose constellation of fragmented selves, each emerging in response to internal or external stimuli. in social dynamics, i frequently rely on deception—not necessarily with malicious intent, but as a form of self-preservation. i construct and inhabit fabricated identities, often so convincingly that i begin to internalize the fictions myself. vulnerability feels not only dangerous but untenable, due to long-standing trust deficits and a deeply embedded fear of abandonment, both of which are likely traceable to formative relational disruptions. i’m drawn, almost magnetically, to self-destructive tendencies. i dismantle my own stability—sabotage relationships, derail progress, reject affection—not out of spite, but because the emptiness within me insists i’m undeserving of anything more enduring. substance use has functioned as an expedient, if unsustainable, means of muting this internal dissonance. while i might appear composed, even rational, in moments of crisis, there’s an ever-present awareness that i’m not in control of my own decision-making. emotion doesn’t feel like a conscious influence; it feels like instinct—primal, immediate, inescapable. when distress arises—particularly the kind tied to perceived rejection or abandonment—it eclipses everything else. the need to extinguish that feeling overrides all other considerations. borderline personality disorder is insidious in its onset. you rarely identify it in real time. instead, you recognize it retroactively—when relationships are fractured, opportunities lost, and the damage already done. it announces itself through aftermath.
@beloiter I m sorry you have to go through that I hope it get better
@Monii was it of any assistance
@beloiter Yes sure it was
@Monii what is your consensus
@beloiter I relate to some of things you listed it but like 2 of them I don’t know if I have bpd or no ugh I will just tell you a day on my life lol I woke up with bad anxious thoughts and anxiety this thoughts are about my health scanning my heart and getting all anxiety symptoms then I also get negative depressed thoughts they make me feel sad and anxious at the sad time I cry though the day . this is a example early I feel sad then I get thoughts why I m sad why this feeling keep coming back I m tired of this then I get anxious I cry I feel sad mad but when all this thoughts passed I feel “normal “ again I can concentrate and have my mind clear And be normal person but then the cycle repeats is like a storm of negative thoughts depression anxious thoughts and crying after they passed I feel normal again so through the day I m up and down this why I thought is bpd I know is no bipolar I checked all the symptoms for that type 1 or 2
@Monii my guess? ocd, panic disorder, with slight bpd traits
@beloiter Yea could be but I was on my period that time it was way worse now I m no getting them as bad i can like work on it it could also be the depression OCD make me depressed I guess dealing with OCD and depression since a very early age gave me bpd traits
Can anyone who is diagnosed with both OCD and BPD tell me a bit more about their experiences, especially when it comes to friendship and relationships?
Hello all, I don’t have insurance at the moment (lost eligibility due to me making more money, but not enough to afford medication and visits) and have been struggling a LOT. When I was going to therapy, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 Disorder. I never got to expand on other mental health concerns I had and it bothers me that I can’t receive the proper advice that I need. If this is not allowed, I completely understand (and you may delete) but I figured I’d give this app a shot to get some clarification and knowledge on the topic. I experience MANY intrusive thoughts that destabilize my relationships and daily mood. I always pitched it to be my B2D symptoms, but the more I read into OCD or rather, Relationship OCD, I feel connected to others’ experiences. My boyfriend has been cheated on in the past—to such a bad degree, that it can be hard for him to trust me. I have never been cheated on nor have I ever thought cheating was okay, but I experience nearly daily intrusive thoughts that I am a horrible partner. Even worse yet, the intrusive thoughts often include overanalyzing my body language and making myself believe that I am somehow presenting myself in a way that would make men “like” me and therefore convincing my boyfriend that I am or will cheat on him if given the chance. It gets so bad that when my boyfriend questions an interaction I have with a dude, I freeze and become so panicked that I feel as though I am “giving away” that I did something wrong—even though I didn’t do anything at all. I am fiercely loyal to people in my life and could never imagine hurting anyone, so the very thought that I could “potentially” do this gnaws away at my social comfortability and self-confidence. I always feel as though I’m a horrible person and I am constantly trying to “make up” for something I didn’t even do. I’ll cry myself to sleep ruminating on every detail of the moment I had these thoughts or when I spoke to my boyfriend about it. It just haunts my thoughts honestly and makes socializing impossible nearly all the time. Eye contact has been a huge problem for me lately even—as if eye contact seals the deal on me being an “unfaithful” partner. Or laughing! Because if I show any sort of interest in the conversation—no matter how respectful and short it is—I believe it’ll spiral into my boyfriend leaving me (which is completely ridiculous and not true!) It’s almost like imposter syndrome in a way—because I feel as though no amount of reassurance or truth that I am a kind, loyal girlfriend, I will eventually ruin it anyway so I don’t deserve respect or affirmations. And it’s not even just with my boyfriend. Friends I have lost in the past clutter my mind as well. I have constant guilt and regret over potentially being a horrible friend despite how hard I fought/fight to keep that person in my life. Honestly, it gets to a point now where I’m convinced I will mess up any form of relationship I have eventually so I suppress my feelings or thoughts that could potentially upset people or make them question if I am really valuable in their life (often I can feel detached from people while being physically present with them because I get so lost in my head about what-ifs or where to look or if I’m causing someone to feel uncomfortable or that what they are or I’m saying isn’t satisfying the “ideal” friendship) . I let people walk all over me, deal with uncomfortable settings to avoid conflict and struggle to assert myself or have any sense of who I truly am with other people. It has put such a strain on me and my relationships, especially my best friend and my boyfriend and I’s relationships—which hold highest priority in my life at the moment. It can be hard to “let go” of people because it’s just another person who I have failed—including my own family members whom have definitely given reason for me to be not close with them. I also struggle with perfectionism and order during “stressful” situations, to the point where I will put myself into an anxiety episode over the simplest changes, unexpected accidents or things not going to plan. Again, this could very well be a symptom of Bipolar, but it truly causes me to blow situations WAY out of proportion and convince myself that I will never resolve it or make things better unless I can set it exactly how it was supposed to be in my head. The executive dysfunction is real on that one…To some, it could be procrastination. Or even just my cycles rapidly changing. But it affects my outlook on most things—financial matters, relationships, responsibilities, hygiene, cleaning. I can go from having complete confidence in doing something, to being doubtful that I could even get myself to get out of bed because I know I won’t do what I need/want to do. Sometimes I’ll even elaborately plan a course of action the day before and then when the time comes to do it, I lose control of my will to do it due to my intrusive thoughts. I do NOT expect anyone to “diagnose” me and I’m not sway the audience into agreeing with me in any way. I truly only want to hear your experiences, and if you also struggle to differentiate if you’ve been properly diagnosed or have overlapping symptoms that you can relate in some way. I want to better understand OCD and possibly connect with people who have had the same experiences. I appreciate any feedback—as long as it’s beneficial to this discussion and helping anyone else who struggle with the same thoughts—or even struggling to identify yourself or afford treatment! I just am curious, and honestly needed to have a platform to express some deep stuff I haven’t really discussed with anyone else besides my boyfriend. Thank yall for reading/listening regardless!
Hey, so idk if I have ocd, I would like to think I’m a very self aware person but I don’t wanna self diagnose at all, lmk what you guys think. So pretty much my whole life since I was young I remember having irrational fears im sure it was all trauma induced but when I was a kid I thought my father was poisoning me until I asked him, he started crying and was so shocked that I could ever even think that, my parents broke up when I was legit fresh out the womb, mom worked two jobs and disciplined me, dad let me do whatever on the weekends and got me snacks so I was obsessed with him so obsessed that it was mandatory for me to kiss his picture 20x everyday before school. Growing up I always felt followed by cameras or like someone out there was recording me waiting for me to do something embarrassing to expose me in front of the whole world and my life was over 🤣🤣 I thought my abusive ex bf was stalking me through my I phone camera after we broke up and it would truly stress me out, it made me believe that it was the reason he never reached out again bc I probably looked ugly in the camera he was stalking me through. If I fall out with a friend Ill over analyze everything to see if I did anything wrong and god forbid while I’m self reflecting I realize I did something wrong I feel like an evil person, verbatim the people I fall out with is bc they’ve done me wrong in some way and it has to b something hurtful or repeated mistakes for me to really stay away for good, so I’ll beat myself up for making mistakes with another person who’s made the same amount of mistakes if not more and in most cases I always fall short, and this when I question if it’s ocd or I’m just to self aware and see the ugly in me bc I’m not perfect and it’s just makes me feel so unsettled but again that’s a normal feeling and the next step is to forgive yourself and do better moving forward, not obsess over it like your trying to convince yourself you’re a good person. I’m also hot tempered and will say hurtful things when I’m mad I’m definitely a crash out in the way, you push my bottoms way too many times and I will shred you, and I’ll say things ik will hurt you and that’s just so low, then the anger goes away and I have to face the guilt, which makes my “ocd” 100x worse, it almost feels like I have to do everything right to not trigger it yet again I don’t have the self control to do it all right, I actually have a lot bpd tendencies again not diagnosing but I’m just trying to understand my brain. I worry about dying, getting a terminal illness. uti turning into kidney infection then into cancer kind of thing, knowing that life in general can b tragic is so scary to me, like what will be my story? What will be my life experience?. I believe that people see right through me and discuss it amongst each other, I always tell myself I am not that important but I can’t seem to shake it off sometimes. When I would break up with my ex I would have pre written paragraphs ready to b send if he ever decided to reach back and I would do this to make sure I didn’t forget a single thought, that every point i felt I need to prove was there, and that bothers me bc do I want win an argument or fix the issue. All of these feelings make me feel so pathetic and embarrassed people move on with their lives and I’m still stuck on something that happened 3 yrs ago. Then I’ll get manic get a tattoo, change my hair, go out clubbing do what I can to b the sexy young girl that I am and it helps in the moment but it worsens my mental after the euphoria is gone. I’m currently staying home, not going out, have only 1 friend so I feel like ocd progressively got worse now, I don’t remember it getting this bad in a while. lmk what you guys think don’t judge or think I’m embarrassing I’m actually so cool and if have to convince you I’m cool I will LMFAOO no but fr help
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