Stopping telling my friends things

There’s this guy I just worked with who honestly felt like another version of me, someone who I could get along with massively. Everything we’d talk about was the same, our interest, our taste in films and music, it felt amazing to have someone to chat to. I can’t lie he was also physically very much my type, so I do fancy him. I said to my friend that I think I found the love of my life, but the sad thing is he’s taken so I’ll take having a crush dip and suppress the fact I fancy him and she went all serious with me. Started saying “good because that can ruin a friendship, especially with a girlfriend”, and it wasn’t meant to be so deep and now it’s got me massively overthinking. I’ve only known him a very short time but I wanted a friendship to be there yk, we’ll never really see one another every again after the festival but it felt nice to have had such a good friendship, even if I feel like I’m another life he would be the perfect one. Can I not feel like that and still have a friendship? I’m never gonna do anything about it, I currently like someone else and he also has a gf, but can I not joke about it without it being all serious? I’m massively overthinking it

Anonymous

Date posted: 10w

Hi stuckonathought, I think your friend had good intention yet was still uncalled for. I see that they were a bit aggressive on the approach to persuade rather than share a word of caution that most likely stem from their own experience of being the perpetrator, victim, or bystander of a downfall of such sad stories. OCD makes it hard to see things to take a grain of salt of others reactions and feedback including the lack of reactions or feedback. We want things to be good and ourselves be good, yet others playbook and horror stories aren't ours that's why is so hard to distinguish which are relevant common sense or advice as it's a prediction rather than warranted advice you asked. So it's okay to be friends and see your own true character for yourself as all have the power to choose to stop going further if things are crossing boundaries yet no control over emotions that may arise. More stories are commonly shared about emotions taking charge instead of making good choices so that's why many are on edge about themselves and others these days. Rare to hear and remember about wholesome stories than possible bad outcomes with fear mongering. Being aware and not entertaining the idea by actions is generally enough for people to keep their distance. I've known people who shown high tension to confess and it still to this day has not happened no matter how much encouragement was done from many people from mutual friends. That's how much power we have over ourselves so it's totally doable for good reasons too.

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10w

Should be perfectly okay to be his friend as long as you won’t be flirting with him or trying to get his attention romantically 👍 Otherwise, nothing is happening. It’s normal to develop crushes on people. It’s just our actions that matter. If our actions feel like they are becoming too hard to control (aside from OCD “urges”), then it could be good to take a step back from the friendship. But that doesn’t sound like the case here. Sounds like you could be dealing with ROCD doubts and intrusive thoughts

stuckonathought

Date posted: 10w

@OneDayAtATimee My friend just made me feel really bad and guilty for liking him. It’s not like we’ve actually best friends, he’s going off into other directions and I am as well, once a year for a few weeks we’ll work together and that’s it, it’s friendly. When I said I met the love of my life to her i genuinely just meant that we get along so well it felt perfect, I wouldn’t actively put myself out there romantically knowing he’s in a relationship. It’s just an all in the mind kinda thing, but now I feel really guilty for thinking that we got along so well. I was really happy having this friendship and now I’m stressed out about it entirely

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10w

@stuckonathought Understandable! ❤️‍🩹 I would compare this to an intrusive thought. We often like to punish ourselves for what goes on in our minds. For example, a lot of people with harm Ocd label themselves as a horrible person because of their harm thoughts. Same with relationship Ocd. But that labeling is unfair. We cannot control our intrusive thoughts, feelings, or intrusive urges. All we can control is our actions. And it’s also the same with real life issues. You cannot control your thoughts or feelings and it’s not bad to feel a friendship connection or to have a crush anyways. But OCD definitely will make you feel this way, along with what your friend said. I’m guessing your friend doesn’t know what you’re going through OCD wise so I wouldn’t take her statement too personally, although I know that’s difficult

stuckonathought

Date posted: 10w

@OneDayAtATimee Thank you, I just feel like I should’ve never said anything. Now I feel like if I interacted with him I’m gonna be constantly judged. I can stop the feelings bubbling over, I shouldn’t feel guilty for even remotely having these feelings. Jusr because someone is in a relationship doesn’t mean I can’t think he’s a nice person and stuff, it just means I don’t step over boundaries which I haven’t and won’t do. We get along well and that’s okay. But now that I’ve said “I think I’ve met the love of my life” she’s gonna constantly think that if we’re being friendly it’s me flirting, when it’s not. Me flirting is completely different to me being friendly, and I know that. But now all I can think is I have to check and reassure and confess to her. I just want to be his friend, we have so much in common I thought that would be okay. Even if deeper down I have small feelings, I don’t wanna ruin anything so why would I? I can joke around. Just feel like it got taken seriously and now the guilt is overwhelming

doomed

Date posted: 23w

dealing with unhealthy obsessions

i recently about six days ago ? started talking with someone with the intention of being friends and we’d talk a couple of times a day every for the past six days. But i immediately grew incredibly attached and obsessed with them i have no idea why it’s been driving me crayz. it didn’t help when they teased (?) me i guess and said if my compliments or well praise to soemthing they had done was flirting. it hasn’t left my mind at all. i don’t know what to do or why i’m feeling like this. and the worst part is i can’t say anything to them because i’ll just look weird i bet. i can’t help it i think about them so much and i check their stuff a lot and my lockscreen so much to see if they’ve texted me… is there any way to help with this ? it’s been really draining and causing me to overthink really badly.

savannahframe19

Date posted: 17w

ugh help.

my ocd and anxiety has been so bad a couple of days… so i started liking this guy that i am friends with and we also went to prom together… after prom, i caught feelings for him even more because he’s so respectful and nice… but he is also a boy that acts like one… but overall he’s rlly sweet.. the other day though since we go to the same school we were in the parking lot after school with our friends just talking and socializing… but once he was leaving i went to go give him a hug and hugged me… my other guy friend was with us who’s also friends with him and hugged him too and whispered in his ear and said “yo u and sav would be a good couple” and he nodded saying “yes” (my guy friend told me that) so eventually i told him saying “yeah i like him” blah blah but there is a problem that bothers me so badly… my friend likes him… i didn’t tell her for a while until i think my OCD was just bothering me sm if i didn’t tell her so i told her how i felt and i was just saying like “i don’t want this to ruin our friendship or anything but i have feelings for him…” yada yada… she was like “i understand but if i’m honest with u if u ask him out i will be upset” i’m just like i wasn’t planning to rlly i can’t tell if he rlly likes me anyways but i didn’t say that… i said “i’m just telling u how i feel” and she goes “i mean i would see u guys anyways because u guys are closer” then she says “can i ask u something and a non rude way” and i was like sure…. she goes “since i’m the first person that liked him can i give it a try if it doesn’t work that’s that” and i was like girl idk it’s Gods plan if it doesn’t work it doesn’t if it does it does” and i’m saying that in the most mature and respectful way yk? because i am christian i’ve been praying about it also. so we were good after that but my anxiety and OCD has been so horrible… i’m uncomfortable around them because she flirts with him but i don’t and she did it on ft when i fell asleep on ft and my best friend was on there and had to hear it….she told me that he does it back she just can’t tell if he’s joking or not… but i’m so overwhelmed about it i’m having thoughts like “what if u and him stop being friends” … “what if something bad happens” …. “what if ur not confident in yourself enough where he won’t like you” …. “what if this is a love triangle” i’m just so sick of this and i don’t wanna be so distraught over a stupid boy because i’ve been through sm with my past talking stage thinking it will work but now im like rlly cauious over being in a relationship now…

BigGyro09

Date posted: 7w

This is confusing 18+ only

So I know for a fact that I'm not ready for relationships. It's just not something I feel like I can do due to insecurities, self confidence, anxiety, and self esteem getting in the way of that. It's something that's always on my mind due to fomo and societal norms. I know I would like one but I haven't found any other reasons beyond the biological want. There's a woman that I really do like spending time with and I kept thinking of trying to chat with her more just as a friend to hang out and just get to know her more. Everytime I've seen her it's been a great time and we get along really well. We click on a lot of things and have big interests in common. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of her as a romantic partner but I just know that's not something I can do. Is it disingenuous to try and be friends with her despite having this on my mind time and time again? This is the one thing I could never find myself getting over.

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Stopping telling my friends things

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