I Need Help

@blues1507 Hi, thank you for the reply. Sadly, I called my sister to ask if I had to take care of what I was dealing with in my mind essentially seeking reassurance of course I still don’t feel better. I don’t know if I was just having a hard time so now it feels like the show is tainted in a way maybe I can try watching something else and I’ll drink some lemon balm before going to bed. Thank you.

@blues1507 I also have this weird thought in my head that I have to continuously be doing ERP not realizing that sometimes you have to take a break.

@hestia Probably an all or nothing so pattern thank you sorry I know I’ve been replying over and over

@Steven55! Thank you for the reply. I think what’s so discouraging is that I’ve been doing NOCD for three years now, but since I haven’t been consistent, I feel like I’ve made it worse or I’m just never gonna make progress because the way my mind feels. I’m trying to do my homework daily now and I’ve been doing that for about a month. It’s just been so brutal.

@hestia Your body literally can't have this feeling of anxiety forever. It can physically only keep producing the hormones for so long. I had this same fear when I started ERP, and this is what my psychiatrist told me (she was right). However, exposures should be creating a *manageable* level of anxiety. If your anxiety are too high to realistically sit with the anxiety without doing compulsions or doing a panic attack, you aren't ready for this particular exposure yet.

@sophea I see what you’re saying thank you for responding. My therapist told me to try to do more lighthearted exposures, but honestly with what I deal with with obsessions I don’t know if that’s even possible.

@hestia I can give suggestions if you give a quick explanation of your themes ? I was in an OCD treatment facility for three months, so I've seen how exposures work for all kinds of different people with OCD.

@sophea Thank you for your help. I may have to ask my therapist in more detail what she means by lighthearted exposures. I appreciate you trying to help though.

@hestia For sure! I'm sure she knows more than me in this matter haha

@sophea Sorry, I hope that doesn’t seem like I’m being rude or anything lol.

@hestia not all all dw

@berinthoughts Thank you for the reply. Sorry for some reason right now in my brain I’m interpreting the first half of your reply to mean that because ERP is not working for me. My fears must be true. I hope that doesn’t come off as accusatory or anything just having a really hard time.

@hestia It’s not accusatory at all! ERP is one of the most common ways to treat OCD but it is not the only way. There are other methods that you could potentially try if you feel like ERP is not working well for you. Your therapist is an expert and can help you find what will work best for you based on your personal experiences and goals. OCD treatment can be very confusing and overwhelming so having someone like a therapist who can help guide you in the right direction is so incredibly helpful. I would try not to completely rule out ERP all together until you get the chance to have a conversation with your therapist because it might end up being a good fit! I hope stuff gets easier for you soon!

@Tea and Honey Thank you 🙏 it varies but I only feel comfortable sharing with my therapist. Thank you for understanding 💚 I’m picking my skin like crazy now as a backwards soothing response. I just need to start getting ready for bed I think.

@hestia I totally understand. No worries at all. Have a good sleep, my friend. Praying for you 💙

@Tea and Honey Thank you. Prayers are appreciated 💚

@OneDayAtATimee I heard about Tracie I believe at the support group this evening. I think I need to check her page out. Honestly that’s what’s horrifying. My therapist says because I am entrenched in my daily life with my theme/s it feels very real. I know everyone’s ocd feels very real, but just the mental review and what ifs get to me. Sorry, to answer your question, I’ve been in therapy for three ish years but I haven’t done my homework consistently. I’ve been with my current therapist for two years. For the last month I’ve been trying to do my erp homework nearly every day and so I think that’s why it’s been feeling like absolute torture

@hestia - Oh that's awesome we might've been at the same group actually because a host mentioned her tonight in my group as well haha. Tracie has groups every Sunday and Tuesday at 7pm EST about sexual & taboo themes (except this Tuesday is canceled). It makes a lot of sense that your Ocd levels are still high if you've been doing ERP on and off, even over years. You have resist compulsions consistently or else ERP won't work. I'd compare it to a fitness lifestyle. If you workout for 3 days and eat healthy but then you lay in bed and eat junk food for the next 3 days- you are confusing your body and it's not getting the maximum benefits. it's the same with your brain in terms of resisting compulsions one day and giving into compulsions the next. It makes a lot of sense that ERP can feel torturous at times. It shouldn’t always feel that way though. I find that what makes ERP feel harder is giving into compulsions and/or doing exposures that are too high at the start. It’s important to do exposures that are challenging, but ones that don’t feel unbearable. Start off easier 👍 But at the same time, also keep in mind that it is natural for ERP to feel terrible and worse before it gets better because your body isn't used to this new habit you're forming. I’ve cried a ton during my exposures. Resisting all compulsions is definitely going to feel dangerous (it’s not) and like a risk. Ocd is gonna freak out that you suddenly are trying to stop all compulsions. Ocd is like a screaming toddler that is trying to get your attention so you will give in. But that toddler will quiet down the more you ignore it and you will get relief over time :) Exposures also get easier over time. The biggest risk of all is continuing compulsions which will cause you to stay miserable and avoid things you care about in your life. That’s not fair to you. So try your hardest to stay consistent with ERP during this challenging time. Fight for your life back 🙏

@OneDayAtATimee - And eventually when your body gets used to this new habit of resisting- you'll start to find out that your old habit of giving into compulsions actually feels a wholeee lot worse than when you just resist them and focus on good distractions & mindfulness. You will notice how compulsing sends you into a spiral whereas resisting makes your days more peaceful. So you will feel more of a desire over time to resist compulsions, as your go-to behavior. It’s never too late to recover. There are people with OCD who don’t start ERP until their 70’s and they still have recovered at that age 👏 I’m confident that you can recover too if you stay consistent. Doesn’t matter either if your case seems severe- you def can do it :)

@OneDayAtATimee Thank you for the encouragement. The analogy of resisting and compulsions with exercising makes sense. Part of mine is tied to responsibility so I feel that if I don’t fix every single thing I’ll be giving into it, approving it or that means I am just as horrible as those things are. My therapist is aware of this as well, but it just feels so real in my head. I need to be strong.