Starting NOCD Therapy

I’m considering trying therapy through nocd. This is too heavy for me to try and hold in anymore. I had a really bad night last night. I don’t want to use my mom’s insurance so I’d be self pay. Has anyone tried and is it worth it in your opinion? I’m afraid this is starting to affect my relationship and even my job+ feels more debilitating than ever. I think it might be time I’m also so shy. I wish I could do text therapy rather than phone visit 😫 any advice? I’m sure it’s not as bad as I imagine it’ll be. If anything I’ll bet it’s nice and I won’t feel the need to hold back. I’m also not diagnosed yet, has anyone gotten a diagnosis from doing therapy this way?

I’m on track to getting my diagnosis and i’m already questioning it. Pocd feels so real, and even though i once saw someone say “it has to feel real or you wouldn’t worry” which is like god level reassurance honestly, it hurts. I can’t look at children, they deserve better. My usual attraction seems to be gone and i can not think about anything else. At the same time i don’t really feel anxiety. I’m scared i don’t feel bad enough, if i just smiled maybe i honestly wouldn’t feel bad? I don’t have many other ocd symptoms either, except for some stuff when i was a kid and like questioning everything about myself. I’m clinging to the hope that this is Pocd instead of me being a Monster and at the same time i’m so sad that i have to go trough this. I don’t like myself but i’m sorry for my younger self. I just want to be held and be told that everything will be okay but how can i know? Even then i feel like comfort of that kind only really applies to others who are struggling and aren’t horrible like me. In so many ways i sm convinced i am a monster even though it might be a bit irrational. Maybe i’m a monster after all and then i should really get away from everyone i love. They deserve better :( After a lifetime of struggles (nothing super serious) i’m just getting started with therapy and i’m so.. scared. What if it won’t help? What if it turns out i’m the bad person i fear to be. Is there any way i can prepare or some tips or literally anything else? I would appreciate any wise words

If so, can you tell me what the process was like? Did you have to request for a diagnostic assessment, or will they give you one if you don’t already have a diagnosis? And does it happen during that 1 hour appointment or what? Please tell me! Thank you.