wafflemonster

Date posted: 10w

Worst flare up

I got TMS almost a year ago and it helped so much. Now I am having one of the worst flare ups I have had in over a year. My themes keep changing, I am so exhausted. Its affecting my relationship because I am constantly on edge and my boyfriend is struggling to manage the whip lash. He thinks its his fault. I feel like I cannot trust my own thoughts but they feel so real, I am so lost. Has anyone had their OCD score drop and then rapidly peak? No one understands my heightened anxiety, and I’m just so tired 😔

Gmoki

Date posted: 10w

Hi! I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. You aren’t alone and you’re so strong❤️I totally understand the changing themes, it’s so incredibly difficult. No matter what, accepting your thoughts as possibilities and the uncertainty that comes with them is an important first step. Be proud of yourself for recognizing when you need help, and give yourself grace. If you need anyone to talk to, I am always here.

Gmoki

Date posted: 10w

@Gmoki Also, it’s imperative that you stay taking care of yourself. I know this advice is cliche, but eating 3 meals, drinking water, sleeping, showering, going outside are things that ocd can make to be overwhelming in the midst of an emotional time. I just thought I’d put that down as a gentle reminder :) I also know that when I’m closer to my cycle my anxiety heightens, then it’ll make my ocd flare. I’m not saying this is the root cause of your issue but I know that it can affect me and my anxiety sometimes and I forget that. Also, keep open communication with your boyfriend. I know how hard this time is for you, and I’m sorry:(. I relate so hard to it. Having loved ones learn about ocd can obviously help their understanding of you and your brain a lot, and maybe that’s what your boyfriend needs. I hope this helps, even a little ❤️

wafflemonster

Date posted: 10w

@Gmoki Literally stop you are so sweet. My OCD goes with my hormones too the sneaky mf. Its so hard living in fear when everyone else can just step out of it. Feels like tar

Gmoki

Date posted: 10w

@wafflemonster Girl seriously ofc this is the least I could do!! I relate so much and I feel this so hard. Ugh yes it makes me not want to leave my house, and most people don’t understand that struggle. The best thing is to try not to compare yourself to anyone else, it’s only you vs you. You got this :) like I said, if u need someone to vent/talk to i am here! Keep us updated

wafflemonster

Date posted: 10w

@Gmoki The biggest f u I feel rn, is that my anxiety dropped with all of your nice comments which makes me realize I compulsed or the reassurance that I’ll make it out was completed. What a horrible disorder 😭 you are wonderful, thank you for your encouragement. We all got this 😭❤️

Gmoki

Date posted: 10w

@wafflemonster Aww omg I get those compulsions too 😭so annoying. you’re wonderful too, and anytime ❤️

Anonymous

Date posted: 10w

Hey yes, I had TMS 6 months ago and was on a low dose of Effexor so the treatment helped for about 6months, but once I stopped the medication the symptoms came back full force. I was able to get referred back for TMS for another round. It’s not a permanent treatment and research says it lasts 6months to a year. Get referred back

wafflemonster

Date posted: 10w

@Anonymous I was so scared about that 😭 damn.

wafflemonster

Date posted: 10w

@Anonymous I can’t take meds, so the TMS was great. I think if my exposures don’t drop it, I may need to get seen again

OCDxJosh

Date posted: 10w

Do you mind explaining what TMS is?

wafflemonster

Date posted: 10w

@OCDxJosh Its transcranial magnetic stimulation. Often given to people with OCD not impacted by medication. I tried two meds and they did not work but TMS worked very well

OCDxJosh

Date posted: 10w

@wafflemonster Really? Okay that sounds familiar now. I was skeptical about it but will definitely keep an open mind about it. I hear it works for some and doesn’t for others. Happy to hear you got a positive outcome from it! :)

wafflemonster

Date posted: 10w

@OCDxJosh Oh absolutely. You need to do exposures while the transcranial magnetic stimulation is happening, it like heightens the effectiveness of the exposures and makes our neuropath ways grow faster. It was life changing for me.

OCDxJosh

Date posted: 10w

@wafflemonster Sheesh that sounds absolutely terrifying ngl lol but I will definitely keep that in mind. Thank you for sharing!! :)

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 24w

Flare Up ~ Vent

TW My brother came home 4 days ago (I think) from a hospital stay of just over 3 months. In the hospital, he attacked one of the staff and almost k*lled her, in his dysphoric mania. Now he's out of mania, but I'm scared that he'll harm or try to k*ll our pets and/or my mom and dad. Since he's been home, my OCD has flared up badly, and I've started to have panic attacks (leading to seizures and fainting), destroying my lips, and having overstimulation over every little physical sensation. My joint pain is becoming unbearable and the medications aren't working, I may have an autoimmune disorder that could destroy my organs (Lupus), I'm frustrated because walking feels like hell, I keep falling, I keep getting dizzy and seeing stars and I'm just so tired. I can't sleep since my brother came home. Yes, I close my door at night, but I'm still terrified that he will hurt my cat. I've started to hate anything that I've touched with my hands cuz I don't wanna get stuff on my face and I hate the feeling. Yesterday I kept obsessing over whether or not I was cheating, if any of my memories are real, obsessing over if everything is perfect or perfectly in place, and over everything my brother does. I've become paranoid over everything and I'm so tired. Thank you for listening.

Catlove9

Date posted: 23w

I need guidance or to feel like I am not alone

I was doing so much better with my OCD. I thought I finally figured it out. However, the last two weeks have been a nightmare. It’s like I went from 0-100 all over again. And it’s become scarier than it ever has been. Every other thought is either causing me anxiety or turning into an intrusive thought. Any headache or feeling of derealization, and I start to spiral. My thoughts are becoming more gruesome and feeling more real. The intrusive urges are so bad it feels like at any moment I could actually just snap. It feels like I am about to go crazy. Another hard aspect is when I’m getting these intrusive urges it feels like I want to do it or I don’t care if I do it. I don’t feel like myself. I feel like this disgusting monster who is just going to lose it and I want it to be over. Why is this happening when I was finally better? It makes me feel like it’s not OCD and I’m actually this person and I’m just holding my true self back. I’m sick to my stomach.

Secretidentity

Date posted: 18w

Please please send advice

I had to do a new exposure with my therapist two weeks ago involving my boyfriend where I had to share some of my intrusive thoughts and I know that it hurt him to hear some of them I could see it in his eyes and now I’m terrified he’s going to leave me my ocd isn’t the worst it’s ever been but it’s now the worst it’s been in a while and I’m back to doing one of the compulsions I had completely stopped and now idk what to do. I feel like I’m in this never ending cycle of doing really bad then doing really good. I just want my ocd gone I want to be normal again and not obsess ever my relation anymore. Sorry for the rant I’m just exhausted from my ocd and feel super depressed and I think it’s from my ocd. I just feel like I’m spiraling

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