Usually my thoughts go from statements, which I fight all the time, to doubts like “do I” or “i don’t know” but I don’t fight this. I’m not sure if this is progress or it’s the truth. Anyone else feel like this?
The best way to combat ocd is to sit with the uncertainty about the thoughts. “I don’t know” is a great thing bc you aren’t giving in to reassurance and leaving the possibility that it COULD happen, but that there may be a small chance of it occurring. The truth is, there is no “true” way to determine if the thoughts are true—we sit with uncertainty every day, like when walking outside, we don’t know if a bird will randomly poop on us, and when we’re eating food, we don’t know ALL the ingredients inside it, etc.
With my harm ocd, I’ve struggled with doubts that I deserve good things, but something that’s really helped me is the fact that if I don’t deserve this happiness, then do other people deserve happiness? Do other people deserve it if I don’t think I deserve it? And we will often be so hard on ourselves while being the opposite to other people. Imagine yourself as your friend—would you say that your friend doesn’t deserve happiness, this dessert, this hug, this gift, etc? Most likely, you wouldn’t say that. Try thinking of yourself as a friend when it comes to the doubting statements.
@coolbeanscasp :) If it comes to doubts concerning “oh if I thought this does that mean I want to do it”, remember that you are in control of your actions, and remember your moral compass and how you don’t want to do it—a bad person wouldn’t be questioning if they wanted to do something bad—they would just do it. There is a difference between acting on a thought and simply having the thought.
@coolbeanscasp :) I also have harm ocd but lately I have fears that I’m not able to handle life and there’s doubt around that and a fear of losing control as a result. I don’t know how I’m suppose to work around this doubt or do I just let it be there.
@Holl1 For the fears about not being able to handle life, look at your entire time here on earth. You’re still alive and you have survived 100% of the days that have happened, whether they’re good or bad days. So no matter what happens, you will make it thru the day. Also it’s important to remember to observe your thoughts—imagine you are watching it thru a window, not trying to change anything, just simply noticing it’s there but not doing anything to “fix” it. Reassuring yourself would look like you breaking thru the window to make things “right”, but you just have to work on simply standing and looking thru the window.
@coolbeanscasp :) Thank you! Would I treat it as the same as my brain would usually say “yeah but you didn’t have harm OCD before this” or “you didn’t use to think like this”
@Holl1 you can’t control having harm ocd ofc, you can’t control the thoughts, so instead of phrasing it kind of like you’re kinda blaming yourself, I think it would be better to phrase it like “oh you didn’t think you would live thru [specific moment] but you did” or even like laughing at the ocd like “oh haha there goes ocd again! telling me I can’t handle life when I am obviously here right now!” etc
@coolbeanscasp :) Thank you this has helped me a lot!!
@Holl1 ofc!! glad I could help ❤️
Does anyone else experience a moment of clarity where you feel strong relief that the intrusive thought isn’t true, only to then immediately start questioning if you’ve only convinced yourself that because you don’t want the thought to be true? I’m pretty confident it would take some crazy mental gymnastics to actually successfully convince myself I didn’t do something that I deep down knew I did, but every time I resist the compulsions and try to sit with the uncertainty or tell myself to think about what is logical, I usually briefly know that this probably didn’t happen but am unable to move on out of fear I’m just in denial and have convinced myself of that.
My biggest issue with things in my life are not feeling confident in things I want to do and feeling doubtful combined with anxiety. It makes me not want to do a whole lot of things outside of my comfort zone because I either feel I'm not ready for them or I don't deserve them. In the back of my mind, my brain tells me that I've done something in relation to POCD because of porn when I was a teenager and a time I tried to help a minor with OCD. Or that I've committed sexual harassment because of a time I tried to zip up a bag but didn't tuck my arm and it touched someone's behind when really I just didn't want to keep listening to my OCD about how much of a bad person I would be or bad things would happen if I didn't tuck my arm. I thought I would just very slightly brush up contact and it wouldn't matter that much but it just ended up happening in the worst way. I remember how extremely depressed this made me and I just feel like I don't deserve to go on because of these kind of thoughts, memories, and worries. These worries are what keeps me down from really living my life. Another part of this is I feel I need to just have my needs met before I can really carry on in life I also know that I can't keep waiting for things to feel right when I need to do them. Is this a sign of Just Right OCD? Needing my feelings to feel just right in order for me to do someone I really want to? I act on my feelings more than I do my rational and it definitely shows in my anxiety. This stuff holds my back on my dream goals, trying to get experience with relationships, going to school, and just overall being happier and caring a lot less about anxiety. I don't know how to get rid of them. I just try to let them pass. Sometimes that works, sometimes that doesn't. Being up at night is a trigger for this for sure.
So I’ve noticed that my OCD has calmed down, I’m getting less intrusive thoughts but I feel more uncertain than ever. Is this normal for recovery?
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