← Explore more posts

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Okay so I need help I’m 15 years old I remember when I was younger I would search up lesbian kiss and I kissed my bestfriend just a peck and then was aroused by provocative music videos however I have always had crushes on guys and wanted to be in a relationship with guys. I also had a porn addiction from my preteen years I watched heterosexual porn lesbian porn and gay male porn and only stopped a few weeks ago however I haven’t had sex and I’ve only kissed one guy so it makes me instantly worried about being a lesbian and in year 7 the thought of what I did as a child gave me extreme anxiety but what scares me the most is internalised homophobia because I share some Simalar symptoms because I think some of HOCD symptoms also share Simalr thoughts and sometimes I will think weird thoughts about lesbians like I had a thought that i don’t want my daughter to be a lesbian because what if then I turn into a lesbian and I don’t think I have sexual fantasies about women I get turned by women but not in a sexual way I just want to look like them and almost be them never with them but now I’m questioning that because of these doubts I haven’t even thought of being a lesbian for years or my childhood experimentation and every time I think I question if I liked it or not I get friendship crushes but just to be friends strictly platonic and I remember when I was younger I cried because o didn’t want my bestfriend to die and now I’m questioning if it was romantic or something tbh I have I guess been bi curios at points in time but I felt like I would never be with a girl it just wouldn’t be natural and I would view it as a friendship I also don’t want to be perceived as gay because then what I will start questioning myself all these Memories and emotions are coming back up and I’m scared that I want to think that when I know deep down I’m not a lesbian I was on 50g of Zoloft and that worked for a couple weeks o wasn’t even thinking about this and now I’m on 75g however it’s not helping and it’s my third day earlier today I had a panic attack about being a lesbian and asexual I just want this all to go away and be back to my normal self that I was two weeks ago I have also struggled with other themes of ocd to contamination is a big one and at one point I thought I wanted to be transgender This scares me but I need to know if this is OCD and it’s just anxiety

hocdgirlsummer

Date posted: 5y

Yes, its so true because so many hocd sufferes have this exact sympton. I did this too and only realise yeats later thst it actually doesnt mean something. I wish i lnew these earlier because i couldve skipped all this stress buut oh wel, here i am. Please let it sink jn deeply thst it doesnt mean shit. I truly hopenu can genuinely believe it and move on:)

rlr

Date posted: 5y

just because girls kissing and lesbian stuff turns you on it doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian. many straight women get turned on by that type of stuff including me

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond