Deleted post.

You don’t have to share the specifics in therapy if you don’t want to. You can tell them exactly what you wrote here; a good ocd specialist will understand and help you with ERP even without knowing all the details. You can also choose to open up more over them as you come to trust them. I really encourage you to go to therapy and be open with your therapist about wanting to move slowly and being reluctant to share. You never have to do or say anything you don’t want to, and any progress towards ERP is good progress!!

I'm glad you expressed how you were feeling here. You are not a bad person--this is clear because you definitely have a conscience. That is clear from what you write. And you are only a kid at 16! This is a tender age to be going through all the heartache that you feel. Please, please allow yourself sympathy. If you could imagine someone you dearly love going through the same circumstances that you are, you would probably have a great deal of sympathy for them. OCD is brutal! You are soul is hurting, and OCD is a struggle behind the imagination of "normal" people. They can't understand the pain that OCD causes. But I want you to know that there can be freedom from guilt and pain. Most of the time, however, we don't find the path to getting better on our own. If you keep everything locked up inside, you are not likely to progress. Consider yourself on a journey toward getting better. The journey will take time, and it will take some work. You will have to work on the ideas of guilt and also loving yourself. There will be people who probably give you bad advice along the way in this journey. And also people who give you correct advice. So don't feel bad if you don't take all the advice that people give. Just take you the things that are helpful. Don't worry if you don't get better right away. If you just keep yourself pointed in the right direction, then you will be progressing down the journey. And that's all you need to do!! Human beings not meant to live with this kind of guilt. I've had some of this too. However, we are meant to be free from it. Please know that it's possible for you to get better. :):) Would love to be a support for you if you want to open up more. And we could also talk about places where you can open up more with others too. Like I said, when you are a teenager, that is a really difficult age to process these sorts of struggles. And I really want doors to be open for you where you can communicate and work through the pain. Do you have anyone at all in your life you trust that you could talk to? Is therapy a hard No? Or would you be open to something like NOCD? I am here for you, and would love to support you all that I can. I hear your pain. But Things can get better.!!!

hi I also want EVERYTHING to be gone by tomorrow. I know you and me want it fast but it may never be that way. Uncertainty is poison for us but let yourself enjoy the little details, the sunset, a small hot chocolate sip, the scent of a perfume. You are valuable and deserve peace. Please believe it💖