@AngieAng I have this same thought process. I never really thought “these as ruminations also and part of OCD, but I guess they might be, I never knew this. Sometimes in life I feel like if I am “going through a bad time/suffering”, it might be due to the fact of past sins, even if they were more like indiscretions or whatever…..I even thought and honestly “still not quite sure” but I am in my 40’s and I had a “14 year stretch” in life where I was going through a really bad time and a horrible health problem that nobody really “understood” and it really bothered. I prayed and begged for years and years and God finally healed me, but you know what I did after I got well after about a year?? I actually felt like God put me through a “Job” experience like in the Bible and had it in my head, that God “does that to people, who try to be really good people”——he makes them go through something “really tragic”, to refine them but honestly, this thought process made me mad at God, so “I decided that from then on”, I was going to still try to be a good person, but if I was “angry, or felt the need to I would cuss or “swear” to express what I was feeling, and I would drink alcohol sometimes, especially on weekends…..since I was 17, I was trying really hard to be a good Christian and tried really hard to “not cuss/swear” most of the time, and for the most part I believed “alcohol and especially getting close to drunk was “sinful” and yeah it probably is”….but anyway, I thought these weren’t super horrible things so I would probably still get into heaven but at the same time that I was “bad” enough that God wouldn’t put me through something that I felt was horrible suffering……I never thought this process could of possibly been ruminating issues??….I definitely have severe OCD issues……..but anyway, I said “all that” to say that something that has been bothering me lately, was “due to the fact” that I had a real foul mouth and was almost like a drunkard as the Bible describes it…….and sorry, I know this is long…,,it’s hard, I still believe in God, but it’s hard to know how he works….and if some reason the devil is allowed to mess with you or something??
