Faking it until you make it

False memory OCD is such a pest. It’s really hard to deal with the feelings of certainty and anxiety, trying to discern if things are false memories or real memories, what if they’re real memories, what if my OCD is right, what if because my OCD was right about one thing it’s also right about this thing, what if it knows something I don’t or haven’t realized yet, what if the real memory it’s taking from is actually false and the false memory is true. And it’s worse because the theme and false memory is so high stakes and it’s terrifying to consider what if it’s actually true and the consequences, but that only feeds the OCD, and it doesn’t help that I keep mentally prodding at it to see if the feelings of certainty are still there. It makes the false memories seem so real, and it’s like it wants me to admit the false memory actually happened when I don’t know that it did, and I’ll never know. I try to sit with the uncertainty but my OCD makes this feel so real and it creates so much certainty that this did happen that it’s so hard to keep telling myself that I don’t know, that this could be a real memory or it might not be and I’ll never know, and to remember that this came up a few days ago and I was pretty sure it was a false memory and I was handling it. Like remembering the false memory made it an actual memory. I have no idea if any of this makes any sense - it’s getting so meta lol. Reading all of this, it’s no wonder it’s so hard to sit with the uncertainty about if it’s a real memory or false. It’s been on my mind over the last week, too, which probably doesn’t help things, because the deeper I try to delve into it, the more complicated it becomes, and trying to point out that logically, it doesn’t make any sense, doesn’t help because my OCD comes up with scenarios and what-ifs and ways that this could have happened. It’s really tough to sit with when my OCD is so convinced this is true and it wants me to be convinced, too. I could really use some support, validation, encouragement, anything. If you made it this far, thanks for reading - please take care of yourselves. ❤️🤗

I experience crippling, debilitating false memory OCD. It started with a “what if” thought 6 days ago and has spiraled into a never ending loop. My mind is telling me that “maybe you did this terrible, awful, unforgivable thing years ago and you don’t remember it and it’s only a matter of time before it catches up to you and your life is over” I’m really needing some coping mechanisms and support. I’m really scared and my body is exhausted. I just want it to stop. It is full panic attack all day, every day. Please if anyone can relate or help me.

hi yall im new here but not new to ocd. for as long as i remember ive had tendencies and ive had compulsions. when i was like 6 i remember counting my steps and that started this life long thing. i get looks in public because ive been touching each side of my face for the past 10 minutes because it “didn’t feel right”. about every one in my life knows i have severe ocd and that’s fine but my grandmother told my mom behind my back one night that i was ‘manipulating’ her and that my ocd could be fake. this is because i can’t take the trash out of the track can because i can’t risk getting sick from old food, i cant use cleaning products on my hands to clean them. i have no probably taking the trash out it’s just removing it from the bin. i can’t do the dishes because its not clean and ill have an anxiety attack because its just simply too overwhelming for my ocd. those aren’t the only things but the list is just too long to write out. but we don’t live with my grandmother anymore. when we did my ocd wasn’t as progressed as it is now and i was able to hide most of my compulsions and “rituals” (what i call them) in private, therefore she doesn’t see how much it can affect my every move. this happened a while ago but i keep thinking about it and i get in my head. when im really struggling it’s hard to not convince myself that i’ve been lying to myself and so many others for 18 years. all my compulsions and intrusive thoughts and the goddamn hallucinations i’ve had from ocd are in fact real but how can my own grandmother call me manipulative like i don’t get it truthfully. i cannot imagine a situation in which someone would go through the trouble of washing their hands 4 times, of blinking 16 times before shutting their phone off. rewriting a whole text to their boyfriend because i misspelt a word and so now the whole text is wrong or any other of these things i and SO MANY people who have ocd or ocd tendencies would go through the trouble because it is SO paralyzing. clearly i’m not going to explain myself to her because i don’t have that energy esspecially if she is going to ‘mhm’ me and then go again behind my back and tell my mom (who fully understands and has tendencies herself and knows i don’t make this stuff up) that im a manipulator.