- Date posted
- 27d
ROCD
Wanna marry my partner , have no excitement feelings? Scared to lose attraction? Can’t see clear? Even though I have every right and reason to
Wanna marry my partner , have no excitement feelings? Scared to lose attraction? Can’t see clear? Even though I have every right and reason to
I just answered another like this. Just try to remember that loving someone is a choice, not a feeling. You choose them over and over, you will self justify your attraction for them and it will grow. I can promise you. Met a girl who I thought was okay attractive, wasn’t that exciting either of a person, but I choose and loved her with everything and the attraction for her went through the roof. Choose everything good about him and choose to take care and love him! Sounds counter intuitive but I promise it works!
Love by choosing, not by feeling! Good-luck!
This conversation thread is amazing and helpful. I struggle with this sometimes in my marriage. I didn’t find out I had OCD until a couple years into my marriage. I question a lot of things to this day. I struggle with confessing as well, things I have done in the past, etc. You just have to remember that love is a choice, not a feeling, you may have feelings that feel good, bad, etc., but ultimately it is a choice. God bless you, and I always try to remember that God knows your heart regardless of what you think. He loves us all! Amen sister ⛪️🙏
Wanna talk about it?
@Someone99 Just feel like I have a hard time seeing it and I’m afraid it’s due to attraction? Sure he isn’t that physically attractive but I don’t necessarily truly care I know I haven’t in the past. The other attributes are what makes this desirable and I am feeling biblical clarity and I want that clarity of desire and I think maybe I just want a husband can I reallt see it? How will I feel?
@EmmaGrace27 You've been struggling with this for a while, and we had good conversation about it. There's a realistic level of uncertainty in this stage of your life. Wow, marriage, till death do us part...and so on. Even without OCD it's scary!. There's a fear, lots of "what if's"... Much of this is what everyone goes through.
@Someone99 Ohh ok. So you just marry with those doubts ??
@EmmaGrace27 There's no way every doubt or uncertainty can be satisfied. That's the joy and excitement of life. We walk forward in faith. God shows us the next step, not the whole journey, and asks us to trust Him. Can you identify an intrusive thought related to your attraction concerns? Intrusive thoughts are usually definitive, like black and white, like "I always .." "I'll never...", and so on. No room for maybe with intrusive thoughts. Once you can identify the thought as intrusive, you can take the power away from it.
@Someone99 I actually not sure what are intrusive thoughts in this or actual feelings?
@Someone99 And maybe some of it is but
@EmmaGrace27 Possibly what you e been repeatedly writing about? :-) Like what happens as you're questioning the feelings or lack of feelings. What if...., Maybe I'm not..., and so on.
@EmmaGrace27 It'll be something that actually raises your anxiety, or causes some type of uneasiness, by just thinking about it.
@Someone99 I also have them when I’m with him. Like “he doesn’t look good” or “he’s ufly right now” “I don’t like how he looks” and I can’t tell if it’s how I feel or tea
@EmmaGrace27 Intrusive
@EmmaGrace27 What do you think about yourself when you have those thoughts, or because you have those thoughts?
@Someone99 Horrible like I feel guilty
@Someone99 I usually feel bad and start obsessing over why I feel that way, will it ever work out? Even after I’ve decided my choice. I also feel a drop in my stomach and I feel bad. I start obsessing if I really feel this way. And I also feel will I ever get past this, and I keep going into cycles worrying I should just end things
@EmmaGrace27 Yeah, that's the OCD type stuff. Your head and heart knows this is a really good man, and a Godly man. Those are valuable and rare traits. I encourage you to dig deep with this. Ask God to show you where you can grow, heal, change, and let Jesus in to those vulnerable places. (He already knows, btw).
@Someone99 Oh yes I’ve asked him to soften my heart because I know for a fact this is the type of man he wants me to marry and the relationship he wants me to have. So I’m asking him to help me find attractive tbe things he values
@EmmaGrace27 Another exercise I've heard and done myself, read 1 Corinthians 13 beginning v. 4 and every place the word "love" is, insert your name... "Emma" is patient, "Emma" is kind. "Emma" does not envy, "Emma" does not boast, "Emma" is not proud. 5 "Emma" does not dishonor others, "Emma" is not self-seeking, "Emma" is not easily angered, "Emma" keeps no record of wrongs. 6 "Emma" does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. And so on... Whew, I just ate some humble pie myself as I typed that and thought of my name in there...
@EmmaGrace27 God is so good, Emma. And He knows your heart. Hopefully I didn't get too of topic. 🫣 Lol
@Someone99 Haha no
@EmmaGrace27 And marriage is not always attractive. Just wait until flu season, stomach bugs, and all that fun stuff you share up close and personal. 😉
@EmmaGrace27 And through it all, God will make you who He created you to be, if we allow Him to. 🙏🏼
@Someone99 I think my thoughts would stop if I stopped giving them enough attention
@EmmaGrace27 Yes. OCD wants us to engage in a tug of war. The more we pull back against it, the stronger it becomes and we get pulled over the cliff. Let go of the rope...it's just a thought
@EmmaGrace27 And you're an amazing, Godly young woman.
@EmmaGrace27 And wise. You know in your head and your heart what's important.
I had a similar issue. We were planning our wedding and I had trouble getting excited. I had a hard time visualizing it all. I also started worrying that I was losing attraction. It was all ocd. It wasn't until we started making decisions that I had something to visualize. It was also the normal anxieties that a lot of people go through because it's a big decision and of course ocd is gonna love making you doubt everything. So stay strong!
@FiddyK Yes this is exactly how feel
@FiddyK Maybe my attraction will grow. He isn’t that physically attractive but his biblical traits as well as personality traits make it all worth it, he isn’t ugly and I’m not totally attracted physically I’m incredibly attracted to him his personality and his godliness
I struggle with rocd, and a big intrusive thought that I have is that I’m no longer in love with my partner. I am going through a depression right now, and I am struggling to feel any kind of passion towards anything at the moment. I am withdrawing from the people I love because I just feel like I want to be alone. When I’m with people I just feel exhausted by it. I guess my question is, has anyone ever felt like this from depression? Does it take feelings of love and attraction away? I can’t tell if this is my ocd or depression or a combination of both. But it’s starting to impact my relationship which makes me panic because losing it is my worst fear.
I feel like I want to break up with my partner and go off and experience things like falling in love and butterflies and magic again. My partner is my home and my family and my rock and we’re compatible but sometimes it feels like I have these unfulfilled needs. And then ocd comes in and SCREAMS about these things and pulls me away from my partner. We’ve been together ten years. It says leave leave leave leave leave. And I feel like deep down I don’t want to stay. But I know love is a choice. How can I choose to stay when my body is screaming rub. I know I have ocd, and this is what ocd feels like, and I also have a lot of trauma regards to attachment. Am I being a coward??? Will this ever end?
Hi everyone, I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. I’ve always felt emotionally close to him — he’s caring, supportive, and we planned a future together, including having a family. I don’t want to leave him. He means so much to me. But for a while now, I’ve been obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction to him anymore. It’s not like I never felt anything — when we first met, there were butterflies, excitement, emotional connection… something real. He was never “just a friend” to me. But the physical side of the relationship feels like it’s slowly faded, and I’m panicking about what that means. I keep thinking things like: – “Maybe I chose the wrong person.” – “You can’t be in love without sexual desire.” – “If I was truly in love, I would still want him.” – “What if I’ve been lying to myself this whole time?” Sometimes my body reacts — I can feel physical closeness or even arousal — but my mind shuts down and says: “no, this isn’t right.” Other times, I feel tension, resistance, or even disgust during intimacy, and I can’t tell if that’s anxiety or if something is fundamentally wrong. What makes this even more confusing is that I truly believe that real love includes sexual attraction. For me, it’s all part of one feeling — not separate. So if the attraction is gone, does that mean the love is too? Is it possible that this is still OCD — that my mind is obsessing and disconnecting me from my real feelings? Has anyone experienced something similar? Any support would mean so much. I feel so stuck between my mind and my heart.
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