Anony1314

Date posted: 9w

Please comment. I'm struggling so much. Thanks

POCD I was holding my nephew, he's a newborn, and he was getting hungry so he started squirming around and grazed my chest (yes I was fully clothed). Of course, that caused anxious groinals.. It didn't feel bad in the moment just very very anxious feelings, and without thinking, I was holding his head still right there and I was moving it closer in that spot (at least felt that way) to make the feeling continue I guess. It felt like an urge because of the groinals. It was such an anxious all over my body feeling. I was so anxious and triggered by that feeling. It's like my groinals were so intense I automatically leaned into them? So I ended up having another groinal. After that I put the baby down and realized what had happened. Did I just hurt my nephew without consciously realizing it till after? Is this OCD?

it's just a ...

Date posted: 9w

I know you are really stuck on this. None of us here can provide an answer that will satisfy your OCD. You mentioned in a previous post that you have an upcoming therapy appointment. Is it with an OCD specialist?

Anony1314

Date posted: 9w

@it's just a thought Yes she's an OCD specialist. I've had her for years.

MichaelJH

Date posted: 9w

@it's just a thought This is an amazing comment. Thank you.

MichaelJH

Date posted: 9w

I’m sorry you are experiencing this, know that you’re not alone. I’ve had situations similar to yours, and I can get really easily stuck on it. Have you tried using the SOS function on this app for me personally it’s really encouraging, especially when I have to wait five minutes and to sit with the uncertainty, knowing that there is no amount of rumination that is gonna give me the certainty that I need in this moment or want Maybe you did. Maybe I did. maybe you didn’t. maybe I didn’t. I really do love this comment above: there is nothing that I or anyone else can say to you or to me that’s gonna satisfy my OCD.

Anony1314

Date posted: 9w

@MichaelJH Thank you friend. I appreciate your comment so much. I'm struggling. Do you think I'm a P?

MichaelJH

Date posted: 9w

Let me know what you do. OCD it’s not what you feel that matters. It’s what you do that counts going and doing something for another human being is the last thing your OCD wants you to do right now. It wants you to ruminate search find but just like that amazing comment above said that there is nothing anyone can say that is gonna give you the assurance that you’re looking for for the peace that you want That it was or was not something. You must resist the compulsion to ruminate go do something for someone. I’ll check back as soon! Remember, it’s not how you feel that matters. This is probably gonna feel like the worst thing to do but go do something for someone else.

Anony1314

Date posted: 9w

@MichaelJH Thank you for taking the time to sit and comment. Thanks for caring! Thank you for just being here. I'm going to sit and read to my daughter tonight before bed. I'll check back in later. This OCD is debilitating and I feeel like I don't deserve to be a mom or aunt

MichaelJH

Date posted: 9w

That is a freaking amazing refocus. Proud of you!

MichaelJH

Date posted: 9w

You’re a freaking awesome mom and you’re an amazing aunt.

Anony1314

Date posted: 9w

@MichaelJH Thank you friend. I appreciate your support more than you know! If you saw my most recent post, I think I've finally came to a realization as to what happened.

Anony1314

Date posted: 9w

@MichaelJH And by the way, my daughter loved me reading her books tonight. I used to do that every night but my OCD got in the way of me being 100% present the past few months. (OCD is the devil I swear)

MichaelJH

Date posted: 9w

@Anony1314 Good job! Haha I have a pretty good idea of how much it means. I’m in the trenches with you fighting the exact same battles of Harm OCD and (for me personally) Religious OCD. That’s such a huge step you took tonight! I had a thought recently. I was obsessing whether or not I had harmed my child or not and the intense feelings of anxiety and uncertainty just came upon me and stayed. I thought to myself how would I live in my life right now if I knew without a shadow of a doubt that what I was dealing with was absolutely OCD. In a really similar way that you responded by reading your daughter a book , I did the exact same thing and decided to draw a picture for my son. Was it OCD was it not OCD? Did I do it? Did I not do it? Right now who knows, I’m gonna go read my son a book lol you did great! Even if the feeling of certainty goes away and with OCD, it will, keep making the small steps. You’re doing better than you think. And man, I agree OCD SUCKS.

MichaelJH

Date posted: 9w

I think you should go and DO something good for someone else. Anything. Go wash the dishes, give someone a glass of water, what is something you appreciate someone doing for you. Go and do that for someone else.

Anony1314

Date posted: 18w

Can't get past it. Need supportive friends comment

Please read and comment kindly. Really looking for support. My child was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt them that I might as well do something else because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it and causing another feeling (I literally had to question what to do during this and the only thing I could come up with was to move my elbow towards her groin area) but it came across my mind to elbow my child, and I elbowed their crotch or side area. Which caused another unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out and asked my child to move. Then I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be theirs anymore. Idk what overcame me, and in the moment, it felt like I wanted to move my elbow, but I know that can also be my OCD speaking. Right? I clearly regret it all and hate myself. I would never intentionally hurt my child; I don't know what happened in my head when this happened. I was doing SO well! Is this my POCD that I've been diagnosed with by my OCD specialized therapist? Just a struggling mom who used to be the best of the best. I'm very depressed by this. Idk what to do with myself. I live in regret now, and I just wish it would've never ever happened. I can't stop ruminating and being depressed thinking I don't deserve anything.

POCD

Anony1314

Date posted: 18w

VERY stressed and ruminating. Please comment POCD

POCD

Anony1314

Date posted: 18w

Did I go crazy? Gave into thought. Comment please

My child was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt them that I might as well do something else because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it and causing another feeling (I literally had to question what to do during this and the only thing I could come up with was to move my elbow towards her groin area) but it came across my mind to elbow my child, and I elbowed their crotch or side area. Which caused another unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out and asked my child to move. Then I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be theirs anymore. Idk what overcame me, and in the moment, it felt like I wanted to move my elbow, but I know that can also be my OCD speaking. Right? I clearly regret it all and hate myself. I would never intentionally hurt my child; I don't know what happened in my head when this happened. I was doing SO well! Is this my POCD that I've been diagnosed with by my OCD specialized therapist? Just a struggling mom who used to be the best of the best. I'm very depressed by this. Idk what to do with myself. I live in regret now, and I just wish it would've never ever happened. I can't stop ruminating and being depressed thinking I don't deserve anything.

POCD

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