Religion and sexuality OCD

Hey guys so I have been suffering with sexual ocd due to the fact that I don’t feel that romantic spark with him anymore, I love him and I know I do but I get to much in my thoughts thinking about why can’t I feel that anymore what has changed what if I don’t wanna be with anymore I’ve been with him for 4 years and at first I think it was ROCD but now I started thinking what if I’m into girls now I’ve always been the type to say oh a girl is so pretty or I like this about her but now I feel like every time I see a girl I’m like do I see myself in a relationship with her oh she’s pretty oh I like her voice do I find it attractive and sometimes I do !!! Which is killing me I feel disgust thinking about because what if I secretly am no shame to people who are my sister herself is but I just feel wierd because I wanna be with my husband and feel happy there not with a girl and feel like a man because I see myself in the mirrior and I’m like do I myself being a man do I look lesbian? Do I act lesbian or bi? What if secretly I wanna be a man or I imagine myself being a man in a relationship with a pretty girl and idk what to think

I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments

I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.