Rocd, my partner is psychopath?

Hello. I am diagnosed with ocd. I am really struggling right now, because I have this fear that my partner is a psychopath. He is a kind man and never hurt me, but I see some evidences, for example he said that he couldn't really feel deep emotions. Sometimes he struggles with feeling the other people emotions but his cognitive empathy is very good, cognitively he understands the emotions, so he helps people a lot (but what is he only helps because he want to be a hero??) And he said that it is weird for him, when peolpe are very emotional, and he is proud that he is always calm and could decide without the influence of emotions. And he could be easily bored, and he likes adrenaline. He is also very very smart, and he knows this very well. I have never seen him manipulate someone else, and I don't feel that he controlles me ( or am I just not recognizing it??) He let me do my own things, he is not jealous, not abusive etc. But a lot of small things are like the characteristic of psychopaths. So I am not afraid that he will kill me or something, I just have this fear that there is something that I don't see about him and I don't know his true personality. I am very anxious, that the past 2 and a half year was a LIE. Please someone help me, this is killing me!

hhaatt

Date posted: 4d

i think that you’re definitely ruminating way too much into it. of course it’s scary you love & trust your partner and the idea that you’re dating a psychopath is terrifying. however if im honest, i really don’t think he is, and i think you’re deep diving into characteristics a bit too much which is the ocd in your brain. some people don’t feel emotions deeply due to childhood trauma and just blocking it out or been told not to feel so deeply about things, etc, or maybe he just doesn’t have anything to feel deeply about. of course this is a big difference to someone with ocd who feels absolutely every deep emotion. i also think it’s normal for boredom and the like for adrenaline, there’s many different types of adrenaline. but there are many other characteristics of psychopaths that it does not sound like he has. i really do think that you’re ruminating too much into it. if it continues to affect you i think the best way is to be open about it, as you’ve been together a long time now i’m guessing he knows you have OCD, and he sounds like an understanding person. if not that is also okay, id maybe recommend reaching out to a professional. but i’d say please don’t try to look up further symptoms, match their behaviors to your partners, or analyze everything he does. i am convinced it is the ocd that is telling you this. and all those behaviors are compulsive it’s like you want to know for the certainty, as ocd hates uncertainty, but its best to be open with him or a professional. hope you are doing well :)

Sunshine02

Date posted: 4d

Thank you very much for your answer. Honestly, I had this theme 8 months ago as well, we spoke about it and he went to a doctor, who told that he is not a psychopath. Then I calmed down, but since then I ruminte that the doctor wasn't right and he just saw that my partner is like a normal people and because of this he didn't examine him well. Also one of my trgiggers, that started this fear is that I read about "normal" psychopath, who we can't really recognize because they are like us, they have family, friends etc. Socmy fear is not that my partner is a serial killer psychopath, rather a "normal" psychopath. And I don't know, how to distinguish normal psychopaths from people who are not so emotional.

Sunshine02

Date posted: 4d

@Sunshine02 Also my boyfriend is my biggest supporter, so there is a huge conflict in my head about what the reality could be.

hhaatt

Date posted: 4d

@Sunshine02 of course i’m always here if you need to talk! first of all i really do highly doubt doctors could never be wrong about stuff like that. secondly the fact he was willing to go to a doctor to see if he was a psychopath, knowing if he was, his life would be over as they’d put him away from society for safety, just so it assured you, shows that he knows he not a psychopath but he loves you and wants you to be at peace about it. third of all apparently psychopaths make up about 1% of the global population meaning it is incredibly rare for people to actually have it. if it helps in any way my partner is not an overly emotional person, there’s a lot of childhood trauma that means all the emotions are blocked out. i’m not sure about how much he’s told you about his childhood but was there any traumas or events that happened that could’ve lead to him being very repressive about his emotions. if not i know some people are just very repressive about there emotions also i think men typically struggle more to express things like that, as there are a lot of social standards around men not crying or showing real emotions as it supposedly makes them weak. and i know a lot of them are told that before they even reach adulthood meaning in the most developmental years of there lives they’re being told it’s not okay to feel like this. i really hope this puts a fresh perspective in your mind but i really do think especially now i know that a doctor confirmed it he isn’t a psychopath and it is the ocd causing this anxiety.

Sunshine02

Date posted: 4d

@hhaatt Thank you thank you!! He doesn't really have childhood traumas, but in his family, they didn't really showed big emotions. While in my family, we cry, we laugh laud, we dance around the dinner table. So maybe it is weird for me not to do that. Altought, I don't understand how can he be sooooo cool-headed all the time😅. Anyway, I try not to overreact that.

hhaatt

Date posted: 4d

@Sunshine02 of course you’re very welcome :)) see that to me is a very clear reason to why he probably struggles to. but maybe you could help him and try to express his emotions more, i’m sure he knows he can and youve expressed this, he could just be a very easy going person that doesn’t have a lot to express. but don’t worry i get you, im the same i think it’s the ocd and anxiety in us we’re just constant stress and fear

Vamp DeVille

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4d

You’re not alone—this is something so many people with OCD go through, especially with relationship or existential OCD. Your brain is trying to protect you from hidden danger, even when there’s no real threat. The fear that “maybe it’s all a lie” is OCD doing what it does best: creating doubt where there doesn’t need to be any. Your partner sounds kind and supportive, and those traits you’re worried about? They can also just be part of someone’s personality—not red flags. The fact that you’re spiraling doesn’t mean something is wrong—it means OCD is loud right now. You’re not crazy. You’re not alone. And this fear doesn’t define your relationship or your reality. You’ve got this. 💛

521mullax

Date posted: 4d

Move on

24ozpersepho...

Date posted: 4d

So what if he was a “normal” psychopath? A diagnosis is just a word. As long as you feel he is not hurting you or manipulating you, why should it matter? Are psychopaths doomed to never be able to be the best they can be and make meaningful connections? You saying he is your biggest supporter is enough to tell me that, if he’s a psychopath, he can’t be THAT bad. (I’m being facetious, but really, maybe he’s a psychopath, maybe he’s not! You can only focus on his present behavior towards you)

Sunshine02

Date posted: 4d

Wow, this message scared me😅 but we have to face our fears, so I think it is good that you wrote this. I don't know why am I so afraid of a diagnosis, even is I trust my boyfriend and I see him as a good person with, or without the diagnosis. Maybe the fear that then my life would be a lie, but I dont really know why it would be a lie.

24ozpersepho...

Date posted: 4d

@Sunshine02 It’s good that you’re recognizing there’d be no reason it’s a lie.

WhatAGuy05

Date posted: 24w

Can someone with rocd give a newbie some advice?

Flagged as triggering to be safe I’ve never been in a real relationship before… you can guess why lol. But I really want the one I’m in to work out. Still I can’t help but be scared that I don’t actually have feelings for him. I’m scared that I’m leading him on? And I’m scared because I can no longer identify what’s real and what’s ocd. To make matters worse we went on winter break from college and we are long distance so I went from seeing him every day and now I haven’t seen him for four weeks. I’m going to see him in two days and I was trying to lay out an outfit that he would see me and think “wow” in. But I started to wonder, am I doing this cause I like him or because I just want him to like me and I don’t have feelings for him. I feel like a terrible person. The combo of no relationship experience plus the ocd plus winter break is distressing. (We’ve been together three going on four months)

Uypvqcm5

Date posted: 20w

ROCD

For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..

Matlock

Date posted: 19w

My ROCD is driving me away from my boyfriend

I'm 18, and been in a relationship with my man for nearly 2 years. I started living with him around 2 months ago, and all I do is think about if he's cheating. We were long distance for a year and a half of our relationship, maybe seeing eachother once every month or two. I decided to move in with him, and ever since all I can think about is if he's cheating or watching porn. When he's in another room I think he's doing something wrong, I have to check on him every ten minutes to ease my anxiety. I didn't have this problem before moving in. Granted he has talked to some girls on his phone, even having his ex on his phone (didn't do anything bad) and he is porn addicted though he is getting better for me. It's gotten so bad I want to leave him. A couple days ago I broke up with him and it absolutely broke my heart, I couldn't bare it so I gave him a month to show me he can do better, and for me to work on myself. If I'm still unhappy with us I'm going to leave. I love this boy more than anything. I'm scared to be without him, this is my first real relationship. At this point I refuse to even sleep until he is sleeping. I don't want to start over, I don't want to leave him, but I really can't take this pain it's causing me. It's all I think about. I've convinced myself so many times that he's cheating, but I know he wouldn't. I question whether it's anxiety or intuition. Maybe I just know deep down he really is cheating and I just don't want to believe it. I don't know. I don't think he would do that, but at the same time he's really into women. I hate that he looks at other girls in a sexual way, it bothers me so much, and we talk about it often, but with it being an addiction it's difficult. He has gotten a lot better since we have talked about it. He understands I have an issue and is usually happy to talk about it over and over and promise me over and over that he's not cheating. He allows me to have his phone whenever I want and everything, I have no reason to think he's cheating, but I can't get over it. It's not fair to him either. How do I deal with this? How do I stop hurting so much?

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Rocd, my partner is psychopath?

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