just wanted to see if others struggle with real event ocd really kicking their a**. i feel like my mind is a constant battleground of every mistake ive made and they feel so huge and life altering to me that it’s hard to continue going on in their wake. just wondering if anyone else feels this way too.
I feel like this often. Lately, almost everyday. Like every little thing I do or say holds so much weight and reflects who I am as a person. It’s to the point that it can become a moutain for me to overcome because i feel like i have to punish myself for how inconsiderate I was, even if it was something as simple as burning my toast. I want so desperately to do things the right way and make others happy I am hurting myself to do so.
@lilpixie I feel the same way. I think back to every time i did something wrong, said something i wish i could take back, or acted out and feel like it dooms me. It’s so hard feeling like I’ve reduced myself to those mistakes to the point where I can’t even really grasp the barometer of what’s real anymore. I’m sorry you’re going through this too, but thank you for helping me feel less alone. ❤️
You are amongst friends here. So many people here experience the same things you're experiencing. To be human is to make mistakes. A bad person wouldn't give a shit about their real event. We however, do.
@Generiname Thank you so much. That means a lot. This theme is so sticky, and oftentimes meta ocd tries to convince me this isn’t real for others and is just because I’m a uniquely bad person. I’m glad to feel less alone. Thank you for your support. ❤️
@jc33 The problem with the Internet nowadays is people forget that life isn't just "black and white". There's always an explanation and a grey area. We are the few who give a shit about what we've done. Use this to make yourself stronger 💪
The overbearing negative thoughts that we have about ourselves relating to real events and the events themselves are OCD thoughts. They are planted by our disorder, and we believe them, because OCD feels real. I promise you that you are being tricked by OCD. It is safe to begin putting these thoughts to one side.
A few years ago, I did self-harm and ever since have held massive guilt about it. For about a year now, I have thought about the fact that I did that every day, and I feel like it is who I am. It's like my brain knows that the thought of what I did/ could do self-harm provokes fear. It makes my brain replay the memories more or say the words "self-harm" in my head. On the really bad days, every time my mind is conscious, I am just thinking about the fact that I did that. It feels like I cannot control when I choose to think about it... Obviously, by now, I've had my fair share of guilt. I'm afraid to have knives and scissors out.
@summerloverundercover I’m so sorry you’re going through that. Definitely seems like ocd is latching on and scaring you when you don’t need to be. I hope you have a therapist who can help with exposures and stuff to get you through that, because it sounds really miserable :( I’m so sorry
Yes, real event is the last refuge of OCD fears. Compassion and understanding make forgiveness unnecessary and irrelevant. ❤️🩹
@Marcus Aurelius Agh! So hard to give that to oneself when ocd makes these things feel like they’re worthy of eternal damnation… when they are just a snide comment here or there …. but i know self compassion is the key to a lot of letting go. Thanks for the reminder ❤️
im going to be vague here, but basically i did something in the past that i regret and it became a huge point of my OCD but i have talked to my therapist and i have mostly moved past it. i watched a video by an OCD youtuber that really put it into perspective. anyway, i have been with minimal worry for a few days, but now im having worries related to i think false memory? basically it’s like “oh but what if i said/ did this and just forgot that means i harmed this person im a bad person”. to me it sounds like textbook OCD but im just wondering if anyone else has experienced false memory / real event at the same time. i have a really horrible memory which is making it even more stressful. any responses are appreciated!
17f I have a lot of events, but my main and my worst one which is absolutely fucking diabolical was done when I was 14 and repeated when I was 16. Everytime I post something about real event ocd here people are like you are probably didn't do anything that bad, and when they hear what I did they are like yeah that's bad. Someone even asked me if I'm autistic cause "it's crazy how you didn't realize that the thing ypu were doing was wrong at this age." And I kinda agree, like it's fucked up It's just that my event is bad. Doesn't mean I don't have real event ocd. You can have a reocd over the event that was bad, it doesn't mean the event wasn't that bad or you don't have recod. It's just people always expect it to be something innocent and it's not Even a healthy person would feel guilty over it, it's just that I had ocd my whole life and it's making the guilt absolutely destructive, like to the point when I sometimes have a hard time breathing when I think about it, I lost more than a year of life to it, almost checked myself out couple of times if I wasn't so scared of pain/failure, the event haunts me in my dreams, it's in my head 24/7 and I will never able to forgive myself. That ocd. But the event itself was bad. So maybe i deserve it.
I suffer from religious ocd. My only goal in life is to live in God's will and to serve Him - to live and enjoy His eternal purposes & His presence. Jesus Christ is my life. That is my only desire on this earth, this short trip into eternity, and it's being stripped by ocd thoughts and intrusive thoughts 24-7. I have read many times that ocd can 'feel real', and this is true, our minds lie to us because of fear and anxiety we can't and were never meant to carry. I have begged and tormented myself in every way to find an answer from God. I think His answer may be that this is OCD, but I'm not sure. I started therapy again because I am so exhausted and this had stolen so much of my life in a spiral of negativity, depression, and constant anxiety & intrusive thoughts. I have spent about 2 years trying to figure out if my thoughts are real or not, especially with ocd it can deceive so easily as a spiritual matter when in reality it is just a thought, which is confusing and scary to say the least. Can anyone share their experiences with this sensation? No matter what the theme is... Thank you & Praying for your comfort
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