how to adjust

My parents, after 20 years together, are getting a divorce. I don’t really know how to process these emotions — I’m mad, I’m upset, and I feel hopeless. As much as I wish they would keep fighting for their relationship, it feels like they’ve just… given up. I know I’m older than most kids are when their parents split, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. In fact, it almost feels like it hurts more. Everything I’ve known for the past 18 years is changing. I won’t see my dad around the house the same way. They say they’re going to stay friends — and I hope they do — but I can’t help asking: if they can stay friends, then why can’t they just work it out? I don’t have all the answers. But the little girl inside of me is heartbroken… I don't know if I will get through this alone. I wish I had someone who is going through this or has gone through it from my age or older.

slippery_salad

Date posted: 8w

Sit with it. Feel it. Don’t run from the feelings. Let them manifest in your body. Notice where you feel the pain and what thoughts cause it. And let the pain disperse. Sit with it, sit with it, sit with it. And know that this too shall pass. Everything is in a constant state of change, for worse or for better, but at least you know somethings going to change. God is good through it all and He knows the pain you’re experiencing very intimately. You will heal from this and maybe even come to be grateful for it. My parents stayed together when they probably should’ve split up and its caused a lot of problems for my siblings and I. Its definitely a perspective shift. You’ll see the world differently but it could be for the better:)

Stay.Fluid

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 8w

I’m so sorry to hear you are experiencing this. Sending positive vibes.

its_anna1

Date posted: 29d

I’m in the same boat right now. I just found out today actually. I don’t even know what to feel. They said the same thing that they’re going to stay friends and they still love eachother and what not and I wonder the same thing why if they can stay friends can they not stay together? No one in my life has parents who went through divorce when they were older either they’re parents all split up young and they’re parents splitting up we’re all very messy. Just know that even if you feel alone you aren’t. I was just having the same thoughts of wondering how I can get through this alone but then I saw thing on a whim and realized that there’s other people out there going through this situation too. I really hope this helps. And I know this was posted a month ago so a lot has probably happened since this and I hope you’re currently doing well.

mri12

Date posted: 29d

@its_anna1 Hey Anna, I will say it’s an adjustment for sure… and it’s still hard. It’s something that’s never going to be the same again, and that part hurts. But I will tell you if you find something that distracts you, something that gives you joy or peace, and you start making time for yourself, you begin to realize that yes, you miss your mom and dad being in the same house but their marriage isn’t your responsibility. It’s okay to feel sad or even angry, but it’s also okay to take a step back and protect your own peace. Their choices are not a reflection of your worth, and none of this is your fault. It might not feel like it now, but you’ll learn how to carry it differently with time. You’ll start creating your own routines and safe spaces, and it will get easier to breathe again. I’m here for you anytime!! You are loved 🥰

ocdhaver_123

Date posted: 21w

Break up

My bf and I just broke up and I haven’t felt this sort of heartbreak in a very long time. I’m crying all the time and can barely get out of bed. Idek what to do with myself and I’m terrified I’m going to relapse because of all the added stress. I think us breaking up was the right decision but it hurts so fucking bad idek what i should do anymore. I’m not normally the emotional type when it comes to situations like this either. Any advice?

gio

Date posted: 20w

21 days till Im 18, I just don’t want it to come

I can’t totally tell if this is an OCD theme or not but I’m shaking and crying and can’t stop thinking about this. I hope that this makes sense, l'm having problems understanding how to explain my emotions anymore because I just don't know what l'm feeling some days, I just don't get it that much. I'm so scared to become an adult. I don't want to not be a kid in every sense of it. I don't feel like I'm an adult at all, it feels like an expiration date in every way. I don't think I have much going for me, l'm not very smart at least I don't think I am. The things I do like don't feel like they are that much to carry me through everything life is going to bring. I feel disconnected from the actual reality l'm living, like I'm just observing it. I just have trouble caring about my future and I have no plans for anything. But time is running out to figure out what l'll do. I would get rid of any of the privileges l'd get at 18 if I could stay at 17 forever. I don't want to loose childhood, I spent my younger years trying to feel smarter than I am and trying to seem like I was mature, but I'm not. I've had really bad things happen when I was young and things I feel like set me back. I don't think I've grown at the same rate as I should have. God I'm so confused. I don't know what to do about it man. No matter how many people I talk to this doesn't stop eating away at me. Does anything I'm saying even make sense? I wish I could stop time so badly. I don't want things to change. I am not ready for it at all.

better1day

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11w

Recent Break Up makes me regret

I’m disappointed and upset with myself. Growing up in an immigrant household that didn’t believe in therapy as much, I mostly only really took care of my mental health when it came to playing sports. I was not a great communicator when it came to my feelings or being vulnerable with my partners and friends.The world makes you feel like it’s normal to not say what you mean and that you have to be indirect with a lot of the things you say. It caused a lot of fights, hurt feelings, and words I should have never said between me and my recently ex girlfriend. We had broken up about a week ago, but today is the day she said she did not want to talk to me anymore. I wish I did more than journal and meditate. I wish I got treatment for my OCD earlier, or just any therapy at all. I wish I learned to be better at communication way before I met her. Maybe I wouldn’t have lost her, maybe if I had been more honest and more direct about my feelings, our fights wouldn’t have happened. I wish I could have been more for her. I wish I could have been more for myself. I wish I took mental health, growing, and healing more seriously. I am disappointed for my skepticism and being okay with stagnating as a person. I should have healed and addressed my issues sooner. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know how to move on. It feels like I blew my one chance to be with the one person I really loved and the first partner I planned on something really long term with. I feel both the weight and pain of disappointment in myself, and losing her. I know the breakup is hitting her too, and I am worried about her wellbeing. They say there are 5 stages of grief, I wonder what stage this one is. And I wonder how long it’ll take me to just come to acceptance. I want to be better. I want to not hurt people I care about. I want to be the man I am supposed to become.

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