Secretly Reading wife’s text messages -

Due to insecurities that my wife would leave me one day and obsessions about infidelity, I confessed to my wife that I had read her text messages on her iPad/phone several times over the past several months. I had been seeking reassurance that she was not flirting with a male coworker via text and then I had searched for texts to see if she talked about how she and I have verbal fights and whether she is thinking of leaving me. This is all unhealthy and a blend of deep insecurities and OCD obsessions where I also constantly ask her for reassurance that she loves me, that she is not cheating on me, and that she will never leave me. Theee relationship OCD themes are crushing her and I have agreed to go to couples therapy. I am afraid a therapist will tell her to divorce me, either in couples therapy or a private therapist that she will eventually see on her own.

Dee C

Date posted: 5w

Have you considered therapy through NOCD? Couples therapy has its place. However, OCD should be treated by someone having specialized training.

footballsocc...

Date posted: 5w

@Dee C I am scared. I tried NOCD therapy before and the clinician had no experience really for ocd other than like a couple training classes with the app

Dee C

Date posted: 5w

@footballsoccer2019 Might I suggest you try another therapist through NOCD.

mcocd

Date posted: 5w

A therapists job is to help you guys together. Anyone who says marriage doesn’t take hard work is lying. Marriage is about working for each other and growing to be better, and any good therapist will encourage working on that as a couple. I would highly encourage you to seek ways to treat your own OCD. I too am with a partner who does not have it, and it has taken a lot of understanding from both of us to thrive in it. He understands my intrusive thoughts but he also understands that I am a more anxious person at heart. I will check his phone, he never feels the need to check mine. He is perfectly comfortable with our open book policy and communication. We trust each other, but I have had bad experiences in past relationships; so he knows it’s a general worry not something he has done.

footballsocc...

Date posted: 5w

@mcocd Thank you - my wife is very upset that I checked her phone. Do you think she will divorce me?

Dee C

Date posted: 5w

@footballsoccer2019 Whether it’s checking your spouse’s phone or asking someone else, you are looking for reassurance. This is something no one can provide with 100% certainty. My wife of over 30 years may come home or text me that she wants a divorce. My point is that there’s no guarantee. And if that occurs, I’ll deal with it then. Hope this helps you and reach out again to NOCD, at least for the 15 minute phone call!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5w

You should try to prioritize getting help for your OCD so as not to push her further away while trying to work through challenges in your marriage, and I would also suggest attempting couples therapy with a therapist you both are comfortable with. It may be very hard, but you should learn to accept that she can decide whether to honor her marriage vows or not, you can’t (nor should you) control that, nor can she control you in that regard. Think about it from the perspective if you were her, how would you want to be treated? With love, space, tenderness, grace? Or with pushiness, possessiveness, insecurity, doubt, suspicion, and coldness? It helps to have clear and explicit communication about what each other’s boundaries are, e.g. checking phones, social interactions, infidelity, really anything that can affect a relationship. It’s really just trying to figure out who your partner is, how to best love them, what the dealbreakers are, etc. Maybe you guys wind up finding that you disagree on some core values, that is where couples therapy can help, discussing the foundations of your relationship / marriage and seeing how to construct a healthier relationship based on reality instead of kind of assuming things about each other or just hoping things work out without actual work.

OoOcCdD66

Date posted: 20w

R-OCD...cheating fears

Currently I have several different OCD fears that pop up throughout the week depending on the situation. I've noticed a commonality between all of them are the fears relating to memory/false memory. Today is the ROCD struggle I've been dealing with. I know OCD has been trying this on me lately because of how much I love my spouse. They are my absolute best friend and she's my world. I value our marriage and friendship more than anything. OCD has latched onto one specific female coworker. And I don't even know why because even if I were single I wouldn't be into her. Even still, OCD makes me think I've cheated on my wife every time I'm alone with this coworker at work. Always starts as a what if, followed by imagery, followed by feelings that I must've actually done something and can't remember it. Usually fearing I've kissed her. It hurts because I know I'd never do that to my wife and I love her so much...the idea of losing her kills me, especially if it were the result of something I did. Just wanted to vent. Feel free to share your experiences or vents as well

Anonymous558

Date posted: 15w

Struggling relationship and ROCD (help)

me and my girlfriend since we started dating we be only had one problem, and that is my fear of everything of losing her of her cheating, and it’s all caused by OCD. my texts are massive and i get worried i know i love her and she makes me calm i know i love her. we had a conversation yesterday and basically she said that she feels suffocated with my texts and my fears. she went on trip were she doesn’t have her phone. and yesterday i spent the entire day crying about her. my head is filled with intrusive thoughts. and last night i got so stressed that it seemed like the love went away or i couldn’t remember the love, but it’s impossible because i was crying about her yesterday. this struggle my relationship is having is making me so stressed. pls give me advice

Anonymous

Date posted: 9w

Relationship OCD- fear of cheating

I have this deep fear I’ll accidentally cheat on my long term partner. This fear was initially triggered a couple years ago after being at a bar with my friends where I enjoyed the attention of being flirted with by a stranger. Because of my enjoyment of receiving verbal attention, I began spiraling about what if I accidentally cheat. Since then I have made multiple confessions to my partner to seek reassurance, replayed events over and over in my head, spent hours googling/looking at reddit threads, and now I dread “bar like” situations where I know my partner won’t be around. Today I was triggered and have wasted about 4-5 hours of my day ruminating. Does anyone else with relationship ocd struggle with this fear and have any tips?

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Secretly Reading wife’s text messages -

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