ROCD

@Tea and Honey None of us can really know whether you really like your partner or not. And if you decide that you don't like him, that's OK. You are free to decide that. I'm sorry it's so hard to tell if thoughts are real or OCD. When we have OCD, everything gets confusing and muddled up in our brains. Someone on this app described their emotions and thoughts like spaghetti in their brain. I really related to that. I don't know if you really love your partner or not. But we just want you to decide that for yourself without the influence of OCD. (Because we all know the OCD will lead us in very bad directions, lol.!!!)

@Tea and Honey So for me it’s all surrounded on partner focused things such as the fear of thinking he’s ugly. 2 weeks ago I saw this as irrational. Now I see it as more true. And yes I search for evidence and oftentimes am able to find evidence to support my fear. So I totally relate with you on that one lol. I love my partner with everything in me. That’s the one thing I’m thankful is very clear I think I’m going to go back to trusting that my OCD makes my thoughts feel like they matter. When none of this does whether it’s true or not. Even though it doesn’t feel that way to me right now!

@Mk3 Yes, with something like that it can be hard to know if it's true or irrational. However, you can always DECIDE that you don't care-- even if it is true!!! This is because, if you love him, it doesn't matter if part of you thinks he's ugly. If you decide to love him, then love is "for better or for worse." Love is a decision. It's not always a feeling. Feelings of attraction don't always have to be there. Couples who have been together for a long time go through lots of different stages. And the bubble of romance they experienced at the beginning almost always pops within a year or two. Love is a decision that is enduring. My husband loves me even more than he did when we got married, and I probably weigh 40 pounds more than I did in college, and I'm quite a bit older, ha ha ha. If you are afraid that your feelings mean that you HAVE TO separate from him, than remind yourself that you always have the power to DECIDE what you want to do, regardless of your feelings. Don't let your feelings boss you around! Make the decisions that YOU want to make. I am not saying that you have to stay together with him. If you decide you want to leave, then you can. However, just remember that you are free to make any DECISION you want. And if you decide to stay with him, then you are free to do that and ignore all of your feelings, whether they are true or not, or whether they are influenced by OCD or not .

@Tea and Honey Thank you I really appreciate this! Yes I definitely want to stay and love him to death. I just worry that IF I think this then HE deserves better ETC. but that is the OCD TALKING NOT ME!!!! (I hope LOL) I know my OCD makes this feel important when it’s not, it doesn’t matter. Even if my ocd makes it feel like it does. That’s when I decide to take the risk essentially

@Tea and Honey It seems to me, from everything you are writing, that you love him and want to stay with him, but you are concerned that negative feelings toward him mean that you SHOULDN'T stay with him. Just remember, that you have ultimate freedom. If you love him and want to stay, then do that!!!

@Mk3 Yes, that's just your OCD talking to you if you really love him and there's nobody better than you

@Tea and Honey I hope there’s no one better than me! For him. The darn ocd tells me he deserves better, I’m terrible partner etc. Again just OCD talking and I know my OCD makes this topic feel like it matters when it doesnt

@Tea and Honey Oops, sorry about the typos.I meant to say: If you really love him, then there is nobody better than you

@Mk3 Yes!! Totally true!!!!!!!!

@Tea and Honey Yes. If my OCD didn’t make it feel like it mattered so much none of the feeling like he deserves better would even occur! Lol

@Tea and Honey Love is really powerful. And it's increasingly rare these days. Who else is he going find who truly loves him?

@Mk3 Totally! I hate OCD

@Tea and Honey OCD just makes everything in life hard

@Tea and Honey It just makes everything worse

@Tea and Honey Without ocd I don’t think I would even be thinking of any of this. Crazy

@Mk3 That's means you have a good indication to you that all of the negativity toward him is just based in your OCD. And that's encouraging.

@Tea and Honey Well that’s what I hope at least.

@Tea and Honey OCD requires us to take risky, brave steps. This is because it causes so much negativity, doubt, and confusion in our minds, and we don't know how to go forward. Therefore, we have to take bold steps to get beyond the confusion.

@Tea and Honey It is and taking the steps that we conquer the OCD. We never are able to figure everything out in our heads. That never helps. But we move forward in the recovery journey when we actually take steps.

@Tea and Honey We will never have 100% certainty about anything

@Tea and Honey Taking steps such as: me not engaging in thoughts that surround this topic knowing my OCD makes them feel important and matter!

@Mk3 Yes!!!!!!! Totally right!!!!!!! 😀😀😀👍👍👍

@Tea and Honey And who cares even if the thoughts are true? They probably are not--but the point is that you don't have to be afraid even if they were. Because if you decide to love him, that's all you need.

@Tea and Honey Yes sooooo true. It’s tough because sometimes I’m like maybe I should just ask my partner what he thinks. But that is not healthy and would hurt him Again my OCD making it important

@Mk3 Yes, that would just hurt him. The OCD often wants us to tell the people we love things that would be harmful. A lot of confession compulsions fall into this category. So, yes, it's best to leave him out of this. But maybe your other friends could help?

@Tea and Honey I feel like any extra reassurance I should probably avoid at this point. It really is only his opinion that scares me because I don’t want to lose him. But again that’s my ocd telling me this is important important important Also I feel like others don’t understand OCD and just by me asking in the first place kind of makes it important or seem like it matters. So therefore I feel like getting others opinions is not helpful

@Mk3 That makes perfect sense. At this point, it's best to not engage with these thoughts at all. !!

@Tea and Honey Thank you for all your continuous support

@Tea and Honey That's what I have to do when it comes to my salvation. This is because my biggest fear is losing my salvation. But I can't engage with this. When I try to wrestle with the OCD, I don't get anywhere. I can't try to figure it out or engage. I just have to "swim parallel" to the shore that I want to be on. In this image, I would like to be fully functional going forward without my OCD fear. (I would like to be on the shore.) But when I swim parallel to that shore, even though I am in the waves and experiencing the OCD negative feelings, I'm still going in the correct direction. I still have to go to my son's sport events and make dinner and do dishes, even though the bad feelings are inside--and I can't engage certain parts of the OCD.

@Mk3 I really enjoy talking to people on this app. It's been a pleasure to talk with you !:):):):):)