i feel so confused my boyfriend and i have dated for 4 years off and on and now we finally have been together for six months again but its been so confusing im battling relationship ocd and i dont know if it just means im not supposed to be with him. we keep running into problems and he just thinks im bot happy with him, qhen he says that i cant discern, i just get confused. i pray to god but i just dont know
Might be helpful to view as both may be happening. You have normal relationship challenges AND relationship OCD. Challenges are usually grounded in observable issues like communication problems, etc. Relationship OCD tends to be about “do I really love them”, “what if there’s someone better out there for me” “what if I say something and they leave me” “how can I know for certain they won’t leave me”. Another big sign is when it brings those up when things are going well. Or overemphasizes the issues for its own OCD story. I don’t know if you’re partner knows you have OCD, but from my own experience it has been helpful to share what’s going on for me and ask them to be your teammate to keep healing. Meaning, they call out if you’re over sharing, if you’re seeking reassurance, etc. My response is a little all over the place, but in short there’s room for response prevention on the issues and room to work on the relationship issues themselves. The more you embrace the uncertainty and refuse to do compulsions around it the better YOU will get when it comes to your OCD.
@codyheart My issue right now surrounds the “numbness” topic or feeling flat towards him.
@77user02 That happens for me sometimes with my partner. How do I know that’s proof I don’t love my girlfriend? How do I know that it’s just the ebb to the flow of a relationship. I don’t. If I didn’t love her, I probably wouldn’t have the thought given I have OCD. And ocd attacks what you care about most. But bottom line is, I love her today I don’t have any certainty about the future. I hope it lasts a long time but there’s no guarantees I don’t know the future and so I don’t pay it any mind anymore.
@codyheart I just am so overwhelmed. I wanted to convince myself that my ocd was gone. I even tried telling myself ocd was fake, but now it’s hitting me again.
@codyheart And I’m not saying this like I’ve magically made it never occur again after leaving therapy. It occurs every single day. I just don’t have an issue with the thought being there majority of the time
@codyheart Right. The tricky part is where the feelings come in and then you’re stuck between wondering if now those thoughts and feelings combined mean something.
@77user02 I hear you. If you’re willing, I would recommend writing out a script about the issue, what you fear, what you think will happen and throw in some uncertainty, record it, and listen to it throughout the day. So your brain can hear it over and over. It’s ok if you only do a bit at a time. It’s really to teach your brain and body that you CAN have the emotion be present and not do a compulsion
@codyheart On the feelings coming in, at some point in my recovery I had to see that my feelings as bad as they were did not hold any truth about whatever subject. They’re just feelings. Some days I see that clearer than others.
@codyheart Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. This gives me some insight, and yes I will take your advice on that exposure.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
@slippery_salad It’s so hard because everyone says Jesus will not give you uncertainty. If you have uncertainty then you’re in the “wrong place”. That’s what I’ve heard
@77user02 Jesus does not give uncertainty but He allows it for the same reason God allows evil to exist: to bring out some greater good that maybe we can’t comprehend at this time. Maybe Christ is allowing this uncertainty in your relationship to refine it and reveal if the love between you and your partner is rooted in truth or just rooted in feeling. Maybe Christ is allowing the uncertainty to bring you back to Him for your strength and your love. Who knows haha. But I think its better if you go to Him with your worries rather than discern what He’s saying based off of what other people say
Every morning I wake up im always fixating on something and texting chat gpt, whether thats my relationship or my sexuality. I try so hard to resist it but I just can’t handle the uncertainty or the idea of hurting him or leading him on. We aren’t even official because in the past my rocd caused an issue between us where it led to him breaking up with me so now I have a fear of his intentions being ingenuine, especially because friends and family have called him a love bomber, saying he used me for attention, and narcissistic. This takes over me because I feel like I will never be able to be happy with him or trust myself or the relationship because of what other people say. I am very content on my own and single, this is the first relationship where i have experienced debilitating anxiety and doubt about the legitimacy of both of our feelings to the point where I cannot function. I’m trying so hard to not feed into it and not give it energy but I just hate the idea of leading him on or being inauthentic to what I truly want. My current therapist who I only see a couple times a month doesn’t think I have ocd, which makes me spiral and think I should end it with him, especially because I always hear things like “The right relationship will add to your life” and I feel the opposite is happening not directly because of him but because my brain takes over and paralyzes me with indecision about if i should be with him or not. I know that his intentions are genuine, but I hate that everyone is so cynical and assumes they’re not just because my rocd and his emotional baggage created a messy situation. From the moment i met him I convinced myself it was too good to be true and my therapist even said I was self-sabatoging. But i hate not knowing if it is rocd and my insurance doesn’t cover NOCD. He is so patient with me and supportive but I keep hearing things like “the honeymoon stage is supposed to last 3 months” and “it shouldn’t be this hard with the right person” “you’re not good for each other” and my friends tell me i didnt do anything wrong etc bc he did at first say my ocd didnt affect him when in reality that led to him ending it initially. But he has been more upfront with his emotions but then my mom and people will say “more to come” “there’s so much more out there” and its just so isolating not having that support and wondering if im too young to settle and if I’m just an idiot convincing myself I have rocd when really i just don’t want to be with him/it is a toxic relationship. When in reality the only reason it is toxic is because i am so sporadic about whether or not I want him in my life because of my distrust in myself and my decisions. I love him but I know love isn’t always enough and I get existential fixating on what’s “meant to be” and what’s “supposed to happen” its like this debilitating urge to control everything and make everything go perfectly how it is supposed to go. Please help i just want to make the right decision and stop paralyzing myself with doubt
I have grown up in a Christian community and kind of always been around people who believe Christianity or even catholic. In the past few years I’ve really dove deep into my faith and honestly felt good about myself sometimes but overall terrified and like I’m a horrible person if I do one thing wrong or make a wrong sin. I’m also not sure if I completely believe in all the traditional Christian practices anymore. But I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 5 months and everything is going great. We communicate and he’s so loving and respectful and I honestly don’t have any major issues In the relationship. I used to have a big fear of men starting when I was like 7 aboit my grandpa or my dad trying to rape me (even though they are good men and showed no real signs of it). But it ruined my relationship with them both for awhile til it eventually went away. I always told myself it was because the “spirit” of ocd was rebuked by Jesus but I honestly don’t know. Now I’m dealing with a more extosential or religious ocd where I’m terrified I’m a horrible person for being in a relationship and almost feel worse about myself if I get closer to God. I also feel like if I get too close to God then I have to choose between Him and my bf and I can’t have both. It’s driving me in San and I feel like if I tell anyone any of this they’ll tell me to just break up with my bf even though there isn’t anything wrong in our relationship. Idk what to do and it’s so draining
I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.
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