ROCD QUESTION

@Amara I don’t think he’s the n most attractive man I’ve ever seen but I’d say I am! And I think I can build off that in shifting my mind into valuing what I should value miss than valuing physical attraction as the most important favor so it’s hard for me to ignore it bc I’m like I wanna feel that spark etc and I get frustrated

@EmmaGrace27 That makes a lot of sense, and honestly, it’s really self-aware of you to notice the role your values play in this. The pressure to always feel “spark” or intense attraction can be overwhelming, especially when society puts so much emphasis on looks. But real connection often goes deeper than that — emotional safety, respect, support, and shared growth. It’s okay to want that spark, but also remember: attraction can evolve and deepen in more subtle ways over time. You noticing that and wanting to shift focus to what truly matters in a relationship shows a lot of maturity. ROCD often latches onto the idea of “perfect” feelings, but building love on shared values and emotional connection can bring a much steadier, lasting kind of attraction.

@Amara Yea that makes sense. Trying to appreciate his love for Jesus which we both share etc has helped a lot

@EmmaGrace27 You’ve got this really wishing you the best moving forward .

@Amara What about if I don’t look at him and get turned on? Sometimes I get a spark looking at other men which makes me think would I be more sexually attracted to them? But I love my partner. Sometimes I think I have a type I like my partner to be like but that’s unrealistic to find and most of the time we don’t get that or choose that because we can’t go out looking for a type or we’ll never find someone lol. However it does make me sad bc I’m Christian like I’m waiting until marriage so for me idk what sex will be like or my sexual desires other than k think they’re there but I don’t often get turned on

@EmmaGrace27 That makes so much sense, especially with ROCD it loves to focus on "what ifs" and “what’s missing.” Attraction isn’t a constant spark or a checklist of feelings. Even in the strongest relationships, physical desire can ebb and flow, especially if there’s pressure or anxiety around it. And it’s completely normal not to feel turned on every time you look at your partner or to find other people momentarily attractive. The OCD brain will latch onto that and turn it into a fear of "What if I’m with the wrong person?" But noticing others doesn’t mean you want them or don’t love your partner. Being Christian and waiting until marriage adds a whole layer too—there’s uncertainty about sex, your desires, and your body's response, which can make OCD even louder. That doesn’t mean anything is wrong. It just means your brain’s trying to find certainty about something that doesn’t have certainty yet. It’s okay to feel unsure. What matters most is that you care, and you’re showing up with honesty and heart. You don’t have to be perfectly certain to be in a good, meaningful relationship.

@Amara I don’t think I can ever have 100% certainty lol, however I also know I can’t have certainty in any sort of way until I get married about it

@EmmaGrace27 Totally get that no one ever really has full certainty, and that’s okay. that’s just part of being human. What matters is choosing someone you respect, love, and feel safe with, even through the uncertainty. I think it’s great that you’re aware of this and honest about it. That kind of mindset can really help you stay grounded, especially when OCD tries to make you chase certainty. You’ve got this!

@Amara I think we’ll be ok! :)

@Amara What if I never get those turned on feelings when I look at him? How do I know if I’m turned on? I feel like I never do

@EmmaGrace27 it totally makes sense you’re unsure right now. ROCD loves to stir up doubt, especially when you can’t 'test' anything yet. But real love isn’t always about sparks or sexual pull right away. Attraction can grow from trust, care, and emotional closeness not just chemistry. It’s totally possible to love someone deeply and still feel unsure about being turned on. 'Turned on' isn’t always a dramatic feeling. It can be subtle, emotional, or even missing when anxiety is high. Your brain might be too busy analyzing to let your body just feel. And that’s okay. You won’t stay stuck here forever your feelings can change, especially in a safe and loving relationship. Give yourself time. Your body will catch up when it feels safe enough.

@Amara Thank you your very patient with me

@EmmaGrace27 Anytime! You're doing great, and I’m happy to help however I can 😊 My theme is contamination OCD, but I totally get how all types run on fear and doubt. It’s the same cycle just with different content.