[Deleted]
- Date posted
- 1y
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 1y
"Would OCD target those imperfections and exploit this situation?" Yes, it absolutely would. And it's entirely possible this coworker is so attractive and so great... but even if that's true, you choose your actions and it sounds like your values aren't in alignment with cheating on your partner. The toughest part of treating OCD is learning to allow for uncertainty. OCD, by its nature, wants you to have certainty that you'd never cheat or violate your moral code. But the more you do things to feel better about this worry, the more your mind comes to believe that you're SUPPOSED to do things to feel better about this worry. ERP therapy is a great way to learn how to respond to these thoughts differently, so that you don't end up adding more fuel to the fire. I'll never say ERP is easy, but I can promise you that it's worth it.
AnceNOCDAnceNOCD
- Date posted
- 1y
@Daniel Kasper-MacMillan I’m dealing with these thoughts too. My girlfriend has no thoughts no attraction to anybody else and is all for me and i just wanna feel in love and all in too. Everytime my mind sees a girl and my mind says she’s attractive or it likes it i get depressed and hopeless. I want to be all for my girl and believe she’s the most attractive to me in my heart and the only one that I find attractive in my heart regardless of what my mind says, i can’t but help the fact that when a girl pops up my mind is constantly doing it and than i just get disconnected i wanna just notice people as people and be in love with my girl when i look at her feel all melty in my heart again like she’s the only thing that exists and i’m only attracted to her in my heart ANY HELP it’s killing me
mcocdmcocd
- Date posted
- 1y
I do the same thing! It flared up a lot when I got engaged and wanted the thoughts gone because I really felt disloyal. The biggest thing has been acceptance. Attraction is normal, seeing people that maybe you’d date in another life is normal, but comparison is the thief of joy. Grass is always greener on the other side and jumping from person to person is a life of unhappiness. Enjoy what you have, love your partner. Avoid the what ifs and just know that they have aspects that remind you of your partner, and that’s why your mind deflects some of those feelings. Diving into it just makes it worse.
mcocdmcocd
- Date posted
- 1y
@iLikeDaniel I’d argue that is an unrealistic expectation and impossible. I used to hold myself to the same value and that’s why it made me spiral. You can’t feel guilty for a natural human response. Unfortunately our minds don’t just stop looking for potential people due to our human natural urges even if we are committed. This is why people cheat, is because they act on these thoughts. Without these urges, people wouldn’t be tempted to leave relationships. The commitment and loyalty piece of it comes from understanding we can’t control them and not acting on them. I always recommend anyone with little “workplace crushes” or attraction to keep it to only workplace discussion. One of my friends always calls it “window shopping” LOL. We can’t help what we see, but we can control what we do :)
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