I have an identity-related OCD problem and I also have autism. I’ve been frightened and frustrated all this week because of the concept of masking, and the idea that my OCD theme is true because of masking, meaning that something will happen to me that will ruin my life if I unmask. It’s been causing me severe distress, and I’m frightened that therapy will not help me heal. I’m scared of losing my family and close friends
I have cooccurring ADHD and OCD (still waiting to be tested for autism but it’s suspected). I had a lot of these same thoughts and fears before starting therapy. I felt as if I didn’t “deserve” therapy or worried that starting may someone throw me off of the path I was meant to be on - both of these fears were rooted in my OCD. I can honestly say that starting therapy has been the best decision I’ve made in years. It isn’t always fun or easy but it hasn’t been as difficult as I expected either.
Hi friend. I too really struggle with masking and having thoughts that if i unmask I will lose everyone. I usually don’t give reassurance but I know this is a really tricky topic since it’s overlapping with autism. I have been doing it at a snail’s pace to make myself more comfortable. Also realizing that we do not have to unmask at any certain situation if we don’t want to or if we don’t feel safe enough to. And it’s not immoral to mask and you are not some gremlin either for unmasking. You are you and you are a wonderful complex being. Some people have no choice to mask to protect themselves. And some don’t have a choice to mask at all because who they are is just that. Having autism and OCD is really tricky. We have such sticky brains it feels so much harder to get out of the loop. I really advice to find a therapist that either works with autistic people/adults, is autistic themselves, or works with combo autistic and ocd folks. I have an autistic therapist and they have changed my life for the better. And remember, a part of love and friendship is acceptance. It won’t be perfect, in fact it will be super clunky, awkward, heck for me I was angry! but eventually people around you will accept you for you and you will find your tribe. I was scared my friends of 10+ years would leave me. They haven’t. They still love me. Our relationship may have changed a bit because I am less of a people pleaser but its for the better. I sincerely wish you well and hope that this helped in some way 💛
I have ADHD as well. I’ve been unmedicated my whole life and…unmasking is a scary, scary thing. My obsession has been going on and off for over a year and a half.
I’m not sure if my therapist is autistic or has worked with autism before which adds to the fear.
However when making the appointment I mentioned my joint diagnosis
I’m afraid that going through therapy will make my obsession come true.
My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.
OCD can be an incredibly lonely experience, especially when people around you don’t understand the thoughts and fears you’re facing. But you’re not alone—others have been there too. What’s something about OCD that makes you feel isolated or alone?
I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…
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