This is confusing 18+ only

So I know for a fact that I'm not ready for relationships. It's just not something I feel like I can do due to insecurities, self confidence, anxiety, and self esteem getting in the way of that. It's something that's always on my mind due to fomo and societal norms. I know I would like one but I haven't found any other reasons beyond the biological want. There's a woman that I really do like spending time with and I kept thinking of trying to chat with her more just as a friend to hang out and just get to know her more. Everytime I've seen her it's been a great time and we get along really well. We click on a lot of things and have big interests in common. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of her as a romantic partner but I just know that's not something I can do. Is it disingenuous to try and be friends with her despite having this on my mind time and time again? This is the one thing I could never find myself getting over.

120

Date posted: Yesterday

I don’t think it’s inherently disingenuous to try to be friends since it sounds like a friendship with her is something you would like to have for its own sake. It is worth reconsidering though if any romantic thoughts/feelings become a source of conflict in the relationship or significant emotional distress. I would try to be aware of your own feelings and try to avoid putting yourself in any situation where a relationship becomes something you don’t think your ready for.

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

I think I'm just going to be distant about it. Something I've told myself lately is that if I think back and forth about something that leaves me uncertain and I feel I may want that, I likely do want it. In this case, I think it may be something I would want but of course not to rush into things. I'm just not gonna give it a go and keep trying to improve myself. It really does help to get a second opinion about all of this, so thanks for your comment

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

Thanks for all of your comments. It really does help to get a second opinion on this.

@sophiaevidal

Date posted: Yesterday

If you think that it would cause conflict or confusion in the relationship then maybe it is disingenuous.

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

It causes confusion and I'm very worried about hurting someone else because of my uncertain feelings, so maybe it is disingenuous. I'll just stick to working on myself before bringing that kind of stuff in my life for sure. Last thing I would want to do is hurt her

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: Yesterday

No, I do not think it’s disingenuous at all. Wanting someone to be in your life, whether as a friend or something more, is still a genuine and meaningful desire. You clearly value her presence, and that matters. Just because romantic feelings exist does not mean a friendship is fake or dishonest. It sounds like what you truly want right now is connection, and that can absolutely exist in the form of friendship. Enjoying spending time with someone is reason enough to want a friendship. But addressing that connection you feel with her, it’s worth nurturing, even platonically. Wanting a connection with someone and respecting your own boundaries is not misleading. You are not pretending to be her friend just to get something out of it. You are showing up honestly with where you are at, and there is nothing fake about that.

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

I hear everything you're saying and I do agree, but I just think I'm going to sit it out and not try anything because I just don't have that confidence or certainty that it won't give me distress. I think it would and I don't want to act on feelings in the moment if they get that intense. We are friends, but we don't talk all the time, and as much as it would be nice to talk more, I just think it's safer that I don't try to pursue anything because of that lack of confidence and even trust in myself that I can handle those thoughts and feelings.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: Yesterday

@BigGyro09 I also want to gently say that sometimes OCD can make us doubt ourselves so much that we stop trusting our ability to handle uncertainty or emotions. Wanting 100% confidence or clarity before doing something is a really common thing for us as I’m sure you know. But, you are not doing anything wrong by choosing space. You are allowed to take care of yourself.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: Yesterday

@BigGyro09 Btw you remind me of my friend, he also has issues with things like this and OCD. We’re also all the same age lol I’m here whenever :)

BigGyro09

Date posted: Yesterday

@issphra 🫶🏻 Yeah that also helps! Talking to others about this with someone in the same age group or the same age matters to me because it's just nice to have. Well, do you have any advice for self comparisons? That's the worst for me. Everytime I feel like I have something to be proud of, which in reality is a lot of things just like it is for other people, it gets overshadowed by someone doing something else or doing it better than I can. I hate it

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w

Pls I need advice

I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now

LiaExe28

Date posted: 22w

Pats crush groinal response

Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off

Mariabae

Date posted: 11w

please read

Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

This is confusing 18+ only

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community