I am in an endless battle to figure things out. I think I figure something out that makes me feel better about my thoughts and then I find something else to prove it wrong and the cycle continues. I have so much discomfort I want to confess to my partner so bad. How do I handle this. I don’t think I’ve ever sat in this much discomfort. Why does it feel THIS BAD.
Whatever you figure out that makes you feel better is a compulsion! Gotta stop trying to figure it out, even though it works temporarily.
@OutstandingCutieDisorder Yeah. There’s a lot of things that I know about OCD after being educated about it. And I think I used some of those things to make me feel better overall. But it never stopped at that. I’m always trying to prove it wrong and something new comes up that I try to figure out in order to feel better. Sitting in the full discomfort of all of these different ideas is overwhelming to say the least. But I guess that’s what I’m supposed to do? And not give into the compulsions that come my way during. Lol
@Mk3 Yep exactly. It’s hard to let the FULL fear sit; I also try to do mini compulsions to make it a little less true lol. Sometimes I just treat it as an experiment; what would it feel like if I sat here and accepted the fear as true for a minute? And then I let the dread wash over me and just try to feel what it feels like neutrally. Somehow treating it like an experiment or exploration helps me sometimes.
@OutstandingCutieDisorder It’s just crazy how ocd can make us feel this bad! Hate it
@Mk3 It sucks! I thought I would never get better but I kept practicing my ERPs and lots of repetition which lead to results. Don't give up!
@Piggy23 I’m trying!!! I’m gunna sit in the nauseating discomfort and get through this (while not doing compulsions). The worst part is it feels like something I’m just guilty of. Not something I should be able to get better from
@Mk3 That’s totally how it feels. You’re doing it right
@OutstandingCutieDisorder Yes! And then when my partner triggers me. Sometimes he basically says what I’m fearful of or whatever as a joke. I guess I should also sit in that discomfort I get from that instead of spiraling over it!? Same thing for various feelings too I guess? Of course it’s not only thoughts it’s feelings too And ultimately by not engaging , we sit in the discomfort
@Mk3 Yep sit with all of it. Let yourself feel the dread of accepting uncertainty. It will feel truly horrible!
@OutstandingCutieDisorder Yes it definitely does! I keep reminding myself just because I think negative things about my partner often doesn’t mean I think them overall . (About his looks) But then again I sit In the discomfort of not knowing.
@OutstandingCutieDisorder Every-time my thoughts come it feels bad ALL OVER AGAIN. I’m trying to be strong and sit with it. You’re right it feels terrible sitting with the uncertainty and your fears may being true
@Mk3 You got this!! I relate to that, it comes in waves and the realization hits you all over again
@OutstandingCutieDisorder Yes. It’s so hard. There’s so many little things floating around in my head I want to figure out relating to my thoughts about my partner. So many questions. I’m not engaging and not doing these compulsions! Even when my brain tries to tell me reasons I should confess. Nope. That’s a tough one like maybe I’d want to know if I were him. No brain STOP! No compulsions lol I’m literally doubting if my confessing is a compulsion. I hate this
Good morning. Anyone struggle with ROCD? When I think about what I have done in the past, I feel immense guilty (I feel the tightness in my chest) and have the urge to tell my partner about it, even if my partner says she doesn’t need to know if it is going to hurt her and that I need to talk to my therapist about it first. Any suggestions on how to manage the urge/urgency? Thanks!
feel like I’ve been stuck in this ROCD cycle for so long that I don’t even know what’s real anymore. Everything feels so heavy and confusing. I keep having thoughts like “I don’t love him,” “I never really did,” “I’m just used to him,” or “I’m staying out of guilt or fear.” They come with a strong emotional pull that makes it feel like I’m finally facing some ‘truth’ — but I don’t even know what that truth is. Even when things are going well with my boyfriend — when he’s loving, caring, affectionate — I still feel disconnected, like I can’t feel love or calmness. And then I feel guilty for not feeling what I think I should feel. I overthink everything: memories, how I used to feel, how I feel now, what I might feel tomorrow. I can’t tell if I’m just scared to lose him or if I’m trying to force something that isn’t there. I’ve read so much about ROCD and I know I’m supposed to sit with the thoughts and let them pass, but sometimes they feel so real that I don’t know how to keep going. Sometimes I even feel numb and that scares me too — like if I don’t react with panic, it must be true. I just want peace. I want clarity. I want to stop analyzing and doubting every moment. Has anyone else felt this way? How do you sit with this and not spiral? Thank you so much for reading. 💔
Lately my ROCD has been flaring up, making it difficult to even be around my partner. I’m having so many troubling thoughts with the one that bugs me most being, “maybe this isn’t my OCD, maybe I’m just in a bad relationship and I’m trying to cover it up and blame it on OCD”. This thought really scares me because there are valid doubts in my relationship but my boyfriend and I have openly talked about them and are trying to work through. My OCD won’t take that as an option tho. It makes me feel like I need to be 100% certain that these things can NEVER happen again or else we need to break up immediately. So anything he says in that moment about trying to do better, my OCD will not trust anything he says and just wait until the next “bad thing” happens. When I continuously bring these things up to my boyfriend even tho nothing has happened between these conversations, it exhausts him making it feel like he can never do enough. I feel so bad because I know it’s just my OCD getting in the way. But then that thought creeps in saying I can’t trust him because I need to protect myself. It’s just an ongoing cycle that is so tiring. I don’t even know what I want anymore. We are very opposite when it comes to emotions. I am very in tune and very emotionally intelligent, and he is not. He is the opposite. I do recognize that my anxious attachment style may be hard for him too but I can’t stop thinking about all of his flaws and all of the things he needs to do to make our relationship better. It makes me feel like I’m the only one putting in effort when in reality that is not true. But my OCD does make me feel like he doesn’t really love me or want to be with me and that he feels forced to be with me or do things for me. It makes me feel like him being with me is like a chore. Can anyone relate? My OCD just makes me feel like I can’t trust anything he says to make our relationship better.
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