I have recently had a fall out with my partner about my paranoia .. she is struggling with her mental health as well as looking after her autistic daughter.. what can I do to make her want to stay
There was a study done that revealed being a parent of an autistic child ( depending on what level but especially level 3) is equivalent to the daily stress that a soldier feels being in battle. Imagine having that type of elevated stress everyday. Just something to think about. She likely needs some extra support so definitely keep in mind.
I didn't realise it was that bad... yeh I need to support her
@Anonymous It’s likely the reason why she wants to be closer to her family to get extra support with her daughter .
@Anonymous Yeh I think it is that...im really trying ive wrote her a letter thus morning trying to explain how much her and our family means to us and not to let us all separate
I feel for you. That sounds really tough. It’s clear you care a lot and want to make things right. Maybe right now it’s not about making her stay, but giving her space to want to. She’s going through a lot with her own mental health and caring for her daughter. Let her know you’re there for her without pressure. At the same time, take care of yourself too. Working through your own stuff will help no matter what happens. You’re not alone. I’m here for you❤️
I'm sorry to hear :( We can't force anyone to stay or want to be with us. They will decide that on their own, even if we wish so desperately for them to be with us always. But the only thing we can do is that we can help the situation by showing kindness and being understanding of our partner's needs & seeing their point of view during disagreements. Even getting educated on your partner's mental health and her daughter's- can help you to try to accomodate them in healthy ways
Ive offered to go with her to SEN groups to learn about her daughters condition and understand so I can be more supportive... im doing my best to support her now .maybe it's to late... I really am trying and it's killing me... I haven't eaten or slept since Monday I feel so ill and drained and I cant cope with this feeling and all I want is to make everything better... I love her and the kids so much. I would of ended myself if it wasnt for my little boy living with me full time
@Anonymous That is so kind of you to offer support and try to be there for them. That is an amazing act of care and kindness ❤️ Proud of you for doing that!! :) There’s something else you mentioned that I wanna touch on. Our romantic partners are so important to us. Their families are as well once we also become bonded to them. It’s difficult 100%, but a breakup should not drive someone to kill themselves. People break up all the time and everyone needs to be able to handle that. Our lives shouldn’t depend on our romantic partner. You were born into this world without her and you lived your own life many years before you met her. So you are capable of being single! You will also still have a life after her, god forbid the breakup comes to reality 🙏 I sense that there is something deeper lacking in your lacking to make you feel that way. It sounds like you made this relationship too much of the sole focus of your life. Our lives should be whole on their own and our romantic partners are supposed to be a great addition to it. They are a piece of our lives- not the whole. Maybe you need to make more friends to lean on. Lean on family too if you are able to- spend more time bonding with your son ❤️🩹 Find hobbies (indoors or outdoors) that can distract you and bring you joy. Make a list of goals: traveling the world, excelling in your job and making money, buying a house, going to amusement parks, trying new delicious foods, etc. Buy a cute Labrador retriever puppy for extra company, even! 😄 You also have a son to love for like you said. He needs his dad. His life would be broken apart if you hurt yourself. Don’t let a breakup do that to you. I know how much you care about this person but if you break up, you can heal and be okay on your own first and then you can find another partner after (if you would like). There are 8 billion people in this world :) You have another chance to find the one for you, if anything goes wrong. (Btw I really really do wish for you and your partner to stay together. I would be so happy for that. Im happy that you’re trying your best to support your partner and her child. I’m only writing this for the sole reason of giving you advice that no breakup should be life-ending. I want you to gain your own confidence)
If I give her the space to miss me do you think she will come back... she says she needs to be closer to her family. But we can reconnect wen shes settled.. that gives me dread and hope because of her moving further away from me but maybe there's a light... ive suggested we go for a day out and chat so we can atleast end on a good note to make things easier at the other end... do you think that was wise
Recently she has told me she will be calling a lot less and stuff, this bothers me because well I’m scared, as I’m writing this I sent messages from 1pm to 7pm and tried calling her, no reply or anything, as a man it’s not good to be left alone with my mind, I’ve had “those” thoughts because of everything else going on, I told her how I felt and she said she’s sorry but she’s uncomfortable calling a lot, granted I’ve been doing good not calling her but when I really need her or call her she doesn’t pick up, this entire situation has screwed me up, it doesn’t help I have a overthinking problem, I’m scared to lose her, I’m scared to share my feelings fully without it being a burden or emotionally wearing her down, well that’s life, god do I hate it.
Me and my significant other have been dating for a while now we are both in the military and we both went to a remote location ever sense we have been here I’ve been so insecure we with each other 24/7 back home and it’s not the same here now I constantly nick pick at her about other guys. If I see her look at a guy too long or if I see her laugh with them anything involving someone else that is male I get super uncomfortable and almost even jealous that someone else has her attention she talked to me yesterday night and said she’s been having thought of being on her own and leaving me which honestly broke me we are still togather but I guess she wants her space so we are not spending much time together or talking much I guess pretty much a "break" I know she’s not the type to go around a mess with another person she truly wants to find herself again and see if she truly wants to be with me I guess and I have to admit i was in the wrong for sure I would be controlling in ways and was someone I didn’t wanna be and always on defense mode for any person talking to her that was a guy. And now it caused her to want a “break from me I talked to my mom because moms are always right ? And she told me I was definitely in the wrong no one wants to be with someone who is controlling and insecure etc my mom pretty much told me she was her own person before our relationship and it’s come to trust at the end of the day and that I can’t control the narrative I just need other opinions on what to do to help save us and my self
For some time i was obsessing over relationship with my girlfriend. For a long time we we're each other's best friends and we only had each other. Recently she made a good friend in work and im obviously really happy for her because she deserves to be loved by more people than me. But i started to feel really jealous. I never thought she can cheat on me i just have really low self esteem and i started to obsess over if she is still in love with me or if she is still attracted to me bc she sometimes would be more interested to spend time with that friend and not me. We talked about it a lot and i tried my best to not be jealous and give her space but i felt how she's distancing from me. At some point she stopped showing me her love in any way. She stopped hugging me and kissing me and she kinda stop telling me she loves me. She only responded "me too" when i told her i love her. I talked about it with her few times and she always said she understands and that she's tired and don't really need physical touch etc. But i was still worrying bc i just knew something is off. She really was acting different. And then few days ago she told me she's actually tired not because of job but me. She feels irritated by me and she don't know why and that she actually thought about breaking up with me and she don't know what to do because she's confused about her own feelings. She said she thinks she still loves me but it's hard for her to see a difference between friendship and love and that she feels tired of concept of dating someone. She said we should wait and see bc she thinks she still loves me but i don't know if that's honest. I don't know what to do anymore im crying all the time every day since that conversation we had. I feel like my worst nightmare just came true and now it's real and not only a though in my head. I can't do anything and i feel like it's the end of the world. We're living together and i don't want to go back to my parents but that's not the worst thing. I just love her so much and i can't hande thought of loosing her. My ocd made me question every single thing about me but somehow i never questioned my love for her so that's why I'm so emotional about it. I don't want to lose her. I don't know what to do i just want to be loved but I don't want anyone else. I don't know what to do im so scared. I want to die every time i look at her with love in my heart and i know she doesn't think about me like that anymore.
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