EmmaGrace27
- Date posted
- 7w
“What if” thoughts
Does anyone get “what if I don’t wanna be with my partner and I wanna be with someone else but I don’t wanna get hurt so I won’t break up? “ wouldn’t I know? I’ would’ve done it by now
alan87alan87
- Date posted
- 7w
100%. I’ve been married for 5 years and I always have these. Sometimes she’ll do something I don’t like or am not in the mood for and my mind will automatically think of the worst case scenario.
EmmaGrace27EmmaGrace27
- Date posted
- 7w
@alan87 My therapist asked me if I saw a guy who was cuter and had the same qualities if I had the chance would I rather be with them and I feel like … I don’t know maybe? It hasn’t happened yet I’m reallt scared
EmmaGrace27EmmaGrace27
- Date posted
- 7w
@alan87 Like how does one stay committed and still get attracted to other people when they see them?
EmmaGrace27EmmaGrace27
- Date posted
- 7w
@alan87 I am Christian so for me I don’t wanna value looks over something else. I want to value everything else, I don’t know what my reaction would be if I felt attraction to someone other than my boyfriend
alan87alan87
- Date posted
- 7w
@EmmaGrace27 I absolutely relate to this. That is the thing, have the thoughts or feelings of attraction or seeing someone cute, etc are fine so long as you don’t take action on the thoughts. I am Christian as well. The feelings of attraction and looking at other women gives me guilt which I ruminate over and anxiety of feeling needing to confess.
EmmaGrace27EmmaGrace27
- Date posted
- 7w
@alan87 I feel bad if I saw a guy who was cute and had the same qualities, and I found him attractive what do I do with that? What if I start to think what if I’d like him more than my boyfriend? But I only want to be with him and grow off that. Deny it ?
EmmaGrace27EmmaGrace27
- Date posted
- 7w
@alan87 It makes me feel like I should end things now if that’ll be my reaction
EmmaGrace27EmmaGrace27
- Date posted
- 7w
@alan87 It feels like if I see someone very attractive that if I feel some sort of attraction pull that I wanna act on it
alan87alan87
- Date posted
- 7w
@EmmaGrace27 The anxiety and uncertainty of OCD is the part we need to learn to sit with and just let be. As for love, I am learning that love is a choice. Jesus chose to love, he didn’t have to or need to love us. Now of course that is God’s very nature, but he loves unconditionally. Also, the ‘what if’ questions can’t be answered. Focus on being in the present and the here and now with them.
EmmaGrace27EmmaGrace27
- Date posted
- 7w
@alan87 That is true I don’t know my reaction. I’m very reserved and into event myself sort of from for in others attractive and it makes me think I’m masking what I reallt want lol. Like if I see a super cute guy I put a mental guard up out of fear for catching feelings
alan87alan87
- Date posted
- 7w
@EmmaGrace27 One thing I have been working on in my therapy (individual therapy, not NOCD) is values. What are my values? I thought I valued looks over anything, but as you get older, you know/learn what is important.
EmmaGrace27EmmaGrace27
- Date posted
- 7w
@alan87 Right I’m just sticking to it I’m committed to him I don’t care
EmmaGrace27EmmaGrace27
- Date posted
- 7w
@alan87 How do you feel giddy towards your partner ? I feel bad bc I don’t find him super physically attractive but I wand this to grow and I wanna feel head over heels for him. Can this be done?
alan87alan87
- Date posted
- 7w
@EmmaGrace27 I can tell you that I never felt giddy for my wife. To this day I don’t get a giddy feeling. I just feel happy when I do things that make her happy. I chose her as a partner because we are good together. She has qualities that I myself don’t have. We live life together in a healthy way. We don’t always agree on things, but ultimately we have each other’s best interest at heart. She is my best friend. Our wedding day she looked gorgeous. Granted we have put on some weight these years since, but I know her at her best and at her “worst” which still isn’t bad. And every cute girl I see isn’t necessarily going to be interested in me. I have someone who is and said ‘yes’ to me. That’s a win in my book.
EmmaGrace27EmmaGrace27
- Date posted
- 7w
@alan87 I feel bad when he’s giddy when he looks at me sometimes I also think it’s reflecting in gratefulness towards him and in what I love and choosing to love and it’ll grow I think. Like I think my attraction to him in all ways will grow if I choose to love
EmmaGrace27EmmaGrace27
- Date posted
- 7w
@alan87 that’s what I’m learning is to do things that make him happy and it’ll eventually rub off on me and make me happier because hes happy
alan87alan87
- Date posted
- 7w
@EmmaGrace27 That’s good. God knows what’s in our hearts regardless of our thoughts :)
JordTheNordJordTheNord
- Date posted
- 7w
You’re very brave/strong for combating these kind of thoughts/feelings and definitely very wise to ask these kind of questions about life. Wisdom begins in wonder
Reilly A.Reilly A.
- Date posted
- 7w
Although I don't get what if thoughts about a relationship, I can definitely relate to other forms of what if thoughts. It definitely lies within the uncertainty and unpredictability in both the situation and future scenarios. I've even began to fear a future relationship due to this. It is totally normal to fine others attractive while in a relationship with someone else and the difference lies in acting on these emotions while still in a relationship with someone else. You seem like you don't want to go through a breakup and feel genuinely connected to your partner and I wish nothing but the best for you in the future.
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- Date posted
- 24w
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Mariabae
- Date posted
- 13w
im scared
my thoughts are screaming at me telling me that i dont want my relationship anymore and that i realized i lost feelings. i have a beautiful relationship of two years with a beautiful boy that loves me dearly and i deal with this thoughs for a year and a half. Im so scared it feels so real im scared i have changed and my last therapy session made it worse she basically told me i have to realise the thoughts are true and stop lying to myself. And made me think i am so scared and heartbroken bc i put high expectations on myslef to be with my boyfriend for all my life. Maybe i dont want to hurt him??? im always questioning my feelings for him 24/7 for over a year. I wm tierd
user36373738
- Date posted
- 10w
I’m really struggling
My brain keeps comparing how I felt then with the same thoughts to now and how it is diff now to prove it had changed. I’m feeling like I know it isn’t right and that maybe I’d pair better and I want to be with someone who is good for me but I also don’t want to break up and can’t tell if that’s the ocd using his faults against me. I feel like if I were to tell someone I have no feelings at all for him anymore I’d know I’d be lying and doesn’t feel right but when I say the opposite it doesn’t feel right either. I’m also worried that this time it is real and it’s the guilt of not telling him that’s making the ocd worse not that it’s just ROCD. My thoughts are also saying so many diff things I’m confused. It feels like I can’t connect to him anymore or like I don’t have empathy which scares me cause I know I did before and I felt it but is it just that I’m frustrated w some of the issues? But it’s upsetting it feels like I don’t have the endearing feelings and love I felt and I want it to come back but then I also think I don’t cause then it will prevent be from seeing what else is out there And the thing is looking back on how it was I feel like I could def see how that was ocd but this is different… and like I at least felt I knew I loved him or wanted to be with him and i had thoughts of wanting to be with someone who this or someone who this but I didn’t actually want it and now it feels like this time I rly do mean it like I want to find better qualities but I still don’t wanna move on from him and my brain is like wel that’s how everyone feels when they breakup regardless…it rly doesn’t feel like ocd anymore 😭 and my thoughts keep saying if you don’t you don’t like this or that and it most likely won’t change cause you have been with him so long why are you with him and then I feel guilty like I need to tell him
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