hocd

I feel like I'm lying to myself, like I just don't accept that I'm gay, I don't want to be gay, I don't want to feel any kind of attraction anymore, I want to go to a psychologist to find out if I really have hocd or if it's just an excuse, because it feels like I really am gay, but nothing was authentic, it all started with thoughts that made me panic extremely hard and I felt like crying and I had delusions, I don't understand why this is happening to me, I didn't like any boys before the thoughts appeared, but exactly one day after they appeared, all the boys were attractive, of all ages, I want to recover :( I'm only 17 years old, for about 2 months I've been having thoughts, I don't know what to do, I can't go to a psychologist, I need help :(

cae.luh

Date posted: 24w

hey, i have almost the exact opposite issue if that helps you feel less alone! i’m bisexual, but have spent 10 years being worried that i’m faking my attraction to women/wondering how i can be “sure” who i was truly attracted to/etc. in my experience, i genuinely did fall HARD for one of my female best friends at age 13. when i imagine myself in a relationship with a woman, the idea of physical touch/kissing/etc. only makes me nervous due to lack of experience versus a lack of desire/attraction. i hope that you feel a little less alone!! if you truly are part of the lgbtq community, please know that there is nothing wrong with that! ❤️

youllwintheb...

Date posted: 24w

thank you, and I totally understand the idea, but I was not attracted to boys in that sense at all, I have never liked a boy since I can remember, it all started after thoughts that gave me panic, stress and many other things that kept me in a continuous depression for 1 week, I have a girlfriend and I love her very much, I have absolutely no desire to be with boys, but thank you very much for the advice!

cae.luh

Date posted: 24w

@youllwinthebattle of course!! i am very obviously not an expert, but as someone who has experienced a genuine same-sex attraction it sounds more like HOCD to me. it’s incredibly difficult and frustrating to deal with obsessions that are so closely linked to your sense of self, i really hope you’re able to make sense of things!

youllwintheb...

Date posted: 24w

@cae.luh thank u so much!!!❤️

MZ100

Date posted: 24w

Take it easy on yourself. I was in the same boat. You just need to sit with these intrusive thoughts and not act on them. The more you just sit with them and let them be in the background, the less they will affect you. The more you think and react to them, the more power they will have over you. If you were gay, you wouldn’t be upset about being gay. You’d welcome it. Thoughts are thoughts. Going about your day and make the decisions that you’d make if it was the best day of your life. You’ll be okay man! Watch a Ted talk on HOCD too!

MZ100

Date posted: 24w

@MZ100 I struggled with this when I was your age. I finally sought out therapy 7 years later. I didn’t have fun at my dream college because I was ashamed of myself. If Ted talks don’t do the trick. Id seek out a therapist that specializes in ERP for OCD. All I can say is don’t feed the thoughts. Don’t react to them. Don’t perform a compulsion (watching porn, looking at men in class to see if you feel anything) you just need to continue on with your life and do the best you can. When you suffer with HOCD, you really do feel gay. If you try to see if you have a groin reaction to looking at a man, you will, bc your brain knows you are looking for one. It will be an anxiety induced reaction. Force yourself to do things you enjoy and hang around people you love. If you don’t get better in time seek out a therapist. Time is money, I will never be 17 again and I will never get to go back in time and enjoy my college experience. However, you still have time tho.

MZ100

Date posted: 24w

@MZ100 Thoughts and feelings aren’t facts. Remember that. Just cuz you think and feel something doesn’t mean it’s true.

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