Can I get some tips on how to not seek reassurance I have HOCD and had it for three years now unfortunatly. I’ll have times where it’s not as bad then I’ll get a spike again and I rlly need to put an end to this but I can’t seem to stop seeking reassurance I’ll go thru phases where I’ll stop seeking for a while but then I’ll always come back. Tips would be appreciated
I have a similar story I think you can relate too. Been struggling with HOCD or SOOCD for about 8 years. I had a thought about being gay when I was 17 and I watched gay porn to check. When I got aroused, I freaked out. My whole life I didn’t know what profession I’d like to work in, but I always knew I wanted a wife and kids. I kept on checking for a groinal response to prom thru the years or just random men in public. I’ve been on dates with women since, but would feel like I’m living a lie. I find it hard to forgive myself for the porn I have watched and still watch as I am addicted. I’m going into my 3rd session with a NOCD affiliated therapist. I’m just interested in hearing people’s success stories. I want to fall in love, but I feel discouraged.
Take it easy on yourself. I was in the same boat. You just need to sit with these intrusive thoughts and not act on them. The more you just sit with them and let them be in the background, the less they will affect you. The more you think and react to them, the more power they will have over you. If you were gay, you wouldn’t be upset about being gay. You’d welcome it. Thoughts are thoughts. Going about your day and make the decisions that you’d make if it was the best day of your life. You’ll be okay man! Watch a Ted talk on HOCD too!
Great message thanks for the response! I got the first thought when I was 18 cuz my friend made a stupid joke and I was high and I been struggling since then. Had times where it was more in the backround but when it flares up it flares. It’s sometimes even more triggering now with my new gf cuz I’m constantly monitoring my groin. It’s been a long three years for me I can’t even imagine 8 years I’m sorry to hear that. Is this your first time getting help for it? I so badly just want my life back
@Glassbox74743 Unfortunately I’ve been to two therapists before I found my new one. My last two were great people but they claimed to be able to treat OCD, but used talk therapy, which we know isn’t effective for OCD. So now I’m on my 3rd and it’s going pretty well. She specializes in OCD and uses ERP. If I could go back in time I woulda swallowed my pride and gone sooner. I missed so many opportunities bc I felt ashamed of myself.
A tip my therapist told me today: I used to think that I had to act and do all these things to control my OCD. The key is actually to let go of control. If you get a bad obsession you say maybe I am (obsession) maybe I’m not (obsession). “Yes that thought gives me anxiety, I’m gonna handle the distress and move on. “ You just need to live with the uncertainty for now, but when these obsession stop bothering you over time you will have your answer. Hope this helps.
I struggle with HOCD or SOOCD. I’m a married young woman to an amazing husband. I’ve had this since I was 16 but it only came in flair ups. However this round started in October, and it’s been really rough and I would just break down all the time. I went up on my medication and I actually noticed a difference! My thoughts were still very present but I wasn’t really paying attention to them or giving them power. HOWEVER right when I thought I was getting better, my brain started feeling and saying to myself that I just know I am bi but you want to make excuses for it like “oh it’s normal to find someone hot since we as a society have an interpretation of what that looks like” or “I see the girl as myself and that’s what ‘turns’ me on” or “well I mean that girl looks kind of like a man” and it’s it’s making me spiral. I won’t ever come out as Bi as deep in my soul I don’t feel I am. I have always wanted to be with men sexually and romantically and that has not changed but my brain is making me believe I am and I just don’t want to admit it. Please help me, what has helped you?
I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.
I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
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