Pregnancy exacerbating OCD

I'm roughly 2 months pregnant and I'm struggling so bad with OCD (specifically surrounding psychosis/postpartum psychosis, postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, etc). I'm so discouraged because I was sub-clinical for over a year and this pregnancy and the hormones are undoing all of my progress. And it actually seems so much harder than BEFORE when I was at a low point. It feels like the hormones are ruining my brain and making me lose my mind. I keep looking over my shoulder, getting intrusive images of scary hallucinations that I might start to get, i fear hurting myself or my baby, etc. Psychosis in pregnancy is 1 in 1000. That's not that rare. I feel like I just upped my chances of my biggest fear happening and I have so much regret and fear around that. I'm also a Christian and I'm relying on God so much more now than ever, but I'm afraid of that too because people in psychosis often have religious delusions and I can't tell if I'm slipping into that or if God is really just using this trial to pull me closer to him. I just feel so defeated. I feel like ERP just isn't going to work for me because the hormones are a whole different animal that "normal" people with OCD don't have. Like they're making me immune to ERP or that ERP isn't for people like me and I'm hopeless.

ranaT

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6w

Hey! I understand your struggle. I am pregnant and in my 1st trimester things were very hard and OCD was hard ta manage. I also felt tired to do any ERP. I recommend giving yourself a break, checking with your doctor (if you are on medications) maybe he can adjust the doses for you (there are medications that are actually safe during pregnancy even in higher doses). Also, get as much rest as you can so that your body does not trigger OCD. Things will be easier after the 1st trimester. Dont allow OCD thoughts to make you believe the lies and doubt yourself and your preparedness to be a mom.

FoolishMorta...

Date posted: 6w

Thank you! I'm not on medication, I'm hesitant to start trying things and messing with dosages/brands while already going through a lot of mental and physical changes. I've been really successful with ERP and ACT, but for some reason I just feel like my hormones in my brain not only make OCD a lot stronger, but they're also drastically increasing my likelihood of getting psychosis. It's like having a fear of alligators and then choosing to take a tiny paddle boat out on the bayou all by yourself. It's still not a guarantee you'll see any gators, by my gosh are the chances increased 10 fold. I basically gave myself the highest possible chance of getting psychosis in my otherwise pretty unlikely life. It's horrible.

ranaT

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6w

@FoolishMortal1000 I hope you get through this. I would highly recommend you seek a psychiatrist support. You should not be afraid of medications, if chosen correctly and at the right doses they will ease so much of tour unnecessary suffering. (Its like if you had hypertension or hypothyroidism for example you would not think twice about whether to take a med or no..) 🙏🏻🙏🏻

jennamax20

Date posted: 6w

I totally understand and would love more children but I know what happens when my brain when pregnant and postpartum and idk if I can go through it again. You are not alone. Do you have a therapist?

Anonymous_anon

Date posted: 25w

Tired

At this point I think I’m just tired. Took me a massive amount of strength to even type this. I’ve never had it this bad with anxiety depression and OCD. Firstly, how do you guys handle the trauma that comes with OCD. I recently realized Ive traumatized by own mind. I think this contributes to depression. Also, the thoughts frequency have gotten so high. It just literally jams its self in my brain. Before, I had some sort of control (at least a grip) but this days it’s so hard to try to get a grip. The unwanted feelings too? Omg, reactions that I literally can’t stand plagues me. My mind turns almost everything sexual. It’s crazy 🙃 Then the anxietyyyyyy! Wheew. I’m like a walking anxiety attack, my heart is always beating fast and it’s so painful. Working is so hard because I can’t get a grip, I feel so broken and I don’t think anyone can relate to this. I don’t know what I can do to help. Then the pressure in my head (that causes headache sometimes), sometimes I genuinely think I have a tumor! I’m pregnant so that makes it sadder, makes me wonder what kind of mother this beautiful soul is coming out here to meet. I don’t want to be a sad mother, and I cry more when I realize my child can feel what I feel rn in my belly😔. Another thing, the moment I don’t wanna do something, doesn’t even have to be anything bad. That’s when it feels my mind wants to force me to do it. It’s a whole lot and I’m just holding on to Jesus to help me out. At least he’s here so that’s comforting.

3xDisorders

Date posted: 24w

Trying but struggling

First post... I ruminate all the time, getting triggered by the smallest things that remind me of terrible events in my life or fears tied to my compulsions. It could be as small as a lawyer looking at my LinkedIn profile and me convincing myself that means I'm getting sued. Or even an article about taxes that makes me spiral into thinking I'm negligent. I could be fine one minute & wonder if I'm making it all up and then cry for two hours the next, cursing people who are neurotypical and wishing I could be like them. I tried talk therapy for two years and now I'm doing NOCD + ERP because I'm pregnant and had to reduce my dose of medication. Pregnancy almost made my OCD mental compulsions worse, and I got diagnosised with MDD, too. Not to mention the skin picking disorder I've had since childhood. It's becoming really hard to be positive despite a daily gratitude journal, walking 5k steps a day, and doing calming yoga with the occasional meditation when things get really bad. I'm trying, I really am. But having three diagnosed disorders makes me feel like I'm set up to fail despite having a wonderful husband and life, plus my coming first baby. It makes me feel like a horrible person when everything around me is seemingly fine but I can't seem to focus enough on the present to appreciate it. I feel so lost about it all and am plagued by guilt and shame. Does anyone else relate?

Holl1

Date posted: 17w

OCD

So I’ve just found out I’m pregnant and I’m freaking out rn I’ve been getting thoughts like “I’ll be a bad mum” and overthinking everything & my OCD is convincing me that I’ll act on my thoughts because of my hormones and stuff. I’ve also got a fear of being sick & I’m stressing over that too. Anyone else who has harm OCD pregnant or a Mum can give me some advice pls😭

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Pregnancy exacerbating OCD

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