I cant move on

TW: Trauma , ab*se( I dont want to trigger anyone,I hope I won't) I just cant move on from a horrible mistake.When I was 16 a kid told me another kid hurt them.It was very bad.It was an abuse..and I didnt do anything.And honestly I am scared, Idk what to do right now.I want to apologise because I didnt help them..to apologise to their parents, tell them, but I am scared they will blame me( ik,I am a foul) .I am ashamed because I am scared.I could have helped the kid and I didnt.And the fact that the kid trusted me and I didnt help them is killing me.I am so sorry.I want to apologise , do something now,but it might be too late and I dont want to trigger or scare the kid.And since then I got the same ,horrible , repetitive thoughts when I see the kid: what happened, how I didn't help, how terrible it must been, especially because they trusted me.I cant stop these thoughts.Is a cycle.I am thinking that I am complice because I didn't help and that I am a criminal and should be punished.I will go to a therapist soon and Idk how to start telling them about these thoughts.I wish I can go back in time...

AllisonMoore17

Date posted: 6w

I have struggled with standing up for myself for a while but after lots of coaching, practice and taking the leap of faith to believe in myself. Now I’m able to do that not only for me but for others. Although sometimes I really struggle with getting that courage help others when I’m scared myself. Things happen faster than we can process them which really makes analyzing and decision making harder. What helps me with that regret feeling and the feeling of not being able to move on is by telling myself “there are some things that are out of my control and abilities”. And that everything will be okay. Because after all it’s hard enough to have the courage to stand up for yourself but it’s a lot harder to stand up for someone else when we ourselves are scared.

Mitu_001

Date posted: 6w

Thank you! I hope I can have the same results! But is bad bcs I think abt how scared that kid was also:(

[Deleted]

Date posted: 6w

Comment deleted by user

Mitu_001

Date posted: 6w

Yeah but worrying won't change anything

Anonimus ME 🦋

Date posted: 6w

eh now...you had your reasons, and don't blame yourself, we are all human and we all sometimes don't understand our actions. You can't live like that...and there is no reason...that's how we build ourselves as personalities...thank God you can "grow" from such experiences..

Mitu_001

Date posted: 6w

Ik but I blame myself.I feel because I didn't help it means I am responsible(I know is not true).I just hope the kid is alright .And I want to help in the future when I get the chance

Anonimus ME 🦋

Date posted: 6w

@Mitu_001 I know you will! Sometimes we don't have an explanation for our actions, but it's not even important.., it's important that we learned something. Don't burden yourself, what you thought at that moment is what you did... memories are deceptive, so now you can't even explain it to yourself, but let it go, you're only a human being

Mitu_001

Date posted: 6w

@Anonimus ME 🦋 Thank u ! I am trying to be more kind to myself.I have these thoughts, blaming myself.And is very disturbing.Probably is rumination and my ocd makes me think that if I think abt it or idk..I will fix something but I wont..I am trying to stop thinking and soon I will go to a therapist

Anonimus ME 🦋

Date posted: 6w

@Mitu_001 so yes. Honestly, we can't stop thinking, but we can stop arguing with ourselves. Ok, it happened, it happened, it's gone, you move on, you can't blame all your worries on yourself... remember, you're only human like all of us, none of us is without mistakes...

Mitu_001

Date posted: 6w

@Anonimus ME 🦋 You are right .Thank you very much

Anonimus ME 🦋

Date posted: 6w

@Mitu_001 always❤️

Mitu_001

Date posted: 24w

I know I seek reassurance.But I really dont know what to do right now.I keep thinking about how I didnt help someone who was in a terrible situation a long time ago.They were a kid :( .Since then I keep thinking about what happened and how I didnt help.And I started to have intrusive thoughts ..about what happened..and other terrible themes.And I am really scared.I realised I keep thinking because I cant belive how difficult it was for them and how I could have helped and I didnt.I talked to a psychologist and they told me I didnt know how to deal with such a situation but I still blame myself.Sometimes I feel like they need help now, l but it was years ago.I stopped ruminating because it wont help anyone but I still have intrusive thoughts.I want to help now but I dont know if I can .I want to aplogise and make sure they are ok but I dont want to makw them remember.And I dont want to do that just because of guilt..I want to actually help.I feel like I did an unforgivable mistake..+ the terrible thoughts I have .Idk if I can ever share them with someone..ever..I feel like I am a dangerous person because I didnt help+ because of my intrusive thoughts.I really doubt myself..and feel like I shouldnt be trusted.Thank you if you have read all of this

Mitu_001

Date posted: 16w

Tw: trauma

Can someone talk with me? I know I posted a lot about this and I want to stop.I know only a therapist will tell me what to do..But please..can someone give me some advice? I am scared I did something horrible.I didnt help a kid 3 years ago.I feel like I left them in danger.I am so sorry.The worst is I didnt helped in all these years.I want to tell the kid I am sorry but I dont want to make them remember.I got terrible thoughts and I still have them and I feel like I betrayed them and still betray them.Bcs I didnt help and bcs of the thoughts.I dont know but I think about what happened.and how terrible it was..especially because they told me and I didnt help.I dont know why I think that but I feel like a monster.I met with them today and with their parents (which I feel like I betrayed them too) and I talked with them.but i was very anxious and I am scared their parents judge me .I want to help now..but idk how.Is it too late? I am scared I want to help just because I feel guilty.I want to live in the present and do something now but my mind makes me think of the past..Any advice? Thank you

Mitu_001

Date posted: 15w

Tw I am so scared

I am so scared of everything .Of my thoughts.If I am a good person.Years ago I didnt help a kid who was in danger.Since then I started to have terrible thoughts :( i am so terrified.I still have these thoughts and I am scared it means something about me .I really dont want to hurt anyone and I want to help that kid now but idk how I can now.Also I am scared I betray everyone.I still have terrible thoughts and when I am with someone I care is worse...idk why.For example I started to talk with a collegue and he is really nice to me.I told him some things abt me( not the intrusive thoughts) and he was supportive.I have no idea if I will tell anyone abt my thoughts..and bcs of that I feel like I lie to them and betray them.I really want to enjoy my life and be happy and support people( especially because I didnt help that kid then).I want to live up to my morals now but I feel like I lie and manipulate people bcs I am a monster.Is this normal? To feel this way? What can I do? What if I am my worst fear and just cant accept it?!

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