everyone hates us. everyone is moving on without us and we're being led by a lunatic and we're going to suffer the consequences of his irresponsibility while he's still just fucking fine. i hate it. i hate him. no one likes us, no one likes *me*, no one wants me because im useless. im garbage. why *would* any other country take me? i just want out. i just want it to be over. i feel like im cursed
"Everyone" and "no one" is very broad black and white thinking (a cognitive distortion which isn't true). There's 8 billion people in the world :) There are many people who would care about you, including ppl on this app! <3
You just have to meet them and get to know them :)
@OneDayAtATimee Easier said than done I am new where I live and in 3 years I couldn't find a single person who cares, except for themselves. People on NOCD do care, and it is precious, but when one needs a hug, emojis and gifs and similar just won't do. 8 billion means nothing to a person in despair. It feels the same as if there were none. And it is very hard to meet appropriate people and get to know them. And even if you do get the chance, it 99,9% of the times ends up in disappointment which worsens one's self esteem and ocd. I as a rule meet people who are so self-centered that they use me as a free therapist, even if I am not. They always talk about their lives and show no interest in learning anything about me. I know almost everything about some people and they don't even know my surname. That does not mean we should stop trying. It just means it is quite easy to meet the users, the wrong people, and very hard to meet someone who gives a damn about someone other than themselves. I am in a country in Europe, you are probably in some other country or on other continent. It does 100% sure help that I am here for you and you are here for me when we are in need of support, but when the NOCD is off and you look at space around you, there is still the feeling of loneliness, hopelessness,... I DO APOLOGIZE if my ranting feels like personal attack on you. BY NO MEANS WAS THAT MY INTENTION. I feel grateful for every person here who cares enough to answer other people's posts. Thank you for answering. Thank you for caring.
Do not worry. Other countries do not hate American people. They just wish their government was a little more rational, sensible, logical, a little frendlier to other nationalities and a way less narcissistic. We understand that an average person can do very little to nothing now that he is elected. We also have hard time understanding how little he listens to and cares for his own people who made it possible for him to play games with peoples' lives from the whole planet. At least he should care for Americans. Our lives are a computer games to him and his companions. That is truly heartbreaking. And the sadest part is, if you or me would do that or basically most of other countries' presidents, we would sooner or later be facing the international crimes court. Yet, your presidents are untouchable. Nobody could hate someone like you, sweety, someone who cares. As for feeling everyone else personality hate you, welcome to the club. I suppose most of us with ocd, feel like that from time to time or even most of the time. But as Marcus Aurelius has taught me, none of that matters. What matters is you, your opinion of yourself. And your job is to look through the ocd crap and see deeper levels of yourself, find the parts in you you can like and build on that till you get to love who you are. And then, other people will treat you with respect. But even thab that won't matter, because you will know your worth. I am giving this advice first to myself, I really need to learn this somehow, than to you, because I care for you very much and to anyone who needs it, because they are worth it. Best wishes from Europe. 😇😊
Finally someone said it I hope someone really over throws him
Hugs, hang in there.
This is just a vent. Feels nice to just be honest about who I am and my deficiencies. Mental health advocates are always like "you deserve to live no matter what" and I'm like "bet lol" I am not a good person whose presence has any positive impact on the world. I'm not evil, just useless without having the excuse of depression or whatever (it's anxiety based but again who gives a shit). If I were to go away, I wouldn't be missed because I contribute nothing of note. If we did not live in the US where you can get by without being socially accepted as long as you have loving parents, I would either be dead or would have stepped up and might actually be a valuable member of society (like between being dead and pushing through my anxiety I would probably choose the latter lol). Interpersonally, I have no redeeming qualities. No I'm not one of those people who says that shit and then lists all the ways they're actually decent but just have low self-esteem, I'm genuinely useless. I'm unreliable when it comes to group projects and my job, usually doing the bare minimum or less than that. When it comes to my work in general, I tend to drop the ball, often waiting till the last minute to get started on it, turning it in late, or simply not turning it in at all. I make promises about the things I will do and then don't do them. I also lack initiative and just follow orders. Socially, I don't have any friends and don't make an effort to try to gain any - I tend to act distant in social interactions and don't join in when people are having group conversations. I'm a talented artist, but the only work I've ever shown others in the last few years has been shoddy, amateurish, and completely unreflective of my abilities, and I've never been complimented for it lol. How do I feel about all this? Pretty freaking bad, yet I make no effort to change. I'm afraid of most things so I avoid them, screwing up my own life and negatively affecting other people's as well. Despite all this, I have this desire to be accepted by someone else as I am. The fact that I accept myself shows that it's possible, I guess (you could argue that I don't have a choice but I definitely chose to be okay with myself after years of self-loathing). I have a shit-ton of flaws and nothing to really offset them - I mean I'm self-aware but I think self-awareness is completely useless if you don't do anything about what you've observed in yourself, and less self-aware people are able to take more risks - and I just have this fantasy of someone showing up and looking at all that I am and being like "you have contributed literally nothing to society and you have no redeeming qualities but I accept you as you are and love you, for no reason other than I just do." But based on the comics I've read this can only happen if you're childhood friends who've known each other for a long time lol. No reason someone's gonna want to be friends with some random person who leaves a poor first impression and doesn't do anything to further the relationship. The plus side of this is that I have a /lot/ of room for growth, lots of things to change that could make me a better person. The negative side is that it is still just as hard to not be avoidant af as it was yesterday
i think i gave up, every time i try to calm down, practice self-compassion or accept uncertainty something worse happens that seems to confirm my event. it feels too, too real even now, it's getting worse with each passing day. i'm really scared, it's hard for me to enjoy the few good moments i have with everyone because now i'm convinced that i'm a horrible person, i know everyone will hate me when they find out, i feel like i'm lying to them. i'll lose everything. i feel like my life is genuinely ending, i'll lose all the good things i worked hard for.
i’m so tired of everything i can’t take the ocd on top of school life no friends no love never will find good love. i can’t be out publicly i’ll never be in the right body i’ll never be happy and stable i just want to dissapear. I will never escape my ocd and my gender. i can’t do this my entire life.
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