@dallia

It's you!!! Hi!!! I'm glad this worked!! I'm happy to hear from you again! 😄 If I could give you a hug I would! Here's a virtual hug! 🫂 Of course I would care if you just disappeared! But, like I said, I promise I'm not upset at all -- it's okay! And I'm sorry that you're still struggling, I understand. I know it's difficult... and that's just one reason I don't want you to have to go through this alone. But of course, I also just simply enjoy and want to talk with you!! No matter what's going on in your life! I'm sorry you felt that way about your previous account. I doubt anyone thought that way about you; everyone on NOCD is coming here to confide about their struggles. I'm sorry you felt anxious and ashamed... I understand why you felt that way, but I truly believe that it's okay. You shouldn't hold back from responding to me because you felt guilty, and you don't need to feel guilty to come back to me either! We shouldn't let our fears prevent us from talking with the people who care about us, and likewise we shouldn't let our worries prevent us from going to God either! Again, you don't need to feel guilty one bit to come back to me; I care too much about you to be okay with emotions like that getting in the way of talking with you, and God feels the same and much more! I just want to talk, no matter how you're feeling. You don't ever need to be afraid to talk with me. I'm just glad you reached back out! I can assure you that you never added onto my struggles. After all, I reached back out and I'm here now, aren't I? Talking with you is what I want! Again, I'm sorry you felt like deleting your account. Before you do that again, could you tell me so we can find a way to keep in touch if you want? Or perhaps right now we could exchange social media accounts if you wish! And you can also keep a link to this post saved somewhere so if you ever want you can reach back out to me right here on this post (I can send you the link for this post if you want; there should also be a "Share" button on this post to get the link). And if you want me to change my username to something other than "Anonymous" I could! I just want to make sure we can keep in touch -- if that's what you would like too, that is. Also, nunu and I were talking on another post, and when nunu saw that you deleted your account they told me and they said they were scared you left, so don't forget that people really care about you!! Would it be okay if I tell nunu to come to this post to talk with you again? Thank you for responding! :) Again, it was good hearing from you!! 💗

@Anonymous thank you so much for your kind words. right now, i don't think of deleting this account. about social media accounts, i want to share my ig with you, but i don't know how to share it with you privately. i don't want to put it in this comment section. also, i would love to keep in touch with you and nunu as well. i really appreciate your kindness. you are truly so kind. your words mean a lot to me. 💗 i already saw nunu's account and posts, and i feel bad for scaring her. i read her posts, and she is really struggling, and i know you are too. there's no problem if you want to tell nunu about this. i would love to talk to her again, but i feel ashamed to open up to both of you because I just suddenly disappeared, and you made an effort to find me.

@izenap I hope you don't delete this account! But, if you ever feel like doing that, I would appreciate it if you told me first so we can stay in touch if you want. What all social media accounts do you have? Would email also be good for you? Do you have a Discord account? I gave nunu a link to this post and told her to come here, I hope that's okay! I wonder what social media accounts nunu has? I think nunu was just missing you and wanted to make sure you were okay, I don't think it's anything to be ashamed about -- and I think she'll be happy to talk with you again too! Please don't be ashamed to open up to us. I wouldn't like it if you closed yourself off... Think about it like this: if your friend left suddenly and you searched for them and found them again, would you want them to open up or close themself off? The Bible gives a parable about the prodigal's son, and in that story, when the son returned, the father was very happy to see him again. So please, don't be ashamed, we want you to open up to us! :)

@Anonymous i don’t have a discord account and i'm not familiar with the app. email would be great, but i don’t feel comfortable sharing my personal email. i have multiple email addresses, each with a different purpose, so it’s not that I don’t trust you— i just prefer to keep my personal one private. would it be okay if i use a different email instead?... and about nunu, yes, that’s totally fine. thank you so much for your concern and kindness. i truly appreciate it. i'll do my best to open up to both of you, but i also don’t want to be a burden. you and nunu are also welcome to share your own struggles with me— i’d be happy to help in any way i can. 💗

@izenap No worries, of course it would be okay to use a different email! I understand, I have multiple emails too lol! Would you like to wait until nunu is in this discussion before deciding if we should use ig or email? I still might end up wanting to use email (it's been a while since i used ig) but we can wait for nunu before finalizing the decision if you think that would be a good idea. I don't expect you to open up quicker than you're comfortable with; we want you to feel comfortable and we will be patient. But I'd like it if you opened up as much as you would, of course; I care about what you're going through and I want to hear what you're willing to say. And I understand how you feel -- I remember telling you before that I've felt similarly about not wanting to burden anyone -- but I can assure you that you aren't anywhere close to burdening me at all. And thank you! That's sweet of you too! I'll surely share my struggles with you! Religious OCD and relationship OCD (regarding my relationships with my family, friends, and God) have been pretty bad for me. Also, would you like to talk about what's been going on in your life recently?

@izenap You are not alone

@Anonymous You are such a sweet and kind soul thank you for everything

Where were you we were worried please take care yourself

@nunu thank you for your concern nunu 🩷

we're going through the same thing right now. i'm also struggling with fear of hell, of satan, and the thought of selling souls. it’s honestly terrifying. my mind won’t stop throwing blasphemous thoughts, and it’s so draining and painful. by the way, how was your day, nunu? you can tell me what happened. i will listen.

@izenap Oho so sweet of you we are on the same page today i were just thinking to clean my living room and just set it I just purchased some home decoration items and I just do it so that may be I feel good due to it and my thoughts become better.

@izenap Also tell me about your day?

@nunu good to hear that. i think making yourself busy is helpful. keep going!

@nunu uhm not great but i get used to it. still, i'm wishing for better days to come. my day right now is so painful and depressive but it is always like this. nothing change but it's okay 💗

@izenap I am so happy to see you back please remember no one is judging you here it's a community.♥️

@nunu thank you! i appreciate it a lot! :)

@izenap Don't worry same here but one thing I adopt is to say myself all is a ocd lie you should also practice it. I am trying to increase my activities. We can do it.

@nunu i'm also trying to say that to myself but my ocd is just so strong and feel so real but still i will try! 💗

@izenap I read all your messages! I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling. I've been through just terrible times like what you describe too, and I know it's awful. You can talk to us of course! And no, none of what you're saying sounds dramatic at all, I know how bad it truly gets. The thought of selling souls bothered me too really badly. I'm sorry to hear about your day. We're here for you!

@nunu I read all your messages, too! You're kind as well! It's good to see dallia/izenap again, isn't it? :) I'm sorry you've been feeling badly too... Hell is really terrifying And yes, like you said, we're sharing our struggles, and we're supporting each other, none of us are burdening in any way! Cleaning can make someone feel better! I hope the decorations help! Increasing your activities is good too! Certain scents are supposed to be soothing and calm anxiety as well, maybe you can buy scented spray or air freshener or something like that with a soothing scent? And being in light places instead of dark places has also been recommended to me. And you're right, OCD likes to lie to us.

Both of you, do you want to talk about another way to keep in touch? Izenap suggested Instagram, and I suggested email. What do you think, nunu? What contacts do you have?

@Anonymous Email?

@nunu Are you wondering why I suggested email? Or is that the way you want to talk with each other?

@Anonymous I guess email would be a better option or can we made this palteform for talking like everyday on one post we can talk in comments or share the daily routine and one step that we take to beat ocd. I am thinking as we are three we can give target to one another about all such tasks that we cannot do due to out ocd or depression I guess thorough this we will be feel better. And if you guys are not okay with it we can think some other ideas.

@nunu So would email be better than Instagram for you?

@Anonymous Yup

@nunu Alright! And was the second option you were suggesting to keep talking on here?

@Anonymous Yaa we can chose both.

@nunu If you and izenap want to, we can exchange emails! Then we can also keep talking here after exchanging the emails too if we want to! I just want a way to keep in touch :)

@Anonymous same with nunu, i'm choosing both as well

i can deeply relate to you, nunu. me too, i'm also wondering how many people can be happy while i'm in the worst state of my life. i know that it is because we are all different or maybe they are also struggling on their own but they chose to hide it or they are now on their healing journey. i wish that we can feel genuine happiness someday like other people. i'm sorry that you're in pain right now and that you feel paralyzed. i wish that i was normal too. also, i had many dreams too because of my ocd, and it's terrifying because it feels like even in my sleep, it tries to torture me. you don't need to feel sorry, because i really do understand the hopelessness you feel. about praying — i actually stopped praying normally for almost two years, it is because whenever i prayed, i always had blasphemous thoughts and bad wishes, and i was scared they would come true. whenever there was a prayer at school or when i'm at church, my prayers didn't sound sincere because of my thoughts, so i prayed fast before all the bad thoughts came. but this past month of May, i went back to praying. what i did before telling everything to God was say, “please don't listen to the bad thoughts that will come to my mind because they are my ocd.” after that, i would proceed with praying, even if i had bad thoughts. it helps and i believe God would understand and know that those bad thoughts are not ours. but when June came, until now, i stopped praying again because of my fear of praying to Satan. i even stopped praying before i sleep because of too much fear, but i can still do the sign of the cross immediately when i'm doing my compulsions and i know that it just feeds my ocd. sometimes i just hold my chest and say sorry to God so that i don't need to pray. i hope what i did before will work for you. i'm sorry that your day is bad right now. ☹️💗

@izenap Thank you so much I guess we are on the same page your words give me a hope but it's so tragic.

@nunu yeah you're right and i hope everything gets better even though we can't really feel it right now 💗

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a rough time. It's unbearable when we are in despair like that, I wish you didn't have to go through it. Prayer has been very difficult for me in the past too, I would spend probably 30 minutes on one prayer. It's terrible when we can't find peace. :(

@izenap I have a history of having a difficult time praying too. I even had fears of praying to Satan as well, it's an unbearable thought. Many normal things have been difficult for me because of OCD

@Anonymous i'm sorry that you're struggling with it too. you're right—so many normal things feel incredibly difficult because of this mental disorder. it's like we have no freedom, because everything feels dangerous and filled with fear. i really hope we can do the normal things we want to do again someday without any fear. :)

Hello, both izenap and nunu! I still haven't gotten an email from either of you, and I just wanted to remind you both that I gave you my email address in the message above just in case you wanted to. I also wanted to remind you to keep a link to this post so you won't lose our conversation, especially if you aren't going to send me an email yet or write down my email address to keep. You could also write down my email address even if you don't send me an email yet. Also, if you use the "Search Community Posts" bar at the top of the community posts section and search "dallia" or "@dallia" you should be able to find this post.